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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to change his plans if I'm sick

49 replies

Saywot1 · 30/07/2022 07:35

My head is v foggy so just going to explain situation as objectively as poss.

DH does online gaming with his friends every Friday. He's 43 and I do hold a bit of judgement that he games every week from 8 to 3am.

We have 2DC who are 1 and 4.

Every Saturday morning DH has a lie in as he went to bed at 3am. Every Sunday morning I have a lie in.

Last night at 9pm I started feeling v unwell. By 10pm I was being sick in our bathroom. Hobbled downstairs to tell DH, he took his headphones off for a second and said "oh no" but it was clear I'd interrupted the game. I really did tell him this was not good, couldn't even keep water down.

Woke at 2am. Sick again. Went downstairs go DH still gaming and said "I don't think I can get up with the kids in the morning". He shrugged, came to bed at 3.

Now he has got up with the kids. After lots of "FFS" under his breath this morning. Had to keep prodding him awake as i heard the one year old crying in his cot. He's pretty grumpy but he has done it. Even though I did need to help get the 1 year old downstairs

AIBU to feel irritated? I mean he has got up with them after all even though he's v grumpy.

I just think why not stop gaming much earlier when he knew how unwell I was??

We have had an awful week. A&E visit for the 4 Yr old. Family problem. Work is relentless. He thinks he therefore deserves his gaming time but I think he needs sleep so he can not be so grumpy with me when I've spent all night puking

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 30/07/2022 07:41

You can be irritated all you like. At least he did get up for you.

TibetanTerrah · 30/07/2022 07:44

He made his choice and is now dealing with the consequences I.e. no sleep. He was probably hoping you felt OK this morning but thems the breaks.

Ignore the grumpiness. I dont game or the children and im like a bear with a sore head on little sleep. Just let him crack on, isn't sleep deprivation part and parcel of being a parent? Smile

get well soon Flowers

TibetanTerrah · 30/07/2022 07:45

*have children not the children!

RealBecca · 30/07/2022 07:48

I voted yabu because i think you could have said at 10pm you need him up in the morning and he could have had the choice about whether to stay up another 5 hours or not.

Marvellousmadness · 30/07/2022 07:48

Blah blah
The problem isnt that you were unwell
The problem is that your dh plays online games with his friends until 3am.
He won't change. You knew that. Dont expect him to because you have kids now. You already knew he was a dipsh*t.

He did get up though? So. Well. Yeah..

PragmaticWench · 30/07/2022 07:48

Even though I did need to help get the 1 year old downstairs

Why on earth couldn't he get a small child downstairs* *on his own when you're ill?!

RedHelenB · 30/07/2022 07:49

He got up with the kids. He's an adult, if he's tired because he wanted to carry on gaming so be it. Go to sleep yourself now.

LittleBearPad · 30/07/2022 07:49

He has got up with the children. I’m not sure it’s worth falling out over

Disneyblueeyes · 30/07/2022 07:51

Marvellousmadness · 30/07/2022 07:48

Blah blah
The problem isnt that you were unwell
The problem is that your dh plays online games with his friends until 3am.
He won't change. You knew that. Dont expect him to because you have kids now. You already knew he was a dipsh*t.

He did get up though? So. Well. Yeah..

I don't see a problem with him playing games until 3am.
She gets her lie in on a Sunday, seems fair to me.

OP ignore his grumpiness and get well soon. At least he did get up.

PritiPatelsMaker · 30/07/2022 07:53

Why did you get up?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 30/07/2022 07:53

He thinks he therefore deserves his gaming time but I think he needs sleep so he can not be so grumpy with me when I've spent all night puking

But it's not up to you what he thinks. He has got up, reluctantly or not. I'd just go back to sleep and let him carry on. If it's been a stressful week, gaming is probably how he de stresses, there's nothing wrong with that.

KarrotKake · 30/07/2022 07:55

Neither of you knew what state you would be in at 7am.

He took the risk, he has got up.

Hope you are feeling better soon. If it's the same thing DH had last week, tiny sips of water - or better yet tiny sips of rehydration salts - until you can keep more down.

SunshineLoving · 30/07/2022 07:56

I would be annoyed too. He should have stopped the game last night, at least taken a break from it, to come and see if you were okay. He shouldn't have needed to be asked to get up with the children this morning.

