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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Uninvited guests out staying their welcome

45 replies

Takeitonthechin · 02/08/2022 09:35

Just that really, a couple who we know always turn up without prior warning despite me asking them to phone first as we could be out and we are quite out of the way. They then stay all day, my DH was working from home that day he needed to get some paperwork work done.
We hadn't had breakfast as we usually have a brunch midday ish, they turned up at 11am and left about 4::30pm.
It's as if they have no concept of how long they stay, I'm never prepared for them coming and tbh I'm so grumpy, tired and hungry when they finally do leave that I end up not being able to sleep thinking about it.
My DH sees the other guy through work quite often, I have no problem with this, but I don't want them turning up whenever they feel like it. AIBU to not want them round at our house for hours on end ?

OP posts:
SalviaOfficinalis · 02/08/2022 09:37

Them: knock at door
You: oh hello, sorry would love to invite you in but we’ve got a lot on today.

Seeline · 02/08/2022 09:37

When they turn up on the doorstep, just say sorry, you're going out in half an hour - what a pity they didn't ring first. See you soon.

Ihatethenewlook · 02/08/2022 09:39

Why do you let them in? I know it can be awkward when they’re on your doorstep, but it’s not hard to say ‘I’m really sorry but we’ve both got a lot of work to do, we can’t have visitors today’. Or ‘we’re just on our way out and we’ll be out all day sorry’. Just keep giving them excuses and follow up with a text saying let us know next time and we can try and make sure we’re in.

Spanglemum · 02/08/2022 09:40

Do you not eat when they are there? I think you have to practise being assertive and saying 'no sorry we're busy/going out/etc'. Does your DH mind them coming round? It's really odd behaviour on their part.

CruCru · 02/08/2022 09:41

It’s quite a weird thing to do, turning up and staying all day. Did you not feed them? What would they have done if you’d had your whole extended family round?

Next time tell them that you are expecting <elderly relative> so can’t invite them in. What a shame they didn’t call ahead, they wouldn’t have had a wasted journey.

EhatBow · 02/08/2022 09:41

Why don't you eat?

I don't object to people turning up without an invitation. Either it's convenient "lovely to see you come in, I'm just about to do some brunch, would you like some?". Or "sorry we really have to get some work done today, we'll have to do this another time" or "I have to be somewhere in 30 mins, but come in and have a cuppa and toast/biscuit before you go".

I can't imagine having anyone in my house between 11 and 4:30 and not feeding them or me.

Bonjovispjs · 02/08/2022 09:42

Just say it's not a convenient time whenever they turn up and don't let them in, they'll soon get the message.

35965a · 02/08/2022 09:43

Get a ring doorbell and don’t open the door if it’s them. Or if not possible, open door, say ‘oh you should have text first we are going out shortly, bye’ and close door. Do not wait for a response.

Yamyam13 · 02/08/2022 09:45

I saw/heard a tip recently.. can't remember where. It was to always put your coat on when your door bell goes unexpectedly, that way you can say to whoever you dont want around 'oh sorry i was just on my out!' and to people you do want round 'I just got back in! Come in!'

PinkPair · 02/08/2022 09:45

I once heard an elderly lady giving her tip for unannounced guests.
She kept a coat hanging up which she put on as she answered the door.
If it was someone she wanted to visit she said " oh that's lucky you caught me I've just arrived home". If it wasn't someone she wanted to visit at that point she stepped outside and said " oh what a shame I'm just on my way out to an appointment" Grin

chilledbubble · 02/08/2022 09:45

Someone needs to say to them look mate, we could be in the middle of a sexathon or anything you need to ask before you come round

chilledbubble · 02/08/2022 09:46

PinkPair · 02/08/2022 09:45

I once heard an elderly lady giving her tip for unannounced guests.
She kept a coat hanging up which she put on as she answered the door.
If it was someone she wanted to visit she said " oh that's lucky you caught me I've just arrived home". If it wasn't someone she wanted to visit at that point she stepped outside and said " oh what a shame I'm just on my way out to an appointment" Grin

Great idea

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/08/2022 09:47

What they said, don’t let them in! He was working, you were busy, it wasn’t a good time for company.

