AIBU to think it's odd to want your child christened when you're not religious

[Lovetogarden2022]

I have a lot of friends who, in the past couple of years, have had babies. Many of them live abroad, and are using this summer to come back to the UK to get their child christened.
I find it really odd as none of them are religious in the slightest? Myself and my partner probably go to church more than them, and we're both staunch atheists 😂 We just take our children to the local carol service at Christmas.

Far be it for me to question someone else's faith, but I find it really unusual. Especially when they describe themselves as being 'non-religious'.

I don't think it's for school places either - they will all be going to non-denomination schools (I've discussed it with them), and equally it's not like they live in very religious countries. It's also not like their families are in any way 'connected' with the church or religious, so they're not under pressure from them to have their children christened.

Why not have a 'naming day' or a 'celebration' if you wanted an event to celebrate your child?

AIBU in thinking this is odd behaviour? 😅

I don't see it as any different from you and your partner going to the carol service despite being staunch atheists, personally!

Agree with PPs saying that a lot of it is cultural. Churches used to be the centre of the community, hence people still using them for significant life events (christening, wedding, funeral) regardless of belief etc.

Isn't it just as odd/hypocritical that you're a "staunch atheist" who takes your children to a Christian carol service?

Well my parents are very involved in the church - it's the church i myself was christened in, where my parents were married and where my grandparents were buried. I go along to support them once a year as I think it's a nice asset for the community - I'm not signing my kids up to a lifetime of christianity 😅

Hmmmm... stepping onto my soapbox here... I have lots of 'Bouncy Castle' Catholic friends in Ireland who don't darken the door of the church other than Christmas and Easter. The only way to put a stop to it is to take instruction in the sacraments (communion and confirmation) out of the schools and let the church do it themselves like they do here... But it'll be a long time before that happens. It's a total farce!!

I have a friend who christened her kid here in UK purely to get them into a good school... straight after the ceremony... 'thanks so much Father, when do we get the paperwork?' I kid you not.

I wonder if some couples do this because one or more of their parents (grandparents for the child) are religious?

Isn't it just as odd/hypocritical that you're a "staunch atheist" who takes your children to a Christian carol service?

Going to a carol service is not remotely similar to standing up in church and making promises to God and the wider world that you will raise the child Christian.

I do find it odd that so many people who sneer at religion generally, somehow develop a new found respect when they think they might gain something lout of it. Not talking about 'eternal life' etc, but having an excise for a party, often in the church hall which may hire at a discounted rate or even free. I don't consider myself religious and did not have my own dcs christened. A local cjurch I sometimes attend, has a policy of not baptising young children. Instead, they have a welcome service once a month, where all new members of the congregation are welcomed to the church family followed by a cup of tea/coffee and biscuits in the church hall. I have seen several of these services over the years and they really do feel more like a family welcome, rather than a formal naming. Interestingly, the church is very popular and it is prettymuch standing room only at most of the services.

I don't see it as hypocritical or odd, it's possible for people to want their children to be christened when they're not religious themselves. Christening will either give the child extra protection or will cause no harm (even if the person running it is a sex offender, chances are they're not going to get the opportunity to offend during the christening).

To me it's no different to a parent chosing to be freegan or vegan but allowing their children to have a normal diet containing meat and dairy. Parents don't have to inflict their own world view onto their child.

I was baptised in the late 70s as was my sibling but that was more out of tradition than anything. We only went to church on for weddings and funerals, and I attended church with the Brownies, but that was about it. When my sibling and I had kids we didn't bother. I'm a staunch atheist. If my DC want to join a religious institution that's up to them, but I never wanted to induct them into something I never believed in.

It's just cultural. The god you don't believe in can't be offended by it and the church will be grateful for the numbers.

Many many cultures have a similar approach to traditional blessings / ritual marking of certain points in life without the majority of the participants paying much more than lip service to actually belief.

I'm also atheist but was baptised Catholic as a child.

When my children came along I quickly realised that the local school was failing miserably but the Catholic school was topping the tables year in year out. I absolutely used the fact that I was Catholic to get them baptised and into the school.
I took part in the services and let them make their own choices as to what they believed in. Ultimately both chose not to go into a Catholic High and neither have any belief.

I gave my children the best shot at an education. Hypocritical? Absolutely. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

Yanbu.

Why do you go to church if you’re an atheist?

it’s probably a very similar reason

I was raised a catholic, im now an atheist. I only had my children christened so I could get them into a fantastic school 🤷‍♀️.

I am atheist, DH is RC. Outrage only DD was born abroad and husband wanted her done. She was duly baptised at 3 weeks old.
He is a weekly church goer, he used to take her to mass with him, I took her to first communion and the next step.
I might think it’s a load of codswallop, but IMO she had to be introduced to it in order to make her own mind up.
it turns out, she believes in god when she wants something really badly and a quick prayer helps 🤔

It is odd.

There was a thread on AIBU a few weeks ago in which the OP was upset at the fact a friend or relative hadn't named her a godparent and didn't invite her to the child's christening. Sounds perfectly understandable, until the admission came that neither the OP nor the offending party were in any way religious. Truly bizarre all-around.

I’m not religious and so did not get married in church, this was in the days when the choice was church or a registry office.

My daughter was not christened/baptised nor did she have a naming day.

I intend to have a humanist funeral.

When I was much younger I thought it was hypocritical if you weren’t religious and didn’t regularly go to church, to use the church in this way.

I have mellowed and realised this is just the way the world works.

I think it's very disrespectful to those that do have a faith. You are meant to be promising to raise them in the faith.

Going to Carol service etc is different. We have friends who are Muslims and they've attended church for funerals and weddings etc. No intention of changing faith but happy to take part in the service in support of their friends.

Agree. See also: getting married in Church when you are not a Churchgoer or a Christian. Just why? 🙄 Are they after pretty surroundings? Just go to a stately home. I hate seeing the Church used this way.

It's strange, one of my closest did this with all of hers and got married in church. They had to attend church to the run up... very odd

IMO it usually either an excuse for a piss-up, for show (to impress) or to get their dc's into a religious school down the line.

A friend of mine had her ds christened despite being atheist, never setting foot in a church or mentioning God/religion in the 30-odd years I've known her. She was married in a hotel - she's a terrible snob though and I think she saw it as the "done thing" to do. I think it's ridiculous - i grew up as a Christian and attended church every week but I haven't had my own dc's christened as dh is atheist and we don't attend church - it would feel wrong to me. I didn't go to my friends dc's ceremony as I feel quite strongly that it's hypocritical - I just came up with an excuse, she doesn't know how I feel.

What songs do you sing at your carol mass

Yep - us jean-wearing weekly attendees know there is a christening when a load of folks who won’t even give you eye contact when you smile at them turn up looking like they’re dressed up for Ascot in frilly dresses, high heels and hats.

They have a right to baptise their children in the parish but there is something sad about it when you know all the sacred liturgy they dutifully repeat means absolutely fuck all to them and it’s just an excuse to use the church for some social tick in the box. They promise to raise the child in the family of Christ and then you never see them again.

If you want a party - have one. Don’t make a mockery of Christianity by baptising your child in church with no integrity or honesty.