Uninvited guests out staying their welcome

[Takeitonthechin]

Just that really, a couple who we know always turn up without prior warning despite me asking them to phone first as we could be out and we are quite out of the way. They then stay all day, my DH was working from home that day he needed to get some paperwork work done.
We hadn't had breakfast as we usually have a brunch midday ish, they turned up at 11am and left about 4::30pm.
It's as if they have no concept of how long they stay, I'm never prepared for them coming and tbh I'm so grumpy, tired and hungry when they finally do leave that I end up not being able to sleep thinking about it.
My DH sees the other guy through work quite often, I have no problem with this, but I don't want them turning up whenever they feel like it. AIBU to not want them round at our house for hours on end ?

Sorry, * we are just very different to them

You'll have to be less polite. I think it's rude to show up unannounced to anyone except the closest friends or family, but arriving at 11 and not leaving until after 4 is next-level rudeness. They must know they're overstaying their welcome unless they're very, very dim. When someone is that rude or obtuse I don't have quite as much trouble being slightly rude in return.

You are not legally or morally obliged to answer your front door just because someone knocks it

You are allowing this! Just say you are too busy for guests and it's a shame they didn't ring a few days before to check if we were free. Bye

If they call round unexpectedly again just tell them you have Norovirus and are about to clean vomit and shit off your bathroom floor. 😉

Frank Skinner has a genius solution to this - answer the door wearing your coat. Then if it's someone you don't want ot see say 'Oh sorry I was just on my way out' and if it is someone you want to see say 'Oh good timing I'm just back in'

Can you get a ring doorbell and just not answer the door if you can see it’s them?

Even if your vehicles are there you could be out for a walk, sleeping, showering, working.

Just don't respond to knocks at the door. Train them out of this.

They must not have much of a life.

Don't answer the door FFS

Lock the gates, easy!

I'm in the camp of just don't answer the door. Unless you are expecting a delivery.

If they ask why haven't you been answering just say that we are really busy but if you'd like to arrange something you can text in advance.

Out if curiosity, how old are they? I do think there is a generation (my parents, both in their 60s) that don't see an issue with 'just popping in' to see someone if they're in the area without checking beforehand.

So it is a thing, but I would never do it myself, mainly because it would really annoy me. Weekends are precious, and if I am at home I'm usually in my comfies, could be making/eating food, catching up on some telly, etc (pre-baby... With a 4mo it would be the height of tactlessness).

Why on earth let them in? If I opened the door to family/friends who wanted to come in and it wasn't convenient then I'd just say "So sorry, it's not convenient, we're both working today" or whatever.

If they do come in leave them to it. DH once let BIL in "because he was in the area". But DH was working so left, I was working so went to my desk and did my usual days work. BIL was left by himself in the garden and went about 4pm on hearing DH wouldn't be back until about 7:30pm... It also helped that there was no beer in the fridge :) Never done it since.

Missing the point of the thread but I don't think it's odd to ask a friend (and that's how they see you) how much a new kitchen cost for a ballpark figure.

I think it's safe to say this couple don't have the normal approach to privacy/boundaries 😜

I think the mistake you've made is saying 'Phone first because we could be out' because they're clearly the sort of people who would think 'Oh, well, we don't mind if they're out! We'll drive over on the off chance and then we'll just do something else if they're not there'.

What you should have said was 'Phone first because we might have work to do that day' or 'Phone first to check if it's convenient for us'.

If they do this again, I think you (or perhaps your DH as it seems that the couple are known to him via work?) should say 'Really sorry, but we can't invite you in today as we've got things to do - if you'd phoned ahead we could have let you know that it wasn't convenient'.

Don't let them in.

But assuming you have let them in and they sat down; you leave the room and use your mobile to call your landline. Answer your landline and announce
"I'm sorry, I've been waiting for a really important confidential call so have to ask you to leave now...let your selves out.Byee".

If you and DH are both at home you need to activate your private code word which means "Get rid of these pests PDQ".

That's the sort of behaviour I'd expect from people who've been retired too long not working aged people.

I think I'd say I've got time for a quick coffee then I need to go. So 5 mins before you need to leave "pass me your cup so I can put it in the dishwasher" fill dishwasher. Then clearly gather yourself together to leave, shoes on, find your bag. "Sorry for throwing you out but got prior arrangements, maybe call next time?"

I had a friend round & showed her my new bathroom & she asked me how much it cost. That seems normal, as she was very into property. What got me was that she then insisted it hadn't cost what I said it had. I should know, I designed it & paid the bill! But she refused to believe me, & not in an "I can't believe it cost so much!" way but, "No, you're wrong, it didn't cost that," way.

She was just like that: if something didn't fit her preconceptions or beliefs, then she was right & the world was wrong. (She's the same one who insisted she hadn't been invited to my wedding, & on being shown a photo of her at said wedding, replied, "How ever did you get a picture of me at your wedding when I wasn't there?") 😂

OP: just tell them it's not convenient, sorry, this is why you ask them to ring ahead, etc. Send them on their way.

I once had an overseas guest sleeping on my sofa for 6 weeks. Finally they told me they're leaving, so I helped pack of their stuff and saw them off to the airport. That night there's a knock on the door, lo and behold they're back.

"Actually my flight is only tomorrow, but I assumed you'll have a celebration party when I left, so I wanted to be here for that."