I do think the problem here is the weekly massive game session and not just last night. If you're not happy about the gaming happening every week, you need to talk to him.

RocketsMagnificent7 · 30/07/2022 08:01

KangarooKenny · 30/07/2022 07:41

You can be irritated all you like. At least he did get up for you.

Erm no. He got up to care for his children for whom he has shared responsibility. His wife is ill, he does not deserve praise for the most basic parenting.

He knew quite early on his wife was poorly, common sense should have told him he'd likely need to be on duty this morning. He then made a choice to stay up until 3am. It's his own fault if he's tired.

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 30/07/2022 08:06

I don't think he's done much wrong either.

You say;

We have had an awful week. A&E visit for the 4 Yr old. Family problem. Work is relentless. He thinks he therefore deserves his gaming time but I think he needs sleep so he can not be so grumpy with me when I've spent all night puking

But it's not up to you. He's an adult and if he wants to stay up playing video games to de-stress instead of getting an early night, that's his choice. He still got up this morning and dealt with the children - so go back to sleep and stop fretting.

It's really not a big deal that he's tired and grumpy, though I know it feels that way when you're sick. But honestly, nothing bad will happen. He'll have coffee and a power nap, and the kids can have a lazy day in front of screens or playing quietly at home.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/07/2022 08:07

Yabu - because he has got up, and it was his choice whether he did so tired or bouncing out of bed.

Discovereads · 30/07/2022 08:08

YABU to be irritated. It’s unreasonable to expect someone to jump out of bed all bright eyed and cheerful when they were told at 2am that they couldn’t have the lie in they usually get. There’s not much difference between 2am and 3am, so I understand why he finished the game so as to not let down his mates. He’s doing the right thing getting up with the DC as you are currently sick, there’s no need to demand he can’t have a bit of a grumble…just don’t take it personally. He’s not grumbling at you, but the situation.

Online gaming once a week in the evening is perfectly fine. Everyone should have time for their hobby. Doesn’t make him a “dipshit” as one poster called him.

luxxlisbon · 30/07/2022 08:09

*AIBU to feel irritated? I mean he has got up with them after all even though he's v grumpy.

I just think why not stop gaming much earlier when he knew how unwell I was??*

I mean you only told him you needed him to get up at 2am and he stayed up 1 extra hour. I don’t understand people who expect their partners to be mind readers and then get pissed off at them.
He usually gets the lie in on a Saturday, you get one on Sunday. You told him at the last minute you couldn’t get up on Saturday morning with the kids, he was tired but still got up.
There is no point stewing on this. Stop wasting your lie in on mumsnet and go to sleep.

D0lphine · 30/07/2022 08:10

How often are you I'll?

luxxlisbon · 30/07/2022 08:12

Also sometimes men can’t win. If his hobby is on a Sunday afternoon it’s taking away from family time and therefore is an issue, if he starts it after the kids have gone to bed on a Friday night it’s still an issue because he could be sleeping.
Plenty of people still need some element of down time after a stressful week. If I’ve had no free time all week I often stay up later than I should after the baby has gone to bed as it’s my only time to myself.
If my partner treated my like a child and told me I had to go to sleep I would be annoyed.

SleepingAgent · 30/07/2022 08:12

RealBecca · 30/07/2022 07:48

I voted yabu because i think you could have said at 10pm you need him up in the morning and he could have had the choice about whether to stay up another 5 hours or not.

Umm why does she need to spell this out to him?? couldn't a reasonable adult work out that if their partner is actually vomiting, they might be needed? Confused

Duttercup · 30/07/2022 08:13

But he did get up?

I don't know. I don't want my husband to always expect me to do things with grace, especially mornings. I don't have a lot of morning grace.

dustandroses · 30/07/2022 08:36

I hope you got back to sleep and are feeling better. I think the real issue is you have a problem with him gaming every week.

Is this his only hobby does it interfere with the rest of the week?

dustandroses · 30/07/2022 08:37

if He had said sorry you are poorly I will get up in the morning and carried on gaming knowing he was getting up early would that have been ok?

crumpet · 30/07/2022 08:38

Why on earth was he unable to get a one year old downstairs without help?

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