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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give the eldest the bigger room by default

42 replies

dooneby · 27/07/2022 22:07

We're moving house and my husband and I have just been discussing which son should get the bigger room. They are 9 and 6. Our eldest has had the biggest room (huge!) up until now while our youngest has had a Harry Potter sized room.

In an ideal world we'd want to stay in the house for 5 years at an absolute maximum meaning they would be 14 and 11 when we leave. This makes me think the eldest should have the biggest room as he's likely to be spending more time in there and doing homework etc, and have his friends in his room when they come round.

But then I thought our eldest could have a raised bed with a desk/comfy chair underneath. But is he going to want a raised bed at that age??

Whoever gets the smaller room will need a sweetener - any suggestions??

YABU - the youngest should get the room
YANBU - the eldest should get the room

Reasons why would be good too so I can repeat it over and over until the "loser" gets over it.

OP posts:

Plutoisaplanet · 27/07/2022 22:09

Some parents do a year at a time in the bigger room. Could that work for your family?

Blinkingheckythump · 27/07/2022 22:12

Plutoisaplanet · 27/07/2022 22:09

Some parents do a year at a time in the bigger room. Could that work for your family?

What new hell is that!? Whose got the time and effort for that shite?,

@dooneby just flip a coin for it in front of them

Hellocatshome · 27/07/2022 22:12

In the new house is the size difference of the rooms as big as in your current house. Would they prefer to share and has the smaller room as a den/computer room?

minisoksmakehardwork · 27/07/2022 22:14

My parents did eldest had biggest room. Ours had to share for a long time as we were in a 2 bed. We went with who has the bigger toys when we moved into a 3 double bedroom house. Which meant the boys had the bigger room due to a train table.

But, at Xmas, we swapped them as the girls were fighting more and needed more room for their things.

As they're both boys, could you have a sleeping space and a recreational space? They're not hugely far apart in ages and if that ends up not working out later down the line, you can switch to separate bedrooms. Just get bunk beds that can be easily separated.

MolliciousIntent · 27/07/2022 22:15

Make them rock paper scissors for it.

RandomMess · 27/07/2022 22:18

I would assume the youngest has the most big chunky toys and the older one is having smaller devices etc these days.

I would do 2-3 years with the youngest in the large room and then swap.

Original poster

dooneby · 27/07/2022 22:18

They can't share a room for medical reasons, plus they'd kill each other!

I never thought about how difficult this would be, I don't know what's the right thing to do. I'm not sure about tossing a coin/rock paper scissors. Whoever lost would probably whinge over how unlucky they were for the rest of our time their. I think it would be better if we made the decision then it's not put on them.

OP posts:

Sprogonthetyne · 27/07/2022 22:19

Smallest room has two beds and cloths storage. Big room is a play room / gaming room / den (name appropriate to age).

Ginger1982 · 27/07/2022 22:20

What size is your room? Could one of them have that one?

Tayegete · 27/07/2022 22:25

Eldest always gets the biggest room it’s just the rule. DH and I were both the youngest but we still applied this to our kids. A 14 year old will want to be in their room all the time.

mooneagle · 27/07/2022 22:28

Make them decide between them! Whoever get the biggest room gets just that …while whoever gets the smaller room will also get a sweetener that they both want such as (Games console/bike /£200) delete as appropriate!

PuttingDownRoots · 27/07/2022 22:30

My elder DD likes her small room. She has a loft bed then her disk, bookcase etc underneath. Its cosy and suits her.

Her sister has to vacate her larger bedroom for guests so there's swings and roundabouts

aSofaNearYou · 27/07/2022 22:33

I think I'd be tempted to give it the youngest if their previous bedroom was genuinely tiny.

TheTeenageYears · 27/07/2022 22:33

The 9 year old will grow out of a loft bed way before 14 but the right one could work for the 6 year old. Something they could grow into as they get a bit older but good for now might make the smaller room more appealing.

ettastic · 27/07/2022 22:36

I have a son who is younger than my stepson (4 years). My son has always had the smaller room as he is younger but now at 10 and 14 ( and a house move) my son has the bigger room. The 14 year old sits at a desk on his PC or is in bed. The 10 year old has light sabre fights with his reflection or boxes ghosts. No brainer for us. We are lucky in that now they both have nice sized rooms.. Son was in a box room before and step son had a double bed.

orangeisthenewpuce · 27/07/2022 22:45

Eldest gets the biggest room. Thems the rules.

TinaYouFatLard · 27/07/2022 22:48

Eldest always has the choice.

minisoksmakehardwork · 27/07/2022 22:49

Do the medical reasons make choosing easier? Does one have equipment that needs space?

In an ideal world, all my kids would have their own rooms. 4 kids, 2 girls, 2 boys. 1 boy and 1 girl each have adhd/ASC so sharing a room is a trial we all have to negotiate.

Stichintime · 27/07/2022 22:51

Eldest. Each time a kid moves out the next eldest gets the room. When they all eventually leave you get the best room for the lodger.

Boating123 · 27/07/2022 22:56

I don't see why the youngest gets the duff option just because he's the youngest (I'm the youngest of four). I know it's a common way of thinking but I don't get it.

Ideally let them decide between themselves or toss a coin? Is yhe little room better for

Boating123 · 27/07/2022 22:57

Posted too soon..
It should add...
Any reason?

Athenajm80 · 27/07/2022 22:58

I'd say it's the youngest son's turn if the oldest has had the biggest room till now, or at least the youngest gets first choice.

When my sister and I had to move in with dad, step mum and step brother, she got the second biggest (although in a shitty new build none were particularly big). I had the smallest room, with another step brother's stuff in (SB2), plus some of my step sister's stuff, and even my step-mum's bloody sewing machine. When SB2 came to stay, I had to bunk in with my sister. Looking back, no wonder I felt unwanted 😂 Anyway, when we moved to a much bigger house, I got first dibs on a room which everyone agreed was fair.

Admittedly I am the youngest out of my sister and I, and the second youngest out of all the steps and halves, so maybe I'm biased 😁

Thatsenoughnow · 27/07/2022 22:59

Why should the eldest get the biggest room by default? They probably have less big stuff.

Lomex · 27/07/2022 23:04

I was the youngest and I still agree with eldest gets the biggest room. We just told our youngest that the perk of being the little one is that as soon as the oldest leaves home, he can claim the room as his games room.

YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters · 27/07/2022 23:05

I gave the eldest the biggest room (way bigger) when we moved, and I really wish I hadn’t. Ideally I’d have said 2 or 3 years then swap, and start with the youngest in there. The youngest was 9 when we moved and he still (at 11) plays with lego etc.

On the other hand DS1 has a double be and if we have guests he has to vacate his room.

I wouldn’t make a decision on the basis of moving in 5 years time as life rarely goes to plan.

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