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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give the eldest the bigger room by default

42 replies

dooneby · 27/07/2022 22:07

We're moving house and my husband and I have just been discussing which son should get the bigger room. They are 9 and 6. Our eldest has had the biggest room (huge!) up until now while our youngest has had a Harry Potter sized room.

In an ideal world we'd want to stay in the house for 5 years at an absolute maximum meaning they would be 14 and 11 when we leave. This makes me think the eldest should have the biggest room as he's likely to be spending more time in there and doing homework etc, and have his friends in his room when they come round.

But then I thought our eldest could have a raised bed with a desk/comfy chair underneath. But is he going to want a raised bed at that age??

Whoever gets the smaller room will need a sweetener - any suggestions??

YABU - the youngest should get the room
YANBU - the eldest should get the room

Reasons why would be good too so I can repeat it over and over until the "loser" gets over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
dooneby · 27/07/2022 23:06

I'm loving some of these replies😆

No, they can't have our room as I need it for a desk as I work from home. We're downsizing from a private rent to our first bought home and are having to sacrifice on space massively.

I'm veering towards the younger one having the smaller one (bigger than the one he's in now!) and having a loft bed and making the room look amazing. They're only in their rooms to sleep just now as they have a big room down the stairs with all the gaming stuff/games/toys. They'll definitely be in their rooms more now as I'm not having all that in the tiny living room!

OP posts:
TheGoogleMum · 27/07/2022 23:07

I had a bigger room than my older sister! She just picked the smaller one when she was little. I enjoyed toys more and for much longer so having extra space worked for me! Both of us fitted desks in our rooms when we were older though.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/07/2022 23:09

I’d always been of the mind that the eldest has the biggest room, and the youngest gets it when they move out.

However, in real life my youngest now has a bigger room than my oldest because he was in a tiny room before we converted the loft, and then he moved to the formerly biggest room and I went up to the loft. Eldest was happy to stay in her existing (quite big anyway) room which she had the way she likes it - didn’t want to move in fact.

So it depends!

Best thing is to try buy a house where the disparity in the children’s rooms sizes isn’t that significant, but that’s easier said that done!

BoredOfGrey22 · 27/07/2022 23:11

Eldest gets the biggest. And I say this as the youngest sibling.

Notlostjustexploring · 27/07/2022 23:14

There is no real fair way to do it. That being said, I'd vote for eldest in the bigger room, but that's because I'm the eldest and my younger (by only 2 years) sister got the bigger room as she had more toys and still played with them. But that was only the case for a couple of years, but she got to keep the bigger room as by then it was "her" room and moving rooms would have been unfair on her and i didnt feel able to make a fuss. So I still have a chip on my shoulder about this despite now being middle aged and genuinely think my parents were unfair.

FergieFergus · 27/07/2022 23:18

I would give the eldest the choice...don't assume he would choose the bigger room.

We let our oldest choose at age 13 - we have 2 equally large doubles, one small double and one large single.

Much to our shock he chose the smallest room. He said he preferred the view and that a small room would be easier to keep clean. We checked with him several times and he was adamant.

A year later and he is perfectly happy in his little room and has no jealousy at all that his siblings have far bigger rooms than him.

gnilliwdog · 27/07/2022 23:32

That idea of biggest room to eldest is really unfair and a good way to set siblings against each other. Why should the wishes of the eldest come first? Hopefully a move will sort it out but in the meantime you should offer the option of them swapping over at some point. Youngest child here who permanently had the box room since I ended up moving out before my sib, who had the double all through our childhood - because they were the eldest!

SuziLikeSuziQ · 27/07/2022 23:34

As a younger signing who spent about 7 years in a box room that was so small I couldn't even have a door as it wouldn't open because the bed would foul it (I had a curtain instead), while my brother got a room so big he fit a dining table in it...It was not fun having to keep my toys out on the landing and had I not had the chance to move into a larger room when we built an extension, I'd have been calling for a swap.

Your eldest has had a turn, now the youngest needs a turn, is my feeling. I don't see why a younger child, who has possibly had plenty of hand-me-downs and rarely gets to be first to do things, should have a smaller room, just by virtue of being born second.

parietal · 27/07/2022 23:44

eldest gets to pick, but spend some time telling him how great a smaller room is - more privacy and offer all his own decor. A high bed with beanbags under could be great.

Thatboymum · 27/07/2022 23:47

I do the opposite eldest have the smaller rooms and youngest has bigger as he congregates more shit and toys so needs more space to store and play as we are a no toys in the living room house.

caringcarer · 28/07/2022 00:06

If the youngest has already been made to have tiny bedroom my view would be that he should now be given larger room.

elbo7 · 28/07/2022 21:01

My big brother had the largest room in our first house, I then had it when we moved house (aged about 6&8 I think?)
I had it for 10 years or so, then swapped with my new much younger brother at age 18 (he was 7). I think it worked very well in my favour!

DH shared with his big brother and they had a room that was for sleeping and a small box room for toys/desk. DH then wanted his own room around age 12 and because it was his choice he got the smaller room and was very happy with it. His older brother then got the old bigger room by default.

crummyusername · 28/07/2022 21:05

My youngest has the larger room. It was kind of by accident but now im glad - I think the youngest child feels like they lose out in many ways, so this is a little way of redressing the balance.

FanGurlll · 28/07/2022 21:16

Hmmm, bit different as I have a boy and a girl. We decided youngest, girl, should get the bigger room as she would benefit more from the en-suite bathroom. Boy child had previously had the biggest bedroom for years, didn't really seem fair just because of age!

birdling · 29/07/2022 08:41

We go on the basis that whoever needs the most floor space gets the biggest room. So, for example, my eldest never plays in his room (or anywhere for that matter) and the only things he uses are hand held. He needs very little floor space. My youngest loves to play with toys that require lots of space, eg dolls house, train set and happily plays in her room, so she needs more space and gets the bigger room. We have swapped things around several times over the years as needs change. Both are perfectly happy with their rooms.

HairyScaryMonster · 30/07/2022 21:13

My 5yo had a mid sleeper (ceiling too low for high sleeper), we put a rug under and fairy lights, cushions etc and it really added another dimension to her room.

Meatshake · 30/07/2022 21:46

Bunk beds in the little room then sofa, desks, toys in the big room

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