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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think he needs a chest X-ray or scan?

42 replies

SilverGlassHare · 01/08/2022 18:04

My dad has a history of smoking. He’s 73, and recently has been having dizzy spells, culminating in him fainting at the weekend. He’s seeing the GP tomorrow because he reckons he has a chest infection - he’s not coughing or breathless but his chest feels ‘tight and uncomfortable’. He has nail clubbing which I’ve been nagging him to mention to the GP for ages. AIBU to think this all adds up to a potentially serious lung or heart issue and he should push for further investigation under the two week referral pathway? He’s being bloody awkward and refusing to take it seriously, and I can’t go to the GP with him as I live at the other end of the country. So frustrating!

OP posts:
Dontslamit · 01/08/2022 18:22

I would expect that if GP saw nail clubbing with your father’s history they would like to investigate further. Is there any way of explaining to your Dad that it’s important he mentions changes to his nails if the GP does not examine them himself without making him too anxious?

Darkstar4855 · 01/08/2022 18:33

The criteria for 2ww referral are on the NICE website here: cks.nice.org.uk/topics/lung-pleural-cancers-recognition-referral/

BlackandJello · 01/08/2022 18:37

I would say it's very likely your dad will be sent for a chest x-ray (radiographer here).

Original poster
SilverGlassHare · 01/08/2022 18:57

Thanks @Darkstar4855 , that’s pretty clearcut. Hopefully the GP will agree.

@BlackandJello thanks, that’s not reassuring on one hand - but is on the other. Im obviously worried but at the same time it’s good to hear they’ll take it seriously.

@Dontslamit My big concern is my dad won’t actually draw the doctors attention to his nails or will downplay everything. I’ve quite forcefully told my dad exactly what to emphasise and said it could be a sign of ‘chest problems’ because I don’t want to mention cancer or heart failure… if he comes out without a referral I’m going to try to call his GP myself, if they’ll talk to me.

OP posts:
willingtolearn · 01/08/2022 19:03

Your Dad is a grown up. It is up to him to manage his health and medical needs.

If he doesn't want to and has capacity to make that decision, which it appears he has, then it is not for you to decide he is 'awkward' or patronise him with talking of 'chest problems' instead of your real concerns.

You absolutely have the right to be concerned, worried etc. about him, but that is part of your relationship with him. It doesn't give you the right to make decisions for him.

Original poster
SilverGlassHare · 01/08/2022 19:10

Ok, so I should just let him ignore possible lung cancer, then? You’d do that with your parent, would you?

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BlackandJello · 01/08/2022 19:14

Sorry I should have made my post a bit clearer. Chest x-rays are probably the most commonly requested imaging, especially from a GP hence why its likely given your Dad's synptoms that he will be sent for one. Its low dose radiation so pretty safe and is always a good starting point, usually ruling stuff out rather than in. However the vast majority come back normal. Hope helps a little.

Darkstar4855 · 01/08/2022 19:14

Does your surgery have an e-mail address? You could e-mail or write to them expressing your concerns. They can’t talk to you without his consent but they can take information from you.

DarlingDarwin · 01/08/2022 19:16

SilverGlassHare · 01/08/2022 19:10

Ok, so I should just let him ignore possible lung cancer, then? You’d do that with your parent, would you?

No but you should talk to him like an adult, explain your concerns and then let him decide whether to mention it.

It does sound serious, but unless he’s 6 or severely demented or delirious you have to talk to him like an equal. How would you feel
if it was cancer, and he only ever told you it was a “chest problem”.

Writeandroll · 01/08/2022 19:16

OP I think I probably would mention to him what it could be. Maybe he might take it more seriously?

or (more likely) he already knows and is avoiding the issue.

Dontslamit · 01/08/2022 19:18

willingtolearn · 01/08/2022 19:03

Your Dad is a grown up. It is up to him to manage his health and medical needs.

If he doesn't want to and has capacity to make that decision, which it appears he has, then it is not for you to decide he is 'awkward' or patronise him with talking of 'chest problems' instead of your real concerns.

You absolutely have the right to be concerned, worried etc. about him, but that is part of your relationship with him. It doesn't give you the right to make decisions for him.

I agree he is a grown up and entitled to manage his own medical needs but I’m not sure this is what the OP is trying to do.
Assuming her father does not have any medical knowledge he will not appreciate the significance of nail clubbing, the GP will. In the unlikely event of the GP not examining his nails I think it’s quite reasonable to draw attention to it

Original poster
SilverGlassHare · 01/08/2022 19:19

@Darkstar4855 I don’t actually know which surgery he goes to! We live so far away and he moved to a slightly different area to the one he had when I was still living at home.

