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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my teen DD help with childcare today?

31 replies

migrainepain22 · 28/07/2022 12:43

I suffer from migraines during my period. I'm having a huge flare up currently (day 3 of a horrible migraine and heavy bleeding) and I'm maxed out on pain meds. DH is working til 9.30pm. I am home with our toddler. Teen DD (16) is also home today. She could see I'm struggling in pain and has just ordered me to "go and relax, I'll feed toddler her lunch", and she just took over. I refused to go to bed as I don't want to completely leave her in charge, but I'm sat in the living room and just feeling really guilty and shit. Am I shit mum for letting eldest DD help me with childcare today? She seemed happy enough to do it and I can hear them giggling together in the dining room. I just feel bad about it. 😞

OP posts:
Theworldisfullofgs · 28/07/2022 12:45

No. You'd be a shit mum if you didn't.

A: she's obviously been brought up very well.
B: if you didn't let her it would seem like you didn't trust her.

She sounds fab. Hope you feel better.

DelurkingAJ · 28/07/2022 12:46

I think it’s wonderful and exactly what family should do. I wouldn’t be so keen as a whilst thing because teens should be carefree, in my opinion, as long as possible (there’s a lot of adulting to come). But it sounds like you’ve managed a balance here. Well done!

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/07/2022 12:47

You should be proud of her and graciously accept. Hope you feel better soon. I used to get period migraines and they’re fucking awful.

DelurkingAJ · 28/07/2022 12:47

Sorry, as a regular thing!

justsaythanks · 28/07/2022 12:47

You're clearly a great mum as you've brought her up to be kind and caring. Rest up. Migraines are hideous.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 28/07/2022 12:48

This is a very odd thing to feel guilty about. Say thank you to your lovely DD, then go to bed!

Keroppi · 28/07/2022 12:48

No big deal it's what families do, hardly taking advantage of her and using her as free childcare. Go to bed and rest and focus on getting better, order takeaway for later and maybe book/buy teen dd something as a thank you!

SpringHasSprungGrassIsRiz · 28/07/2022 12:50

Get thee to bed!

It sounds like your DD has it in hand. It's not a regular occurrence, which curtails her freedom.

You are in the same house, just in a dark room.

Go and try and relax/snooze.

Marblessolveeverything · 28/07/2022 12:52

It is great to see a positive posting about a teen. Be proud of the woman she is becoming - and proud of you enabling her to be that person.

If I was you I would head to bed for a nap - set an alarm and then if you are up to it cosy up together on sofa. You can sort her out with a thank you treat at another time.

Hope you feel better soon.

Mally100 · 28/07/2022 12:52

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 28/07/2022 12:48

This is a very odd thing to feel guilty about. Say thank you to your lovely DD, then go to bed!

You sound like a bit of martyr op. She's 16 not 12. She's happy to do it, so what's the problem?

RedHelenB · 28/07/2022 12:54

Go to bed and stop being a martyr. She can call you if there's a problem. Yabu.

NerrSnerr · 28/07/2022 12:54

Go to bed. I'd give her a bit of extra money or something the next time she goes out as a thank you.

BeanieTeen · 28/07/2022 12:57

She’s 16 and she wants to do it.
I don’t understand what the issue is at all.

ditalini · 28/07/2022 12:57

Of course you're not unreasonable! I pay my teen for regular childcare (just some after school supervision and dc2 is old enough to more or less get on with things so the supervision is mostly making a snack and being present), but he would always just chip in if it was something like me being ill.

NuffSaidSam · 28/07/2022 12:57

It's completely fine.

Good for DD to get a bit of childcare experience in, babysitting/holiday childcare is a great way for teens/students to earn a bit of money.

You can treat her to something once you feel better if you want to thank her.

Well done for raising a great kid.

Stop being a martyr and go to bed.

comealongponds · 28/07/2022 12:59

Of course you’re not a shit mum! You’ve raised a 16 year old who has compassion snd responsibility. Let her help you!

Footbal · 28/07/2022 13:00

Get of the cross we need the wood. Martyr,martyr,martyr. Your DD is 16 for heavens sake.

Original poster
migrainepain22 · 28/07/2022 13:01

Thanks everyone.
I suppose I just feel like the little one should be my responsibility alone, I never wanted my eldest to feel lumbered with childcare if that makes sense. But she has offered like you say and she seems happy enough. I will definitely arrange a nice treat as a thank you for her.

OP posts:
w0rkschmurk · 28/07/2022 13:03

She sounds like a caring and responsible young woman. She's at an age where she should be helping to decrease her parents' workload.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/07/2022 13:03

Go to bed! Have an actual sleep to help you feel better later. That’s the way to be a good Mum.

Your 16 sounds a lovely person. You should take her up on her offer. You’re a good Mum to have raised such a nice teen!

darisdet · 28/07/2022 13:06

No, of course not! No need to feel guilty at all.

Mally100 · 28/07/2022 13:18

migrainepain22 · 28/07/2022 13:01

Thanks everyone.
I suppose I just feel like the little one should be my responsibility alone, I never wanted my eldest to feel lumbered with childcare if that makes sense. But she has offered like you say and she seems happy enough. I will definitely arrange a nice treat as a thank you for her.

It's not childcare Confused. It's pitching in as part of the family.

Goldbar · 28/07/2022 13:19

Check the front door is properly latched and go to bed!

Your DD has it covered and I'm sure she's responsible enough to wake you if there's an emergency.

DarkShade · 28/07/2022 13:19

She sounds lovely. Go to bed! You can pay her back in childcare in 15 years time.

Sanfranciscobabe · 28/07/2022 13:19

No, not at all.

what are you taking for your migraines though?