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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset

70 replies

Marmite17 · 27/07/2022 16:32

Friend has always offered a bed if I want a drink when meeting up. Known her for over 40 years. Rarely take her up on offer, last stayed there in December. Regular meetings on Friday evenings and she wants me to be there to dilute other friend, if she's the only one there, who she criticises behind her back. Sometimes other people there. She knows my opinions re alcohol. I can be a binge drinker, know that I need to watch it and have days off. Problem when on holiday together, twice, as she can be difficult to get on when drunk, hates not having a drinking partner and needs looking after. She averaged 2 bottles of wine a day, starting at lunch time. And is never sober in the evening at home. Said that I cannot afford to go again. Partially true. She is far better off than me.
I would like the option of drinking on Friday nights occasionally. Cannot afford taxis and often ferry her drinking guests around now. She is looking at offering rooms on Air B and B and no longer let's local people stay. Feel very down moted and like a free taxi tbh. Don't know her main drinking, criticised, partner well but thinking a plan re taxis could be a good idea. I've saved her a fortune. I'm usually the only sober driver and feeling like a taxi service. Also wonder what friend says about me behind my back.

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 27/07/2022 16:34

I'm a bit confused as to what your AIBU is. Do you mean you're unhappy that your friend will no longer accommodate you but still expects you to drive her and her friends around? If so, I think there needs to be give and take, so YANBU.

Meraas · 27/07/2022 16:37

Stop being her taxi service! It’s bad enough she uses you as a taxi, let alone offering you up to her friends,

If you really want to see her, could you take a taxi to hers or a bus?

And don’t go on holiday with her. I can’t think of anything worse than spending precious holiday time with someone who has 2 bottles of wine every night.

Original poster
Marmite17 · 27/07/2022 16:38

She always let anyone stay. But apart from her main drinking partner, who she doesn't see to like much, apart from family, most people didn't.

OP posts:
Greydogs123 · 27/07/2022 16:39

Quid pro quo - if she isn’t prepared to offer a bed on a late night then you don’t have to be taxi.

Original poster
Marmite17 · 27/07/2022 16:39

Main drinking partner stayed every Friday night.

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 27/07/2022 16:40

What's the AIBU

Meraas · 27/07/2022 16:47

DrManhattan · 27/07/2022 16:40

What's the AIBU

It’s in the title

Yerroblemom1923 · 27/07/2022 16:49

You're being unreasonable because your post makes zero sense! Your mate drinks wine, you're a binge drinker, something about lifts and a holiday and an air bnb and WHAT??!!!

Schooldil3ma · 27/07/2022 16:52

OP I've no idea what you're asking 😂

Original poster
Marmite17 · 27/07/2022 16:52

She is lovely when sober. Think she is trying to stop regular guest on Friday nights. But there was an open invitation re staying for me, which was generous. Rarely took her up it.

OP posts:
Meraas · 27/07/2022 16:52

@Yerroblemom1923 think it’s just you, all of us understood.

Yerroblemom1923 · 27/07/2022 16:54

So is the question about who's the driver home.....? Or just stay at hers if not safe to drive.

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/07/2022 16:54

So you're annoyed that she is using her spare room as an air b and b to stop you having a place to stay on a Friday after drinking? You are unreasonable if that's the case

Stop being a free taxi to others if you don't want to be and stop going out every Friday with her if you don't want to (was that what you were asking in the rest of the post?)

Original poster
Marmite17 · 27/07/2022 16:54

The AIBU is in the title. Not a black and white situation

OP posts:
Sally872 · 27/07/2022 16:55

Sounds like you don't often take the offer of a bed but still want the option?

Drive when if suits you, drink when it suits you making alternatice arrangements to get home. Invite friend to come out more local to you if it helps?

ladydimitrescu · 27/07/2022 16:57

You don't want to drink every Friday anyway, so why does it matter if you can't crash at hers anymore??

Original poster
Marmite17 · 27/07/2022 17:01

She offers beds to other friends. Suites her to have pain in the arse no alcohol days friends. Genuinely not sure if she actually likes me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marmite17 · 27/07/2022 17:08

She wants a drinking partner on holiday but one of us needs to be sober. Been on several holidays alone and never have let myself get into a state where I'm no longer able to look after myself. Ie know how to get back to hotel.

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 27/07/2022 17:09

So, your friend used to offer you a bed for the night so you could drink on nights out, but you rarely took her up on it, but now she can't offer you a bed for the night because she now rents out the room as an Airbnb? Is that what you're upset about?

If so, that's a weird thing to be 'upset' about. You can't possibly be expecting her to keep her spare room empty just on the off-chance that you might want to stay there after a night out? And presumably on the occasions where you've given people lifts, that was simply because you were already going to be the only one not drinking, so what's the problem?

I don't understand what her holiday drinking has to do with anything. Basically, you're judging her for drinking heavily while also expecting her to keep her spare room free for you so you can also drink heavily, despite previously saying that you have to be careful around alcohol.

Basically, you're rambling about nothing and yes, YABU.

Original poster
Marmite17 · 27/07/2022 17:12

ladydimitrescu · 27/07/2022 16:57

You don't want to drink every Friday anyway, so why does it matter if you can't crash at hers anymore??

I'd like the option. Plus only person able to drive, hence lifts. Twice in one night recently. One at 9.30 pm. Another much later
.

OP posts:
NoddyMcdoddy · 27/07/2022 17:17

I don’t get the AIBU either. You haven’t taken her up on her offer of a room since last December and are now upset that she is going to rent the room out on Airbnb ?

tobedtoMN · 27/07/2022 17:17

It's really hard to decipher exactly what you're saying. Can you not use full sentences, as this would help?

Frankly the whole situation sounds toxic to you and I would advise you to avoid like the plague.

She's going out with people she doesn't like just so she has a drinking companion??

Booze plays a large role in this drama doesn't it.

MajorCarolDanvers · 27/07/2022 17:21

You can't expect her to not rent out her room in case you might want to use it occasionally after binge drinking.

Btw you both sound like you have drinking problems and she is an alcoholic.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 27/07/2022 17:22

YABU with the room. You'd 'like the option' but didn't often take her up on it. Why should she have to keep a room free rather than let it out on Air Bnb?

YANBU with the driving but that's your choice to do it. Say no you can't just like she has with the room.

oldelpaso · 27/07/2022 17:27

i honestly can’t decipher what the issue is. Could you try rewriting it with full sentences?