OP posts:
willingtolearn · 01/08/2022 19:19

If I was concerned about my parent's health, I would talk to them honestly about what I was worried about and then let them get on with it, supporting them as they requested.

Musicaltheatremum · 01/08/2022 19:22

@SilverGlassHare
I'm a GP. if you phoned/wrote to me with those concerns I would definitely look into it further without letting your father know you had called it would help me to know that. Relatives are very useful.

Original poster
SilverGlassHare · 01/08/2022 19:22

@Dontslamit that’s it exactly. I just want to make sure that the doctor is aware, and I’m worried my dad won’t mention it. I don’t want to actually frighten him by mentioning cancer, and perhaps that is patronising. But I’m not a doctor and could be jumping massively to conclusions, so I’d much rather he told the GP exactly what he’s told me and the GP made the judgement call.

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Original poster
SilverGlassHare · 01/08/2022 19:31

willingtolearn · 01/08/2022 19:19

If I was concerned about my parent's health, I would talk to them honestly about what I was worried about and then let them get on with it, supporting them as they requested.

And if your parent refused to tell his GP the full story, you’d just shrug your shoulders, would you? Seriously, you’d let your parent risk developing serious illness rather than trying to persuade him to tell
the full story to the GP?

I’m worried he doesn’t understand the potential significance of nail clubbing, that he hasn’t put it together with the dizziness and chest discomfort, and therefore won’t mention all three things together. GPs are notoriously overworked and I’m concerned that they may not take it seriously if they don’t have the full picture. His nails have been clubbed for ages and he sees other consultants about other health issues, but he hasn’t mentioned it to them and they apparently haven’t noticed. So yes, I do want him to really draw attention to it this time.

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Original poster
SilverGlassHare · 01/08/2022 19:31

@Musicaltheatremum thanks, that’s good to know!

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverGlassHare · 01/08/2022 19:36

I guess I feel reluctant to name my real concerns too, to be honest. Naming it won’t make a difference to the outcome but it’s very hard to say to someone, ‘I think there’s a reasonably chance that’s cancer.’ I’m reluctant to terrify him if I don’t need to. He won’t talk over the phone either so it’s all conducted via WhatsApp, which doesn’t help.

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Fuuuuuckit · 01/08/2022 19:43

SilverGlassHare · 01/08/2022 19:10

Ok, so I should just let him ignore possible lung cancer, then? You’d do that with your parent, would you?

I'm sorry op. But he's been smoking for years and ignoring the possibility of lung cancer himself all that time.

(I get it, my mum smoked 20 a day for 50 years and was shocked at her LC diagnosis.)

He's probably terrified of what they'll find, of the prognosis and potential treatment. Be gentle on him, I know it's tough to be in your shoes.

Cornettoninja · 01/08/2022 19:51

You might be best putting your concerns in an actual letter rather than just trying to ring the surgery.

Recent experience of trying to intervene on someone’s else behalf for healthcare here and that’s what I was advised.

Try not to drive yourself mad with it though, it’s really hard when someone is displaying massive red flags and doesn’t want to address it, you have to find a way to reconcile that there may not be much within your power to actually ‘do’.

Original poster
SilverGlassHare · 01/08/2022 19:53

@Fuuuuuckit yeah. That’s about the size of it. I guess that’s one reason I don’t want to baldly blurt it out, because he must know the possibilities if he’s having chest pain, but I don’t think he realises that nail clubbing is also a sign.

Also I’m a total hypochondriac on my family’s behalf so he has a tendency to dismiss my fears.

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverGlassHare · 28/10/2022 08:21

An quick update - after several months of investigations, including ultrasounds and chest X-rays and finally an angiogram, my dad’s been diagnosed with coronary artery disease. He’s got to have a triple bypass before Xmas, with a pretty good chance of having a new lease of life afterwards! So while I might have been controlling and bossy and possibly patronising and infantilising him, now I’m very glad I did push so hard for him to get checked out.

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ClarebaldingforPM · 28/10/2022 08:51

well done OP- so good to hear that he’s been able to access the appropriate treatment before it turns into an emergency situation.

Gassylady · 28/10/2022 08:56

@SilverGlassHare another voice saying please tell your dad something along the lines of “I’m concerned it might be something serious like cancer. Please tell the doctor everything you’ve told me and show them your hands Dad”
Im sure all smokers must know it’s a possibility even if they don’t want to acknowledge it.

Original poster
SilverGlassHare · 21/11/2022 17:49

A final update - my dad was found dead last week - I hadn’t heard from him for a couple of days, couldn’t get hold of him so a relative went round, couldn’t get in and called the police who found him in bed (I don’t live close). Just found out from the coroner that cause of death was due to his coronary heart disease. Kicking myself that I didn’t push harder and earlier now.

OP posts: