No pocket money for teen

Mangogogogo · 30/07/2022 12:44

I give mine fuck all now cos he was spending it all on energy drinks and vape stuff. I don’t know if I’m doing right or wrong here tbh but I just can’t trust him! Arghhh. Parenting teens is worse than toddlers by far

Hunderland · 30/07/2022 12:44

I have three teen DC and they have had pocket money for years (£10 pw) - and the older two have also both got jobs. They money they get from that is way above what they get as pocket money!

The younger one is not old enough to work but when the time comes...😉

TeenDivided · 30/07/2022 12:46

I agree with you. You give too much, but no money at all limits their financial education.

kirby2000 · 30/07/2022 12:54

My mum used to have my brother and I do jobs to earn it like I was my responsibility to clean the front room every Friday before I got it and my brother had to hoover the stairs. It was things that she already did but she just wanted us to feel like we earned it and didn't just get handed it. We'd also only get it if we kept our rooms clean, took out washing down and were polite. However with my step siblings they get £15 a week for nothing, they don't clean their rooms, they don't do anything extra to help out and they've always got an attitude. But it is their fathers decision to allow them to be like that, they are being raised very different to my brother and I but I think it taught us well and I'll definitely be doing the same when my kids are older.

Notcontent · 30/07/2022 12:56

I have a teen and she gets more than £70 per month. I take the view that she needs some money of her own to get a coffee or lunch with a friend in the holidays or weekends etc. She can’t get a job at the moment as her school commitments are too much - very long school day and weekends are spent on homework and revising.

litlealligator · 30/07/2022 12:57

It's reasonable to link pocket money to chores so that teens learn that they earn the money they get. I think that's the best way.

RagzRebooted · 30/07/2022 12:58

Mine get £10 a month and opportunity to earn about £20 more by doing certain chores that have different values attached. DD rarely bothers. DS2 is will do a couple of chores here and there to get a few quid to go up the shop with his mates. DS1 will do a few a week and let it build up to over £10 before he asks for it for something specific.

I do pay for their travel if they want to meet up with friends as it's not their fault we live rurally, plus they get lifts from us if we can.

They're getting older and if I could I would give them more, but I currently can't afford to. When DH is back at work I will increase their basic monthly amount to at least £20, though DS1 is currently applying for jobs there isn't much here as we're in a village.

kirby2000 · 30/07/2022 12:59

I'd like to add my brother and I were getting £5-10 a week from around 2012-2018 so I don't know if £15 is the equivalent with prices going up. I think you do give too much money but I don't think you're being unreasonable, she is limiting her daughter financially and it is probably hard for her daughter and your son as well because he is helping her out with money. I know it was hard when I was younger and you wanted to do something like go to the cinema but one friend didn't get money to go. You felt bad going with out them but couldn't keep paying for them. So definitely NBU

Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 13:14

Mangogogogo · 30/07/2022 12:44

I give mine fuck all now cos he was spending it all on energy drinks and vape stuff. I don’t know if I’m doing right or wrong here tbh but I just can’t trust him! Arghhh. Parenting teens is worse than toddlers by far

Oh my goodness, it is! Actually, DBF's DD was drinking energy drinks which may be another reason why she is strict with giving money.

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 13:27

Hunderland · 30/07/2022 12:44

I have three teen DC and they have had pocket money for years (£10 pw) - and the older two have also both got jobs. They money they get from that is way above what they get as pocket money!

The younger one is not old enough to work but when the time comes...😉

That's what I remember - work brought in so much extra money beyond the basic pocket money, that it was really worth it.

My teen does want to work but I think often jobs want you to be 17. Even if he can get some volunteer work at 16 I think he would go for it.

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 13:29

TeenDivided · 30/07/2022 12:46

I agree with you. You give too much, but no money at all limits their financial education.

Yes, I think giving too much also means they don't learn to budget well. It is a bit tricky because the money comes from different people not just me.

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MummyInTheNecropolis · 30/07/2022 13:29

I give mine her child benefit money (£20 per week) but she is actively looking for jobs - she did have one until a few weeks ago but it didn’t work out, she has an interview next week and is still applying for others but there’s so much competition, she has been rejected for so many already. We live in London, socialising is expensive, I don’t want her to miss out so I’m happy to fund her going for days out with friends.

Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 13:36

kirby2000 · 30/07/2022 12:54

My mum used to have my brother and I do jobs to earn it like I was my responsibility to clean the front room every Friday before I got it and my brother had to hoover the stairs. It was things that she already did but she just wanted us to feel like we earned it and didn't just get handed it. We'd also only get it if we kept our rooms clean, took out washing down and were polite. However with my step siblings they get £15 a week for nothing, they don't clean their rooms, they don't do anything extra to help out and they've always got an attitude. But it is their fathers decision to allow them to be like that, they are being raised very different to my brother and I but I think it taught us well and I'll definitely be doing the same when my kids are older.

My DC do have jobs round the house that they have to do. Teen has to empty the dishwasher, do washing up after dinner (what can't go in dishwasher) or cook dinner, do his laundry and keep his room clean. He also helps with anything extra I ask like putting out bin bags etc. He's a good lad. I don't link this specifically to his money as the allowance I give him is mainly for essential things like clothing, toiletries etc. He always does his jobs, though.

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 13:42

kirby2000 · 30/07/2022 12:59

I'd like to add my brother and I were getting £5-10 a week from around 2012-2018 so I don't know if £15 is the equivalent with prices going up. I think you do give too much money but I don't think you're being unreasonable, she is limiting her daughter financially and it is probably hard for her daughter and your son as well because he is helping her out with money. I know it was hard when I was younger and you wanted to do something like go to the cinema but one friend didn't get money to go. You felt bad going with out them but couldn't keep paying for them. So definitely NBU

Yes, I did have to say to my DS, I don't mind him treating her sometimes (as bless her, she was a bit embarrassed about her pack lunch). But when he was treating they would both have a bit of a rubbish lunch as shared the money and I knew her mum had put in the effort to give her a healthy packed lunch and I wanted him to buy decent food for himself.

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Hankunamatata · 30/07/2022 13:47

My parents couldn't afford pocket money (they made sure I had everything I needed) so I got paperound at 11 and then shop job at 15.

Perhaps your friend doesnt have it in her budget to give weekly allowance

Bagpuss2022 · 30/07/2022 13:47

I have two adult DC they got £10 a week both started work at 16 and were raking it in with there jobs.
DD 12 doesn’t have regular pocket money but she has a prepaid card i top up when she has plans and usually always has a running balance of at least £10 so she’s always got money for a drink/McDonald’s etc

I think a nominal amount of money is great but not too much that it doesn’t give them the incentive to work

we always had non negotiable jobs bedrooms clean, bring down own washing, wash up after selves etc

Davyjones · 30/07/2022 13:49

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 12:41

Just interested to hear what you do with your teens and different opinions.

Myself and my DBF (best friend) both have 15yos. Mine gets an allowance from me and pocket money from my DF. It totals £70 per month. DBF's teen doesn't get any allowance or pocket money. She obviously gets her clothes/toiletries bought for her and a fiver here and there when she asks. DBF and I were discussing it and she doesn't want to give her any money as she wants her to get a job and thinks if she gets pocket money it will discourage her.

I can see her thinking but firstly I don't think there are many jobs going for their age group and I also think a small amount of money wouldn't discourage them if they could get more money on top by working. I actually think my DS gets too much. Before they broke up from college he was also getting money for transport/food too and I know he would treat her as she was the only one that had no money for food - her DM made her a very nice packed lunch.

So overall, I feel I've gone too far in one direction (give too much money) but I feel she is too far in the other direction (not enough money). What do you think?

At this age I had a bus pass and a job
it was 1996 but man have things changed

Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 13:53

MummyInTheNecropolis · 30/07/2022 13:29

I give mine her child benefit money (£20 per week) but she is actively looking for jobs - she did have one until a few weeks ago but it didn’t work out, she has an interview next week and is still applying for others but there’s so much competition, she has been rejected for so many already. We live in London, socialising is expensive, I don’t want her to miss out so I’m happy to fund her going for days out with friends.

