I'm being unreasonable, and even that is annoying me.

[SummerHoliStress]

Im being unreasonable, I know.

Maybe I just need telling because I can't even figure out why I'm annoyed.

We've been parents for 16 years, but I've always taken annual leave in the school holidays because I can and DH doesn't get paid if he doesn't work.

For the first time DH has had to take two weeks off to look after the younger ones.
He timed it with his parents coming down for the week last week.

He went and got them last Sunday and spent the day doing so.
He had the kids and my in laws this week, on Saturday morning he spent time alone with them and they had he drove them home this morning (1 hour away).

He left at 09.30 and he won't be home until about 4pm.

And it's pissed me off. I stupidly thought he would drop his parents home and leave. And he hasn't. He has gone and put his feet up for a few hours before he comes home.

And it's annoyed me.

Im unreasonable to be annoyed, I know I am.

Why has it annoyed me? The kids are being fine, they aren't stressing me out too much.
Why am I being a dick?

Why don't you just say "please be back by X time as I want to do y?"

Yanbu. That's so tboughtless and annoying of him. No-one is talking about a curfew, just a rough estimate of time of return so you can plan your time.

I wondered if there might be a bit of ‘poor son works so hard and needs his mum to look after him’ going on. I have seen that before.

It can be quite controlling to go out, leaving you with all the childcare, and refuse to say when he’s coming back.

@SummerHoliStress

So why don't you say, no actually it's not convenient for me to look after the children right know I'm going out.

Or, if you're going out you need to be back by x time because I'm going out then?

It would get to me if the communication dramatically worsens only when he goes to his folks.

He knows he's pushing the line. Maybe they are hard to leave, maybe he is under pressure to be a 'good son' by staying, but if so he should talk to you about it and not treat you like an idiot.

maybe he is under pressure to be a 'good son' by staying.

You have struck a cord there actually, he is always trying to be the good son.
He's a bloody brilliant son but his father has never seen it that way and DH has spent his life trying to convince him otherwise which is pretty heartbreaking.

I think you're right that that will have a big impact on this.

Maybe you could also answer the many pertinent other questions on the thread?

Maybe you could also answer the many pertinent other questions on the thread?

which ones have I missed?! I thought I was quite present for them!

You are always default childcare that is an issue in this.

He’s extremely inconsiderate. Telling you he’s off to the gym with 3 kids and he hasn’t checked that it’s ok? Staying overnight without mentioning it? He totally relies on you to sort out the house/children. I’d definitely be thwarting his plans whenever possible. He needs to understand that he can’t just tell you what he’s doing when there are 2 little dc that need to be considered.

Sounds like you are the de facto parent and he is around to pick you up and drop you all at his convenience. It shows a lack of respect. No wonder you're annoyed. Can you get some time off for you?

Are they a 10min drive away or 4 hours??

10mins YANBU
4hrs YABU

HTH

*Are they a 10min drive away or 4 hours??

10mins YANBU
4hrs YABU

HTH*

oh yeah, I deliberately didn't answer that question because it clearly states it in my original post.

HTH