Pressuring kids to eat their food

[Sparkles20]

So I'd like some clarity on this please.
Last night me and DS6 went round DP for dinner. She has a DD10.

DD is a nightmare atm at meal times. She tries to distract us by talking while eating so she doesn't have to finish her tea. All she wants to eat is sweets and sweet stuff. So she was doing her usual at dinner last night. My DS had pretty much ate all his, had a few bits left.

DP snapped and said she was fed up of them not eating all their dinner all the time and they have to eat every bit of their tea to get pudding. I said we'll it's OK to leave small bits isn't, they aren't expected to have every single crumb. She said it's my house and my rules and if they want pudding they have to eat it all. She then scrapped all the crumbs in DS dish and made him feel like he had eat it. I told her I thought she was being harsh and walked in the kitchen to clear my plate.

I feel she was taking her frustration of her DD out on my DS.

Tonight when I got home she's gone mad at me for saying she was harsh in front of the children. I've told her though that it wasn't OK to make my DS feel like he had to eat the last few small bits of food on his plate when he had done well to eat most of his food. She's now blocked me.

Aibu?

She sounds immature to be blocking you over a disagreement.I don’t agree with making children eat everything if they are full. However she is right that if they haven’t finished their main meal they should het nothing else, no pudding, no snacks.

How long have you been together?

Blocking a partner over something like this would have me running for the hills.

How will she react when it’s a serious problem?

You need to split with her due to her immature behaviour of blocking you when she disagrees with you. It is the equivalent of electronic sulking.

She should be talking to you, so you can explain to her even if she was the parent of 2 children she would need to parent them so their specific needs are met.

Just over 18 months. Yep she doesn't communicate well when problems arise. She runs off

Well apparently saying what I said in front of the children was disgusting and how dare I undermine her in front of them.

I probably should have said something not in front of them but as I've said I don't think my DS should be made to eat 2 small spoon fulls when he had eaten most of it. That was my understanding of our rules before. Eat most of the food and then you can have pudding. Not eat every single bit of food and be pressured to eat that food.

TBH i think this relationship has run its course. I get where she's coming from re eating all the food on the plate (she's wrong there, though) and the constant demands for sweets (you have to be firm) but if she's that immature that she blocks you?

cut your losses. Happy Birthday, i hope you enjoy the concert (if you go)

Your child is not safe with your partner. This is exceptionally dangerous thinking that causes disordered eating. You shouldn’t have allowed your partner to behave this way with your son.

That's the thing she isn't consistent with her DD. One min she's allowed lots of sweets and I've looked at her and been like " thought you said she was having less" and she shrugs then the next thing she's running on how bad sugar is and being really strict.

Thank you, I have a big feeling I won't be going though

I’d get out now tbh

She sounds very immature to be blocking you, and also as though she doesn’t handle her temper well. Not qualities to look for in a partner!

(My exh can be a bit like this - ignoring bad behaviour for too long, then snapping and dramatically throwing away all the snacks in the house. Not healthy)

If she doesn't want to be undermined in front of the children, then she needs to stop behaving like a petulant toddler in front of them. I certainly wouldn't sit there and watch my DS being subjected to another adult's irrational tantrum, nor would I allow him to be subject to a ridiculous arbitrary "rule" that I felt was unfair or unhealthy. I wouldn't be apologising either - she can fuck off.

Tbh OP I would have left it at that point and picked it up with her when the children weren't around to hear.

Obviously her extreme rules are really directed at her own daughter who has issues around finishing meals, which you do know about, and your DS just happened to be there this time so she had to include him.

I completely get why you feel it was unfair, but I think the mistake was probably bringing it up in that moment. You did undermine her and it sounds like her daughter's issue with eating could potentially be a problem that does need dealing with, which I guess was what she was trying to do (albeit in a very clumsy way).

I would have either let DS finish the 2 bites he had left to get pudding, or let him go without pudding there and give him something later, explaining to him why it had happened later.

Your DS is your first priority here. Your P sounds immature and struggling to parent effectively. She does not get to decide arbitrary rules for your DS without discussion other you.
Ditch her and enjoy your birthday without having to worry about her drama any longer.

Why are you inflicting this relationship on your 6 year old?

Yea this seems to be what she does. Leaves it and then snaps all of a sudden

This. End the relationship.
Do you have the tickets and can you take someone else tonight?

Yes, this. I am confused. Is the poster male and visiting his estranged female partner? Or am I just thick?

Does it matter whether the OP is male or female? Could be a man in a straight relationship or a woman in a same-sex relationship. Doesn't matter.

Personally though I would assume "partner" is someone you live with and boyfriend/girlfriend don't live together, but I know a lot of people in long term relationships prefer to say partner whether they live together or not.

If someone tried to parent my son and force him to eat, I would be saying something in front of that person and child. My son needs to see me advocating for him. I'd also leave that person.

I was in an abusive relationship where the partner slowly worked his way up to smacking my daughter.

As a parent with a child who would also not eat dinner but then gorge on sweets, I understand why she may choose to have that rule but she should not be snapping and forcing your son to adhere without prior discussion. Also consistency is key and allowing her child to eat sweets one day then being strict the next is doing no-one a favour.

Equally, I would not say to DH in front of him that a rule he made was harsh but would instead try find some middle ground and then tell him behind closed doors that it was not fair to enforce that.

In your shoes, I would be ending the relationship on her immaturity alone - I could not be in a relationship with someone who blocks me at the sign of a disagreement

Don't make kids eat more than they want. Perhaps if her dd was allowed to stop eating when she feels full, you wouldn't have this bloody palava at meal times. Just leave the kid alone.

Fuck that.

Why are you putting up with it? Why are you allowing your son to be subjected to that?

i am not “questioning” anything @ApolloandDaphne - you yourself said DP can mean two things on here. Context may be everything, but only the intelligent actually clarify things when they don’t understand. Enjoy your acronyms club, but YABU to assume I’m questioning the use of the acronym. I just wanted to understand what I’m reading. Is that ok?

Throw this one back. Bugger how she parents. Not your circus/monkeys. Move on. She is controlling and doesn't respect you as an equal. She doesn't respect your child. She'll only get worse as she gets more comfortable with you.

It all sounds a bit shit and miserable for an 18-month old relationship tbh.