They'll keep doing it if you let them so stop!

BalloonsAndWhistles · 02/08/2022 09:47

That’s really weird to just turn up uninvited! I don’t think I’ve ever done that unless it’s my mum. If you’re friendly, I’d have that conversation with them via phone/text and say they need to let you know beforehand rather than just turning up.

CounsellorTroi · 02/08/2022 09:47

It ‘s seriously weird. To turn up lust before lunch and stay until 4 - were they expecting to be fed?

SalviaOfficinalis · 02/08/2022 09:47

EhatBow · 02/08/2022 09:41

Why don't you eat?

I don't object to people turning up without an invitation. Either it's convenient "lovely to see you come in, I'm just about to do some brunch, would you like some?". Or "sorry we really have to get some work done today, we'll have to do this another time" or "I have to be somewhere in 30 mins, but come in and have a cuppa and toast/biscuit before you go".

I can't imagine having anyone in my house between 11 and 4:30 and not feeding them or me.

She’s probably not feeding them hoping they’ll take it as a cue to leave! They’ll definitely stay longer if you all settle down to a leisurely lunch.

EhatBow · 02/08/2022 09:49

SalviaOfficinalis · 02/08/2022 09:47

She’s probably not feeding them hoping they’ll take it as a cue to leave! They’ll definitely stay longer if you all settle down to a leisurely lunch.

Show quote history

You don't have to "hope" they'll leave. You tell them when you need them to go or that it's not convienient if you dont want them at all. If you've invited them in and allowed them to stay, everyone needs to be fed.

Ontobetterthings · 02/08/2022 09:50

Dont let them in. They are the rude ones

Shinyandnew1 · 02/08/2022 09:50

That’s really weird-who comes round and stays all day when it hasn’t been arranged?!

I’d open the door and look really gobsmacked. Tell them you have a lot on today and have plans. Do they do this to other people?! I bet they are universally hated!

SleeplessInEngland · 02/08/2022 09:51

They can only stay so long because you let them. Be polite but explicit: "we have things to do".

Blinkingheckythump · 02/08/2022 09:53

Get a backbone. You just say sorry it's not a good time right now

KosherDill · 02/08/2022 09:55

I wouldn't even answer the door.

925XX · 02/08/2022 10:17

This drives me mad too! A family of four turned up once on a Sunday just as we were about to eat lunch. I told them and they said oh its ok we will wait in the sitting room until you are finished. We did not enjoy our lunch and when I went into the sitting room it was wrecked and the kids had been given chocolate which was on my cushions and sofa. They had a dog in the car which they said "was getting lonely". The dog remained in the car and I chucked them out soon after.

rainyskylight · 02/08/2022 10:18

This is entirely your fault. If you didn’t want to say a hard no at the door, then just say “it’ll have to just be a quick coffee as we are heading out in an hour”. And when it gets closer to that time, get up, wash mugs, and say “lovely to see you but next time do ring ahead as it’s a shame to have to turf you out”. Then your partner jingles his keys, chips in and says “takeitonthechin, I think we really should get going, there might be traffic”. And then you get their coats and shove them
out of the house.

Original poster
Takeitonthechin · 02/08/2022 10:37

Thank you everyone, some of these replies have made me laugh.
I did ask them to ring ahead, but they" were in the area" and called in because they saw both vehicles on the drive.
I have in the past, used the excuse of sorry we are just on our way out.
I don't hate them but I am getting to the point where I hate them coming round, his wife can be quite nosey, we've just had a kitchen installed and it's something they're thinking of doing, she asked how much it cost!, " how much does a kitchen from ..... cost?, thankfully I was on the ball and told her it depended on the style and what she wanted with it etc. They are just very different to them, we have different interests, hobbies etc and have nothing in common.

They told me they were back in the area this week... the bloody gates are locked.

OP posts: