To have advised friend to keep quiet

[Bearhats21]

Last year a close friend confided in me that on a trip back to her hometown she got drunk and kissed an old friend.
She is married with two children.At the time her DM had just died and her DH wasnt particularly supportive.
There has been no repeat behaviour,but yesterday she told me she is thinking of telling him as she still feels so badly.
I've advised her to say nothing, it was a one off event when she was questioning everything.
Was I right to give this advice ? I don't want her to act hastily and ruin many lives ,including her childrens.

All of these people saying that confessing would be selfish are playing extraordinary mental gymnastics.

You cannot say it's a one-off because, presumably, beforehand she would have said she wouldn't cheat at all.

It will only ruin the relationship because her husband may not want to be in a relationship with a woman who cheats and will probably draw the sensible conclusion that someone who has cheated in the past is capable of cheating again if the circumstances align.

I hope you can all be as magnanimous when you catch your husband's playing away.

Thanks for all the replies. I've told her I will support her . To answer some posters it was a kiss nothing else,
and I fully believe she wont do it again. She has gone to counselling but I'm not sure how effective it has been for her.
I believe that people can make a mistake , if this was a regular occurrence there is no way I would support her .

I snogged someone in a club just before dh (age late 20s) and I got engaged. It was a catalyst that made me realise I didn’t want anyone else. Never told dh or snogged anyone else since and this was late 90s.
i would advise not to tell if just a kiss.
the only person that knew was my best friend as I was with her at the time.

I was responding to this

Never was the poster you mentioned!!!

“Never read”

Then who were you talking to when you posted this?

Happyandyouknowit82 · Today 11:22
and even as adults the teens haven’t changed their perspective?

🤦🏼‍♀️

That poster!

and so I asked that poster a question.

to which you responded to…. And then we were off. And since then I have only responded to your posts

Decades long marriage (presumably if had teens)
A recent bereavement of a mother
a one off kiss. No hint of emotional affair.

and the dh ends the marriage
and the relationship with teens never recovers

I can’t imagine ending an otherwise happy marriage over one kiss when clearly in a grieving state of mind

and I can’t imagine my relationship with my mother never recovering if I was a teenager the time

Your right to advise your friend the way you did. What would be the point in her offloading her guilt on to her partner? It's stopping one issue for an even bigger issue.

She did it and its done. Tell her to move on and let it go!

Because maturity sometimes allows you to see the situation more clearly & from
a less selfish viewpoint. I'd say they've inherited their fathers selfish outlook on life.

There is no right or wrong answer so it is up to her. Keeping it a secret may drive a wedge between them and is it fair that he doesn’t know?

But also, it was just a kiss and she’s adamant she’s not going to do it again. It was during a very emotional time and the person she wanted to turn to wasn’t being supportive. I’m sure grieving can make you do irrational things. Like nothing is as important or as bad as losing a person you love.

So in an otherwise good marriage this may cause distrust or break the relationship.

Or it may help the relationship, because the husband may understand and drive him to be more supportive. And she will appreciate him more because she knows that she risks losing him.

Argh, why do people cheat?? The turmoil and destruction is just not worth it.