Blending families

[Spursgirl1986]

Hi I hope to gain some insight please to see if I am being unreasonable . Last July my partner moved in , I have children from a different relationship and so does he . My mum and dad also love with me (have a large house ) . I knew this man for a long time and honestly feel like he’s the love of my laugh . The first 8 months he didn’t contribute to rent or anything as he had to buy he’s ex out of he’s house that he now rents out so I believed I was helping and then afterwards it would benefit us both . I work and have a good business and pay all my bills and school fees . He now contributes 350 a month to the rent but nothing else . I don’t expect him to pay for my children but he earns great money and if it’s our house I’m not sure why I should be paying everything ? He doesn’t discipline he’s children and they are here 4 times a week now and again he will get shopping . I assumed that he would take on a roll of stepdad but there is none of that . It feels very much like it’s him and he’s children and me and mine . There’s so much more to put on here but don’t want to drag on . Thank you if you have read this far .

It's really not. Yes, there are lots of shitty parents who put themselves before their kids, but there are plenty of those on MN and plenty of good parents out in the world who would never.

You might be quick to blend. But you never stopped to find out if the kids ever wanted to blend, you tried to force them, and when you came out of your sex haze you remembered the children were people too and finally noticed they weren't very happy with you and your choices.
Yeah, that happens a lot, you're right. Doesn't make it ok though.

I agree, @SuperPets

Nobody ever seems to ask the children if they want to “blend” their family with another one. My gut feeling is that children are very possessive of their parents - understandably, when one parent has already left the family home - and do NOT want to share their home or their one remaining parent. I think they are very scared of losing that one remaining parent and having nobody left to look after them and love them - however much the remaining parent reassures them that this won’t be the case.

Your children shouldn’t be entangled in your love life. It can get very messy. Put them first.

My partner and I won't be blending until his DS is off to university.

As much as our kids get on it isn't fair.

I think you were too hasty.

He also sounds like an entitled asshole.

I don't feel DC have a choice.
At times it can work out but then "new baby" arrives for the happy couple adding another avenue for family.

Do yourself a huge favour and ask him to go.
Don't think about getting pregnant for this man for a second.
He is taking your kindness for a complete ride.
I'd bet his ex was delighted to get shot of him.