Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-law's

39 replies

XxLondonxX · 27/07/2022 17:33

My in-laws are very intense and can be vary overbaring. 3 years ago me and my husband moved 3.5hrs away to try and get a bit of independence from them. Life has been great and we get on much better with them usually seeing them every other month for a full weekend. Last week they announced that they are house hunting in our area and want to live as close to us and their grand child as possible. How do I make this stop?!

OP posts:
Moltenpink · 27/07/2022 17:34

Tell them you might be moving? Be vague! Might put them off.

PuffinMcStuffin · 27/07/2022 17:35

You are going to have to tell them.

Or let them buy and then immediately move?

Blossomtoes · 27/07/2022 17:36

You can’t. They have as much right to move as you do.

ComDummings · 27/07/2022 17:38

Drop hints that you’ll be moving to near them soon. “We are looking round the corner from you” “oh that’s a shame PILs, we will miss you when we leave here”

GreenManalishi · 27/07/2022 17:38

Oh god. Next time you see them drop lots of heavy hints about looking into emigrating to Australia or Canada, that should slow their their roll.

Ilovechinese · 27/07/2022 17:41

Tell them the truth that you moved to get away from them.

SarahProblem · 27/07/2022 17:43

You get your DH to tell them not to.

MadameMaxGoesler · 27/07/2022 17:51

Offer to sell them your house.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/07/2022 17:55

Say “I really think we get on better with a bit of space”

Or get your h to.

RandomMess · 27/07/2022 17:56

Any chance emigration could be an option if so tell them it's on the cards in a few years or even just relocating with work and it will be every few years.

Laiste · 27/07/2022 18:11

Oh my god! I feel the panic rising in me just reading that.

Start dropping hints about wanting to move. Invent a reason. Start asap. to put the brakes on.

Then keep an eye on what gets said over the next few months.

Fluffycloudland77 · 27/07/2022 18:11

Move to Australia. I’m not even joking.

Holly60 · 27/07/2022 18:14

In what ways are they intense and overbearing?

NrlySp · 27/07/2022 18:16

Are you my sister in law?

CKilla · 27/07/2022 18:33

I find that in these situations a “to be clear is to be kind” strategy works best. So I would have my husband explain to his parents that they are free to live wherever they want but you guys are a busy family unit with various obligations and social and work plans. Therefore, you won’t be seeing them anymore than you do right now and they should not move if they plan on you guys being their social life. Setting this expectation BEFORE they put in an offer or move will be a lifesaver.

MintJulia · 27/07/2022 18:56

MadameMaxGoesler · 27/07/2022 17:51

Offer to sell them your house.

Brilliant 😁

Laiste · 27/07/2022 18:58

All perfectly reasonable @CKilla and you'd want to believe this would sort it. But i easily envisage them saying ''Of course - you'll hardly know we're there! We won't tread on toes ect ect '' and then them acting the complete opposite when they get there and everything coming to pass exactly as feared.

Pavlovascat · 27/07/2022 19:04

You have to stop it. No advice on how, but it won’t end well.

We had the same thing but the other way round. We lived 3 hours away from my PIL. I knew they had a tendency to be overbearing from how they treated SIL. But we only saw them for a weekend every two months, they stayed in a hotel in town (we were in a house too small for people to stay), so it was OK.

Almost 3 years ago now, we had to move across the country to their home town for a variety of shit reasons that were out of our control.

Christ. I had no idea how bad they could act.

Dh relationship with them is now wrecked.

Cherrysoup · 27/07/2022 19:27

Your Dh needs to tell them why you moved. Seriously.

Don’t emigrate to Australia, my sister did that and my parents went to stay for 2 months at a time, twice a year until my df died. There were some….unfortunate incidents.

IfIGoThereWillBeTrouble · 27/07/2022 20:02

Tell them you’ve heard The Falklands are very pretty

billy1966 · 27/07/2022 20:13

Your husband has to tell them no.

Clealy they are lining you up to be their care.

Better a big falling out from where they are now, than on your door step.

If your husband won't say anything, then you have an idea of how things will be......start job hunting yourself.

JennyForeigner · 27/07/2022 20:24

CKilla · 27/07/2022 18:33

I find that in these situations a “to be clear is to be kind” strategy works best. So I would have my husband explain to his parents that they are free to live wherever they want but you guys are a busy family unit with various obligations and social and work plans. Therefore, you won’t be seeing them anymore than you do right now and they should not move if they plan on you guys being their social life. Setting this expectation BEFORE they put in an offer or move will be a lifesaver.

This would be the adult approach.

We used to get a lot of talk about us moving closer. I've spent five years talking wistfully about my love of the south coast and how if we were going to the trouble of moving anyway...

Original poster
XxLondonxX · 27/07/2022 22:29

We actually have always wanted to move abroad but the thing that is stopping us is knowing that they would come to stay with us for weeks on end 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
XxLondonxX · 27/07/2022 22:31

Am I?!?!

OP posts:
Original poster
XxLondonxX · 27/07/2022 22:34

When we lived close to them they called around ALL THE TIME often without warning. They will expect to do the same when they live here. Maybe even more so as they won't have other family/friends to distract them.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread