No pocket money for teen

[WatermelonWaveclub]

Just interested to hear what you do with your teens and different opinions.

Myself and my DBF (best friend) both have 15yos. Mine gets an allowance from me and pocket money from my DF. It totals £70 per month. DBF's teen doesn't get any allowance or pocket money. She obviously gets her clothes/toiletries bought for her and a fiver here and there when she asks. DBF and I were discussing it and she doesn't want to give her any money as she wants her to get a job and thinks if she gets pocket money it will discourage her.

I can see her thinking but firstly I don't think there are many jobs going for their age group and I also think a small amount of money wouldn't discourage them if they could get more money on top by working. I actually think my DS gets too much. Before they broke up from college he was also getting money for transport/food too and I know he would treat her as she was the only one that had no money for food - her DM made her a very nice packed lunch.

So overall, I feel I've gone too far in one direction (give too much money) but I feel she is too far in the other direction (not enough money). What do you think?

I think its actually quite tricky because it depends on the teen and of course how much you give them - for some getting pocket money means learning how to save and budget, spending money on treats and doing things with friends. And for some it’s just spending money on shit food and actually not appreciating the value of money at all because it just ‘appears’. For some it’s an incentive to go out and earn so they can top up what they get. For some it’s an excuse not too.
I think your friend is being somewhat unfair though - she’s sort of anticipating her daughter not wanting to work, but who’s to say that will be the case? Is she generally lazy?

*I think a nominal amount of money is great but not too much that it doesn’t give them the incentive to work

we always had non negotiable jobs bedrooms clean, bring down own washing, wash up after selves etc*

I totally agree with this. My 16yo dd gets £35 per month pocket money from us, plus the occasional bit of cash here and there. She works 6 hours on a Sunday at a local cafe, all her friends work, most do more hours than this.

We've never paid our 3 kids to do basic household chores - they're all expected to help out by keeping rooms clean (not necessarily tidy!), wash their own clothes, load the dishwasher, the odd bit of vacuuming/dusting/cleaning sinks, walk the dog etc. I don't link chores to money, because I believe that everyone should help out at home, regardless of money. We did used to pay them a little extra when they were younger (if they wanted extra money) to do things like wash the cars.

Unreasonable to expect someone under 16 to have a part time job. The jobs are very very limited and usually restricted to paper round, and there obviously isn’t enough spaces for everyone to do that

My DS who is 15 gets £10 per week. Well, actually £9 at the moment, as he's paying back some money I lent him...

My DD who is 18 had the same amount as him then. Over the years she's made a little money but doesn't have a part-time job. On her 18th birthday we increased her "allowance" to what she will be getting at university (£400 per month to top up her student loan) so that she can build up a reserve. I know that we're in a very fortunate position to be able to do that for an extra four months, it might have been different with a September birthday! If she were lying around doing nothing all day in the summer holidays we'd encourage her to get a job, but she's working very hard on her own projects which direct relate to her course at university.

Both have non-negotiable chores.

Can't really say if your friend is U to expect her child to get a job without knowing how possible that actually is.

Round here, not very possible at all if you don't drive or can't get reliable lifts to and from - the most casual work here is bar work/gastropub and obviously there are age limits, most places only need a pot collector on weekends and most kitchens want a full time potwasher/kitchen dogsbody not a part time one, and the hours for that rule out 'still in education' teens really.

In the nearest big town/small city though, lots going on, good public transport - part time work is achievable and reasonable to expect.

I think kids should learn to manage money first - then gradually be expected to earn more of it in some way or another.

You can't learn to manage money if you don't have a regular income.

It may be easier to manage money if you're given lots of it, but there is still the scope to learn there.

She got the job a week after her 16th birthday. It is possible to work at 15, but I do think it's harder for them to find a job at that age. Working has been brilliant for her tbh. We've talked about it a lot, and I think it has been really good for her to have that kind of responsibility.

The ones who don't work definitely have a different perspective. I remember it being really hard for dd last summer when very few of her friends had jobs. They would ask her to do stuff, and she would say that she couldn't as she was on the rota to be in work. Her friends would say stuff like, can't you just take the day off, or can't you just call in sick. DD found it really hard to explain that she didn't want to let her employer down, and she was in apology mode to her friends the whole summer.

Fast forward a year, and most of them have jobs now, so this summer, they get it. They understand that you make a commitment and you stick to it. There's just a couple who don't have jobs yet, and they still think it's easy to call in sick or whatever.