Do you mind me asking how old she is? I also don't want my teen missing out on socialising, I do get DLA for him so use some of that for his allowance. I think if they have no money to do anything they are more likely to hang around the streets and perhaps get into trouble?

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 13:58

Hankunamatata · 30/07/2022 13:47

My parents couldn't afford pocket money (they made sure I had everything I needed) so I got paperound at 11 and then shop job at 15.

Perhaps your friend doesnt have it in her budget to give weekly allowance

My DS buys the things he needs from his allowance so I don't have that as a separate expense. My DBF could afford something, not necessarily a lot.

It's a shame but (around here anyway) you seem to have to be 17 to get a job as my DS and I did look into it last year. Apparently, DBF's DD has tried to get a job and also come up against this barrier. One of her friends has got a summer job in a cafe at 15, though. I don't think many will take them that young, though.

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 14:00

Bagpuss2022 · 30/07/2022 13:47

I have two adult DC they got £10 a week both started work at 16 and were raking it in with there jobs.
DD 12 doesn’t have regular pocket money but she has a prepaid card i top up when she has plans and usually always has a running balance of at least £10 so she’s always got money for a drink/McDonald’s etc

I think a nominal amount of money is great but not too much that it doesn’t give them the incentive to work

we always had non negotiable jobs bedrooms clean, bring down own washing, wash up after selves etc

Yes, I agree with this. And yes, I'm the same with non-negotiable jobs. I wouldn't remove money for DS not doing his jobs because his jobs have to be done.

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 14:00

Davyjones · 30/07/2022 13:49

At this age I had a bus pass and a job
it was 1996 but man have things changed

Show quote history

They have!

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Anothernamechangeplease · 30/07/2022 14:01

I give mine a monthly allowance. She 17 now but has had the allowance for around 3-4 years. It's more than £70 but she pays for all her clothes, toiletries, gifts, bus fares, entertainment etc. I pay for her phone, for stuff that she needs for school and for her extracurricular activities.

Having the allowance didn't stop her from getting a PT job. In fact, she was one of the first in her friendship group to get one. She works in a cafe and she also tutors younger children. She's managed to save £2000 over the last couple of years.

Her closest friend doesn't have an allowance or a job. If she needs something, she asks her parents to pay for it. DD has commented before that said friend doesn't really seem to understand the value of money or think about how much anything costs.

I think it's good for them to have experience of managing their money when they're still living at home, so that they're ready to do it properly when they have to live independently.

ChinnyTroubles · 30/07/2022 14:06

Mine always got a £1 a month for their ages when they became teens. So my 17year old gets £17 though now I have just rounded it up to £20 as he empties the dishwasher every day.
But I obvs pay for his phone £15 a month and his cinema card £16 so I suppose he gets £50/55 a month

Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 14:26

Anothernamechangeplease · 30/07/2022 14:01

I give mine a monthly allowance. She 17 now but has had the allowance for around 3-4 years. It's more than £70 but she pays for all her clothes, toiletries, gifts, bus fares, entertainment etc. I pay for her phone, for stuff that she needs for school and for her extracurricular activities.

Having the allowance didn't stop her from getting a PT job. In fact, she was one of the first in her friendship group to get one. She works in a cafe and she also tutors younger children. She's managed to save £2000 over the last couple of years.

Her closest friend doesn't have an allowance or a job. If she needs something, she asks her parents to pay for it. DD has commented before that said friend doesn't really seem to understand the value of money or think about how much anything costs.

I think it's good for them to have experience of managing their money when they're still living at home, so that they're ready to do it properly when they have to live independently.

Your teen sounds great! How old was she when she got a job? I pay £10 per month for DS's phone too as does DBF with her DD. We also both pay for educational things. DS pays for mostly everything else himself. Unfortunately, it doesn't really understand about saving. I'm not sure if this is linked to his autism but he struggles to understand dates/the days of the week/what time has passed.

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Original poster

WatermelonWaveclub · 30/07/2022 14:29

I mean he will save for specific things but doesn't seem to understand 'saving for his future'. I think it's too abstract for him.

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