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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry at DP regarding DSS & newborn

26 replies

telpy · 26/07/2022 17:33

DSS has come to ours for a couple of days, his mum has just had covid, was positive the day before so i was hesitant about DSS coming so soon as we have a newborn but he tested negative so i said its fine.

However, I said i don't want him holding baby for a couple days to be safe incase he tests positive as a delayed reaction or something.

DSS is a teen anyway and not that bothered about the baby so i figured it would be fine.

Turns out DP didn't tell DSS about that rule as didn't want to upset him even though i gave him a foolproof way of telling DSS so that it would not come across that way.

Baby was in the care of DP for a couple of hours, he went to the toilet, came back and DSS was holding baby.

To be honest maybe it's nothing, maybe the negative test was enough, maybe im being precious who knows. But im furious and hurt that DP didnt tell him and went against what we agreed.

It's our baby who is at risk, his health comes before hurt feelings. DSS has seen the baby loads it's not as if it was the first visit.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Thatsenoughnow · 26/07/2022 17:35

If dss is in the house he's got a good chance of passing it to the baby whether he held him or not. I think you're overreacting.

exnewwifeproblems · 26/07/2022 17:35

You are a bit. Sorry. If he's negative he's negative. You or your partner might be incubating covid too.

Darbs76 · 26/07/2022 17:36

Sorry I think you’re over reacting too. It’s airbourne and he’s negative anyway at the moment

bg21 · 26/07/2022 17:36

😳

HeckyPeck · 26/07/2022 17:37

YANBU at all. Why does your DP think DSSs feelings are more important than the baby's health?

As a teenager, surely there wouldn't be any hurt feelings on being told COVID is potentially very dangerous for newborns so don't hold him for a couple of days to be safe?

Coffeaddict · 26/07/2022 17:37

I'm sorry but think you are being a bit unreasonable here. If he has covid just being in the general vicinity of him breathing same air, touching door handles, cupboard handles ect will mean you may contract it. The specific rule of holding baby seems pointless

PicturesOfDogs · 26/07/2022 17:38

I think you’re being harsh.
its nice that he wants to hold and be involved with his baby sibling, regardless if he’s already seen them or his 1st of 100th visit.
don’t say anything now because he didn’t know, and what’s done is done. Anything you say now is going to make him feel awkward.
Being in the same house was enough without even holding baby, it’s everywhere

Simonjt · 26/07/2022 17:41

Covid isn’t passed on by physical contact, its airborne, so a no holding rule is silly as it won’t have any impact on the likelihood of catching covid. If you had been around someone positive, but you yourself tested negative, how many days would you go without holding your baby?

Young children including babies are often symptonless with covid, we had our second dose fairly recently, our baby tested positive and had no symptoms at all.

Badgirlriri · 26/07/2022 17:44

I think you’re overreacting. Babies are low risk for covid anyway

Merryoldgoat · 26/07/2022 17:47

YABU because if they’re in the same house the touching is irrelevant.

Afterfire · 26/07/2022 17:48

So I take it you and your dh are isolating at home? Not going out anywhere? Not going to work…? Because that’s the only way you can guarantee none of you will pass it on or get it. It’s pointless worrying about all this stuff now. (I say that as someone who is clinically extremely vulnerable).

EllenWaiteourkid · 26/07/2022 17:51

YABVU

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/07/2022 17:52

Weeeellll I can see why you feel that way, but it’s probably fine tbh

Hiddenvoice · 26/07/2022 17:57

Sadly my in laws visited with covid when my dd was less than 2 weeks old. They had done lateral flows but the positive was so faint that they hadn’t seen it.
we then both caught covid and we’re sure my dd had it too as she was not herself. We were told to were masks when holding our baby, make sure she was feeding and having plenty of wet and dirty nappies.
We had avoided it for all this time and i panicked so much about my dd becoming unwell that I didn’t really care for myself. We isolated from everyone else so had to carry on looking after our little one but thankfully we were all okay and she was perfectly fine!
im sure your little one will be okay!
I completely understand why you are upset and nervous as I would still be the same if someone was around my dd with covid.

MaxOverTheMoon · 26/07/2022 18:00

I think you're actually pissed off he still had dss and didn't think protecting his newborn was more important than one visit. That's why you're so upset and cross about holding him when him just being in the house will be the issue if he tests positive.

JePréfèreLesChiens · 26/07/2022 18:02

So you would let him be in the house, in the room, sit next to you on the sofa when you’re holding the baby, but he can’t hold the baby? It makes no sense, if he’s in the house and presumably the same room. Unless you’re banishing him to his bedroom.

SpindleInTheWind · 26/07/2022 18:05

Did you secure your DP's agreement to the 'not holding the baby' idea? Did he definitely agree to your request?

Friendship101 · 26/07/2022 18:08

YABU sorry

SeemsSoUnfair · 26/07/2022 18:14

I don't think you are being unreasonable taking extra precautions for a couple of days just incase, especially when it is really no big deal to do so.

Were you not there when dss arrived so you could explain yourself?

berrieslovely · 26/07/2022 18:14

You know covid is airborne right?

CucumberCool · 26/07/2022 18:21

I completely get what you're worried about. My little is 5 mo now but when she was first born I had extended fam over who all tested negative day before.
One person felt ill on the way home and had COVID pos the day after visit.

We all caught it too. Little was only 9 days old and was absolutely fine.

It may happen but take comfort in you babe catching it early and being covered by your antibodies!

ThirtyThreeTrees · 26/07/2022 18:22

Totally overreacting and false logic.

It's airborne and if he says it, all of you in the house may or may not get it.

Ontomatopea · 26/07/2022 18:23

I completely understand where you are coming from and if that's what you agree that's what you agreed. However, I think if DSS has been in the same room as the newborn for any length of time I think if he had it the newborn will get it.

But your DP should have stuck with what you agreed. He's a dick there.

LocalHobo · 26/07/2022 18:30

DP sounds thoughtful towards his DS. I'm pleased your DSS cares about his new half-sibling, maybe more than you realised?
I personally think you are being a little unreasonable but we've all been a bit precious with a newborn.

CallOnMe · 26/07/2022 18:32

YABU if anyone was positive then fair enough but as a PP said DSS is just as likely to have it but be asymptomatic as you and your DP.

Are you and DP testing regularly?

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