Infertility is ruining my life

[whattheactualfck]

As the title says - infertility is ruining my life. It's controlling my every thought. It's ruining my sex life. It's ruining relationships with friends and families. I literally feel like I eat, sleep, breathe infertility.

Does this feeling ever go away or ease?

I'm awaiting a laparoscopy to remove endo (which I'm suspecting is gonna be pretty significant although asymptomatic) and a hydrosalpinx tube. I'm absolutely praying to the god of all gods that it's only the one tube that's destroyed.

I just can't see a way past feeling so useless essentially. I feel like my body has failed me and that my husband is going to one day leave me if I can't get pregnant naturally or via ivf.

Ivf terrifies me. I'm the worlds biggest wimp, can barely swallow a paracetamol!!! What if it doesn't work? How can I live my life without my baby?

I'm sorry for this rambly, wingey post. I never expected this diagnosis and I, like every other woman struggling to conceive, 'didn't think it would happen to me'. I just feel very alone with no support from real life family and friends.

I had my first IVF DC at 40 and my second at 42. The hormones did send me a bit haywire but I found two things particularly helpful. One was watching Marie Kondo on Netflix- she is so calm and Zen, it really helped me to chill out. The second was planning all the nice things we could do if the cycle didn't work (retire earlier, travel, etc). It definitely helped keep me sane through the process, knowing that if plan A didn't happen, there was a plan B which wasn't my first choice but which would be ok nonetheless. Good luck to you!

If you do go down the IVF route, Access Fertility offer a 100% Refund Program for under 40s. Full refund if you're unsuccessful. www.accessfertility.com/programmes/the-access-fertility-ivf-refund-programme/

There are many people on here who have been in worse situations than me, but here is my story: My wife and I struggled with infertility for years. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. After a few moths of trying, we started TRYING. My wife was charting and we were timing intercourse (kind of kills the mood). I got tested and everything seemed fine on my side. Of course that made my wife feel it was all her fault. I tried to be as supportive as I could, but there was nothing I could say to take away the pain when another AF arrived. She tried femara with metformin for many cycles. Then she got a laparoscopy to scrape everything out, then max does of femara with trigger shots. On our third cycle using femara and a trigger shot, we finally got what we'd been waiting for. After so many sad tears we finally had happy tears flowing. Infertilely tests a relationship, but you can get though it. My wife is 17 weeks pregnant right now, and the two of us have never been happier. Wishing you a happy ending as well.

I won't lie it is shit. There are so
many ups and downs.

After 7 years or TTC, tests and then being told I would never have a baby I got a shock positive result.

Don’t go private before using the NHS. You have time as you are only 30.

We started IVF appointments in Jan 2015 and our actual cycle in August-September. I had my positive pregnancy test at the clinic at the end of September. So all done in 9 months. Don’t risk losing that one (or two or 3, depending on your trust) by going private.

I was 33 when I started IVF. And it’s really not scary! Just think of what you might get out of it, and it will see you through.

Good luck!

I had failed IVF. The first round my eggs didn't fertilise and the second round ICSI was used but the embryo quality declined so rapidly that the only two viable embyros died within days of implant resulting in a miscarriage.

We took the difficult decision to not proceed with any further IVF rounds given the success rate was predicted to be very low (c.8%) and costs high due to my (lack of) egg quality. We also decided not to proceed with donor eggs or adoption. I was honest with my DP and said I'd understand if he wanted to leave, he stayed.

I had alot of dark days after my miscarriage and deciding to not proceed with further IVF (I have zero chance of conceiving naturally) but weirdly also felt a sense of relief that it was finally over one way or another (guilt kicked in later) as it had taken six years from starting TTC to when I miscarried.

Whilst it will never be the same as what you'd hoped, there is a big childless not by choice community out there who totally get it and are so supportive. I still have some tough days but for the most part my life has moved on, I have found happiness in other things and am continuing to work on kindness towards my body.

I wanted to give some hope to you should you find yourself in the same place but I have everything crossed that this does not become a reality for you and that you will fall pregnant once your endo is removed. There are lots of success stories out there and the odds at your age are definitely in your favour.

Good luck x

I still don’t understand the problem. Embryos are screened. Genetically viable ones are transferred. Higher likelihood of baby while mum is younger.

there might be some viable embryos left which can be frozen.

in which case at some point a decision has to be made.

Which also happens frequently in IVF.

I am still not understanding the problem here..

@Rainyday4321
What you're saying is logical but a few potential issues:
The screening is done by biopsy and the embryos are frozen while tests are carried out, to be transferred after results obtained. So there may be embryos which don't survive the testing process which could have resulted in a successful pregnancy. Though those that do survive may be stronger embryos.

There's still debate about whether mosaic embryos are good enough to transfer.

Some people don't get embryos suitable for freezing so in that case it's a decision as to whether to transfer or not.

It's also an extra expense, whether it's worth it or not for a 30 year old, or anyone, depends on circumstances.