AIBU to be not sure about my daughter wanting to him the army

[EilidhEli]

Hi

I’ve put this is AIBU but there is probably a better section. My eldest daughter is 17 and in her final year at school (not UK based anymore but she is UK born with a British parent). Apparently she is not eligible to join up here in Ireland because she doesn’t meet a language requirement but even if she was she still wants to join the British forces. I am not from the UK and DH knows little to nothing about the army over there.

She is very sporty. She is bright and academic but she has dyslexia so she is looking at alternative career options other than university/college courses. I think she does have a personality that would suit the military. She is very disciplined, likes structure, works very well in teams, take direction well etc

Can any former soldiers let me know what life is like for a woman in the army? What is the training like? How long does it go on for? What are the best types of job to go into in the army for the longer term? Where are the best sources of information for her to get the best insight about what she is committing too? I don’t really want to be putting her off, it might be a great fit for her but I do want her making an informed decision.

Because it is AIBU, AIBU to not be over the moon about her wanting to join up?

dDammit

It should say

AIBU to not be sure about my daughter wanting to join the army

It can be a great career for a woman - but it depends on the person concerned.

I'm intrigued - what's the language requirement for joining the army over there? It seems like it would massively limit their pool of recruits?

You need to have a basic level of Irish. Nearly everyone learns it in school unless they have a learning disability that makes it too difficult or else they begin Irish education as a teenager.

My brother is in the army (obviously, or maybe not obviously these days, he’s not a woman though) and he’s had the most amazing experiences. My advice (and his) to her would be to learn a trade that she’ll be able to use when she leaves the army.

I would recommend contacting or even better visiting the army recruitment centre in Manchester. I found them very helpful. They will do an entrance exam first so make sure they are aware of her dyslexia, based on her scores she will then be given a list of options available to her. i found them to be very helpful. Good luck to your daughter OP

Yes Irish is the language requirement and the dyslexia and coming to Ireland later means she hasn’t done it. Everyone is required to do Irish in school. It is a mandatory subject here unless you are exempt.

Cannon fodder. And has she considered the possibility that the GFA breaks down in Northern Ireland she could find herself station there, point a gun at British and Irish citizens?
inwould loathe a child of mine to join any military - there are so many other non-academic options - but if she’s insistent I would deffo guide her towards Navy or Airforce is a supporting, engineering or mechanical role.
also - does she really want to go in as a grunt? I’d officer training an option? The lower ranks of armed forces, esp army, are full of men who aren’t exactly known for their brains and liberal outlook on life. Many are kids with not many other options in front of them. Just the way it is.

Best thing I could have ever done.
I joined up at 16, straight from school with abysmal GCSE results and no real career prospects.
The army gave me the opportunity to resist my English and maths gcse alongside a ton of other qualifications (loads of IT qualifications which have proved to be a transferable skill into civilian life), they paid for my driving lessons and test, plus my Cat C and C+E licenses.
I won’t lie, the initial training was brutal, and a massive shock to the system, but that’s the whole point. They have a limited amount of time to turn you from civilian into soldier, and the most effective way to do that is through physical and mental pain. The aim is to break you. And once you’ve passed that point, it’s all plain sailing. The training is so deeply ingrained, it’s something yoy never ever lose - nearly 10 years in, certain aspects of my training still benefit me daily.
Yes, it’s scary from a parent’s point of view, but if it’s something she really wants to do, she can definitely flourish in that environment. I definitely did.

DB was in the army, officer etc and he would absolutely NOT recommend it for many, many reason even though he had a great experience personally, he’s knows too many ex soldiers with all sorts of MH issues, Health issues etc. those recruitment posters make it look like it’s just all a big adventure, when the reality is you have all agency taken from you and are trained to kill.

But with respect, @Ringmaster27, you admit yourself you joined with very poor educational achievements and few other prospects. It sounds as if it worked really well for you, but in the context of few other options. Which is @NelStevHan’s point, and also my own experience with encountering my own nephew (unmotivated, clever but consistently under-achieving, left school with few qualifications)’s cohort when he joined up — they were with few exceptions working-class young men from poor backgrounds who had poor educational records and few other options).

Wow thank you so much for this. That is very helpful and reassuring. IT is probably a direction she would consider.

I am shitting myself about the initial training bit. I can’t help it as a mother. In one way I actually think she would be fine, she has mental fortitude and is fit but the idea of it freaks me out. In fairness though that is only based on American army movies so I’m not sure if I have much to go on.

I don't know about army, but from my own experience- please, please, please never put your doubt on fear on her. My mum told me I won't make good nurse, so I didn't go study nursing. Now I'm stuck in a job that I don't want to progress in and wondering what it would be like to be nurse.

Not Army but I am in the military and worked with the army lots.
I've had a long career and loved every minute of it. Obviously the training can be difficult - not just initial training but various training course throughout.
I would advise that she speak with all the careers officers and make sure it's actually the army she wants. A lot of stations/bases offer work experience which might be worth considering. Army as a general rule get treated the worse out of all 3 services. The accommodation normally isn't as good as well as the food.
Each service has pros and cons but overall I would absolutely recommend it. Plenty of time off to do sporting activities and the ability to retrain if she doesn't like her initial choice of trade and also she'll have the ability to do educational courses - many are free of charge.
I've managed to do everything I've ever wanted whilst serving. I've done multiple operational tours, done loads of courses, been promoted numerous times, got married, had kids, traveled loads.
The military although isn't as good as it used to be (same with loads of jobs) but it's still a great place to work whilst always been mentored and looked after. When injured I've always revived immensely quick treatment and physio.
I be love it but understand it isn't for everyone.

Very good point @xogossipgirlxo I won’t do that.

Thanks @savemeagin do you mind me asking what branch of the military you are in and how you went about choosing. I’m not sure DD has really considered Air Force/Navy and maybe she should?

I know someone who was an officer in the navy here and I’m not sure how different it is in the UK but she was out on vessels for months at a time usually a lone female on board which didn’t sound great to me.

My eldest joined the services 2 years ago and I would never have chosen this for him but he loves it. Is in the Navy though not Army. I'm glad I've always supported him and I can really see the benefits for him. I suppress the thoughts about risk as statistically his job is pretty safe.
I'd suggest to her she looks into all 3 services before deciding - and speaks to the recruitment officers. There is friendly rivalry between all 3 services and the Army is known as the toughest, then Navy and they both joke the Airforce is like a holiday! (I'm sure its not though!)

I'm Navy. I went to the careers office and sat down with the staff in there and they talked me through all the different jobs. Some had long waiting lists, some didn't. I made my choice from there.
There's loads of info online regarding the different roles as I'm sure there will be for the Army and RAF.
I've done different ships - the ones I've been on have always had plenty of other women onboard and we're always really supportive of one another.

@EilidhEli from my experience, the first 6 weeks of training is the hardest for both the recruits and the parents.
The aptly named “shock of capture” phase, where your life is completely stripped back to the bare bones and pushed to your physical and mental limits. We had the keys to our civilian lockers confiscated - the only things we were allowed was issued stuff, essential toiletries and stationary. Phones were taken away, locked in a box in the office, and fished out for 30 mins each evening to call home if our training team deemed that we’d earned the privilege. For the smokers among us, we were allowed a timed cigarette break after each meal and once before bed. Letters from home were given to us without any interference, but any parcels sent from home were opened and any contraband items removed - again it was only essential toiletries and stationary items that were allowed.
But after that initial 6 weeks, we were slowly allowed more and more privileges. Keys to civilian lockers were given back - I’d never been so happy to clap eyes on a pair of Converse in my life! Phones were given back with no limitations, as long as we weren’t using them during working hours. After a little while, we were allowed to use the welfare facilities - games room, pool table, shop etc, and then eventually allowed to leave camp on weekends we weren’t working, come and go as we pleased as long as we stuck to curfews etc.
Obviously our training staff reserved the right to revoke any of those privileges at their discretion, and blanket punishments for the entire platoon as a result of one person’s fuck up were common - that’s an effort to bolster the sense of camaraderie and make everyone a team player. Guess the idea is you’ll put in more effort to avoid fucking up if you know the whole platoon will feel the pain if you do 🤷🏻‍♀️ I remember one night, one of the lads was late back to camp, rolled in pissed right as bedcheck was being conducted. The entire platoon spent hours that night, in the rain running laps of the parade square until we were puking.

Having worked with a lot of ex military I would also urge your DD to look at the Navy and the Air Force.

The people I have worked for seem to get civilian jobs easier from those forces (but I would point out that whilst I have worked with a lot of ex military it is still a tiny proportion of the whole so my experience could be skewed).

Whichever force she chooses urge her to get technical training and skills that will lead well to civilian life after leaving the military.

This is an ignorant, ill informed rant.

There is no prospect of the army patrolling the streets of Northern Ireland at all - now or in the next decade.

There's plenty of intelligent men and women in the British Army, including privates who can go on to become a ranking officer, e.g. Lance Corporal, Corporal, Segearnt, etc. The Special Forces are also part of the British Army and they certainly have a lot of intelligent soldiers as well.

The British Army offers a lot of opportunities for personal skills development and its far from being all about pointing guns at people.

in fact, a hell of a lot of people leave the Irish Defence Forces for the British Army and for very good reasons too.

As with anything OP, there's lots of pros and cons. Your child will weigh up what's best for them, so support them in it. I myself was a Pads Brat aka Army child.

I loved being in the army (left a long time ago now, though, and it has changed a lot)

Find a trade that will be useful in civilian life. Then try to attend as many open days as possible, try to speak to people who are currently in (why they stay) and recently left (why did they leave)

I am guessing it hasn't changed much in some respects: there was a LOT of sexist bullshit. A lot of misogyny. You have to achieve the right level between standing up for yourself and being one of the "cool girls". I managed that well but i come from a military family so i have been around it all my life.

tbh? I'd recommend the Air Force or Navy over the army.

If she's exempt from the Irish requirement at school, have you checked that it's a categoric requirement for the Irish military under those circs?

As a neutral country Irish forces overseas are predominantly on UN duties. So while active service is probable and occasional death is a risk it's a very different proposition to the British forces which I suspect would offer much more varied prospects and certainly on a massive scale in comparison so I can see why that would be more attractive if she's serious about it? Have you any Irish contacts who could discuss it with her? They will have worked with other military forces.

Re the point above about NI service, it's certainly something she can ask about but I don't see how it's different to an NI citizen joining the PSNI and policing your own citizens irrespective of their political loyalties? I would be more concerned about how "foreign" joiners are treated and whether there is discrimination irrespective of where you grow up in the world.