As my dd says, when you're a kid, you're not really responsible for anything other than yourself - if you don't do what you're supposed to do, it's mostly just yourself than you're letting down. It's different when you're in work as you have obligations to other people. I think that's really good learning!

Yes, it is tricky. I wouldn't say she is lazy, she seems quite motivated to me and has actually been trying to find a job but no luck as they all want them to be 17+.

Yes, I agree with this. I like my DC to help out at home because it is their home too. We all help out each other.

That is good to hear your 16yo has got some work. Maybe we can find somewhere for our DC next Summer.

Even paper rounds seem to have higher ages wanted these days. But yes, I think 16 is a better age to expect them to get a job and even those seem limited until they are 17.

She really sounds brilliant! My DS is very responsible and I think he would thrive in a 'Saturday' job, as would DBF's DD. They're both really good kids and really responsible with their school work etc. Hopefully next summer.

My DS (15) and DD (14) get £20 a month. Both have part time jobs though. DS got a job in the local shop at 14 and has now left to work somewhere else (more money) just for the summer. DD will do the same next year and then they'll stay at the same place through 6th form(and uni if they go). DS will earn over a £1000 this summer then he'll concentrate on GCSEs and work at the same place again next summer.

Earning their own money makes them value it more and both are saving for driving lessons and a car at 17. They'll also spend some of it too.

I also expect them to help around the house, taking bins out, feeding animals, taking turns to cook, load dishwasher, changing their beds etc. They also sometimes do the shopping. I give them a budget and they have to buy what they'd like to eat that week within the budget. I'm a single parent and they both know and understand that I can't - and shouldn't be expected to - do everything.

I do think £70 a month is too much to have just as 'disposable' income.

Thanks @WatermelonWaveclub . She is brilliant, though I may be slightly biased!

I hope that your ds is able to find a job when he's ready for one. Our top tip as a young job hunter is not to bother applying for stuff online, but to print out a cv and walk around town, proactively going into coffee shops etc to ask if they're hiring. A lot of jobs in hospitality and retail are never even advertised because they get so many walk-in candidates that they don't need to bother! That's what has worked best for dd and her friends, in any case!

Jobs are limited but they do exist. My DS and DD both got jobs at 14 in the local shop and now at 15 DS is working somewhere seasonal, they mostly employ teenagers for the summer. They're treated really well, get a great lunch given to them and free drinks throughout the day.

At 16 mine were getting £50 pocket money directly into their bank account, they washed the dishes and kept their rooms tidy for this. It didn’t deter them from getting a job. Ds was 16 and was washing dishes in a kitchen at that age and dd got a job in a restaurant at 17. They soon learned hat they could earn more money working. Pocket money stopped after their 1st wage.

My DS is 15 and gets £40 pocket money and £40 for clothing and toiletries per month. I also pay for his phone and game pass. He would like to get a job but minimum age seems to be 16-17 round here.

How lucky the shop would take them so young. That's great they are saving too. Do they buy their own clothes etc or do you still buy those? Yes, £70 is rather a lot. I am going to talk to him about saving some of it. That's interesting about the shopping. I've never done that but think I'll give it a go! I'm a single parent too and my DC are very aware that if they don't help then it is all left to one person. I can't fault my DS for helping out and doing his jobs.

There are jobs, at 14 my dd had a paper round, at 15 she was washing up in a local restaurant and now at 16 she waitreses

That's a good tip. That's what I remember doing as a 16 year old.

That sounds great. Unfortunately, jobs that young don't seem to exist round here. There are some employers that seem to treat their young workers well but won't take anyone under 16 or 17.

Ah, so quite similar to my boy. And yes, 16-17 here too.

As a tween, I complained that I wasn’t getting pocket money like my friends. My parents got me to sit down and write out how much they paid for the different clubs I attended each week (swimming, gymnastics, youth club etc). It soon added up!

I got a part time job at 15 waitressing (a fair few years ago now) and juggled part-time work until I graduated from university. It did me the world of good- improved my confidence and time management skills, helped me to manage my own money and made me value things I bought with my wages.

No set pocket money here, never had it when I were a kid/teen either. You do chores around the house because you have to, just like they will have to when they have their own place. If they want money to go out or so something then they ask, and it will depend on how their behaviour has been.

No paper rounds for under 16s here, waitressing not until 17.

That sounds like something my parents would do!

Yes, so many skills can be learnt.

She is 16, and yes, I agree with you, I’d much rather she spent her weekends at the cinema or in nandos rather than hanging around the streets which a lot of people her age seem to do around here. Of course if she were lazy or entitled, and wasn’t willing to work, I would not be so willing to fund her social life!