Kids staying in separate hotel room to adults

[Daisiesunderblueskies]

Hi,

Myself and ex are separated, he is taking them away for the first time with his partner-very stressful for me as the first time I have been away from them. It's for three nights.

The adults are staying in a separate hotel room to the children aged 4 and 8. I feel sick at the prospect of them being completely unsupervised all night. I am questioning whether to let them go. AIBU?

The fact that he’s avoiding giving an answer is telling. What an absolute moron.

Daisiesunderblueskies
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If he doesn’t confirm arrangements and hotel details including showing you the booking confirmation I’d not let them go.

Once I had info on the hotel I’d call them and tell them his plan. There is no way they’d allow that.

What a prick.

Also get it all in writing on text for when you inevitably end up in court.

I'm just so angry that he is making it so difficult. I was so anxious about letting them go because they've never been away from me overnight but I know how important it is to have that Daddy/kid relationship and so I have had really happy excited conversations with the kids but I won't allow them to be in a dangerous situation.
Still no response but that's nothing unusual. Absolutely pathetic controlling behaviour withholding information about plans relating to the kids.

He will lie to the receptionist about the sleeping arrangements.

I was a laid-back parent but even I think that this arrangement is neglectful and dangerous. When I saw your thread title, I thought they were going to be borderline ages, maybe 13 and 10 (and even then I’d expect 50:50 yabu/yanbu). But the younger is 4 in this case. 4!!

I think that your only option is to keep them at home. You can’t trust him not to deceive you. How bad would the fallout be?

How long have you been separated?
And how often do they see him?

The hotel room aside, I think 3 nights is quite a long time for the first time sleeping away from home, even if it is with their dad.

Why does he not have them sleep over his normally?

If they haven't been away from you overnight then 3 nights on holiday is pretty risky. Has ex wanted then overnight? Wouldn't it be sensible for him to have them overnight at his home before taking them away?

Fall out would be bad but if he can demonstrate that he has rebooked an appropriate room (booking reference, I could check with hotel potentially) I would happily let them go. I'll be in touch lots with my daughter via her phone so I'll find out if he has lied about the sleeping arrangements and would travel to them to collect/make the hotel aware if that is the case. Fall out in that case would be horrendous but I'd take any fall out, no matter how bad, rather than something happening to either of the kids...

His housing arrangements aren't currently suitable apparently-shared housing, saving up for a place to rent. Been separated for 18 months roughly, he sees them every other weekend for one weekend day and does some school runs. So he does have regular contact.

I agree that they should have done a trial run in a local hotel even for one night and I suggested this but he told me he would think about this but ultimately the kids would eventually have two homes and so they would have to get used to it.... I never heard any more regarding that suggestion.

All very valid points, all raised with him, all ignored 😢

I can see why he's your ex, must be so hard to coparent with someone you don't trust to keep your kids safe.

My dc are 8 and 10. No way would I let them sleep in a separate room in a hotel. I would speak to your ex and ask him to clarify his plans.

Absolutely not, why are they not in a ‘family’ style room

Would his partner have the kind of sense to know this is not on?
Surely he has to think ..what if the little one wakes up crying?
I have been in hotels where kids are flying up and down in the elevator...what if they decide to do that?
Hopefully your little one has got it wrong.