Kids staying in separate hotel room to adults

[Daisiesunderblueskies]

Hi,

Myself and ex are separated, he is taking them away for the first time with his partner-very stressful for me as the first time I have been away from them. It's for three nights.

The adults are staying in a separate hotel room to the children aged 4 and 8. I feel sick at the prospect of them being completely unsupervised all night. I am questioning whether to let them go. AIBU?

Whaaat?! He’s going to be neglecting her kids and putting them in a seriously unsafe situation! Of course she can bloody interfere. Over my dead body would this happen. I recently did this with my two older teenagers and even then I checked in with them constantly. 4 and 8 is insane he sounds like a fucking idiot who cares more about getting his end away than the safety of his children.

Does your ex have a partner and they are planning to have one adult in each room? I kind of doubt that somehow, but it would be OK.

Otherwise, I think the children are still just a little too young. Especially if the 8 year old will be expected to look after the 4 year old.

The first time we had our eldest two in a separate room to us DD1 was 9 and DD2 was 7. No interconnecting door, but they were OK. DD3 was just 2 at that point so she was in our room.

Is she sure its separate rooms? For example we've stayed in a hotel with a separate room for the kids but we were sleeping in the living room.

The hotel wouldn’t allow it.
and to be fair you’ve got this info from an eight your old, take it with a pinch of salt until you know for sure.

Sorry, I don't know how to directly reply to a comment on here yet!

He asked me over a month ago if he could take them on a weekend away-of course I said yes. I asked what would be happening with room arrangements and he said "X&Y would be sharing a room most probably" and I said "You mean in an apartment, not a separate room by themselves" and he never responded but moved onto other non-related issues.

This is the first I have heard about room arrangements-I very rarely get responses to questions, he ignores me until I see him in person, which is rare. Again, it makes co-parenting difficult and stressful

Whaaat?! He’s going to be neglecting her kids and putting them in a seriously unsafe situation! Of course she can bloody interfere. Over my dead body would this happen. I recently did this with my two older teenagers and even then I checked in with them constantly. 4 and 8 is insane he sounds like a fucking idiot who cares more about getting his end away than the safety of his children.

Thank you, I can assure anyone I can and will interfere if I think my children are at risk

We had two rooms booked last year and they were on different floors. We always planned to go one adult with one child in each anyway but there’s no way you can allow this, even if they’re next door to each other I wouldn’t be happy. Their dad will have to stay in a room with them and his new partner in the other is the only way without cancelling the booking and changing to an Airbnb or similar.

Most hotels won't allow this unless they are interconnected. However, crap parents say they have one adult and one child in each room.

Premier Inns do allow families to sleep in interconnecting rooms with Children sleeping separate to parents. The interconnecting door is never locked when being used as a large family room, but there is a higher charge for this service as opposed to a standard family room sleeping 2 Adults and 2 Children.
The same interconnecting rooms are popular with Wedding Guests and Hen/Stag parties.

I think you need to find out for definite before going in guns blazing. An 8 year old wouldn’t necessarily know that you can get two bedroom hotel rooms so hopefully it’s just a misunderstanding and he has booked something appropriate.
If it’s not then yes absolutely guns blazing!!

Just to add I'd somehow monitor that he doesn't make out to the hotel reception that it's 1 adult and 1 child in each room so he gets the 2 rooms.

I think you need to find out for definite before going in guns blazing. An 8 year old wouldn’t necessarily know that you can get two bedroom hotel rooms so hopefully it’s just a misunderstanding and he has booked something appropriate.
If it’s not then yes absolutely guns blazing!!

Thank you-yes I agree, I have asked the question. His non-response the first time I asked and how this time is making me feel very on edge. My 4 year old also has a speech and language delay, they'd find it hard to communicate with anyone if the worst happened and they got locked out of the room or something terrible. It's not the 8 year old's responsibility to look after their sibling either!

Does he have form for winding you up??

I don’t blame you one bit. Good luck.

It is strange you assumed they wouldn't be in interconnected rooms or even near by each other. I would far more likely assume an 8 year old doesn't have a good grasp of hotel logistics rather than assuming your ex, his girlfriend, and the hotel were all just going to put two kids off in a room on their own somewhere.

Does he have form for winding you up??

Ha, yes but this is the kind of thing he would have suggested when we were together (I mean, it would never have been allowed obviously) so the stupidity is sadly not surprising. I doubt it's a wind up but I can only hope my daughter is mistaken as it's going to be a difficult but necessary conversation otherwise!

No hotel booking site will allow you to book a room for an under 18 without an adult in the room. You can't opt for room 1: 2 adults, room 2: child 1 age 8 & child 2 age 4. The only way to book would be to book 1 adult and 1 child in each room. There's a very slim chance that might be possible for an interconnecting room but hotels don't generally guarantee any room types so would usually require the booking to include an adult with any children.

It is strange you assumed they wouldn't be in interconnected rooms or even near by each other. I would far more likely assume an 8 year old doesn't have a good grasp of hotel logistics rather than assuming your ex, his girlfriend, and the hotel were all just going to put two kids off in a room on their own somewhere.

My assumptions are based on my experience of my ex's poor decision making. My 8 year old has far more sense and I doubt (if it is the case) that the hotel has any idea that these are the planned arrangements.

My children just wouldn't be going. What the actual fuck.

We had a family hotel room last year with one front door into a corridor and then 2 bedrooms 1 bathroom off the corridor, like a small flat. Maybe it’s like that. If not then far too young to be separate rooms

And also, if he thinks this is a good idea or acceptable then I would have serious questions on his judgement to keep the children safe for the holiday.

Ergo, they would not be going. What a pleb.

DH and I did this when the children were a similar age - but with interconnected rooms with the door open.

Absolutely no way would either of us had them alone in a separate room (one time we couldn't book adjoining rooms we split up and one parent slept with one child).

An 8 year old isn't capable of supervision of a 4 year old and frankly I wouldn't leave an 8 year old in their own room.

Our children were both teens before we allowed this .

As pp's have said, clarify with your ex. Tell him want proof of the booking before you'll let them go. Personally I'd want to know the hotel (that's good practice for emergencies anyway).

As for posters saying you can't interfere with his contact time, then that's untrue when there is a safeguarding issue - which this is.

Equally most reputable hotels would not allow children that young to be unsupervised in their rooms - what happens if there is a fire drill for example?

He's a pillock if he thinks this is an appropriate arrangement and I hope that it's simply a case of your DD getting her wires crossed.

She absolutely can! No way is it ok for a 4yo to be in a separate room. Wtf is wrong with people 🙄

At that age it would still be one adult in each room. Ours are 10&12 and want to go together this year. I'm not sure the hotel will allow it, we'll find out. It's the first time I can't really come up with an argument against it (and DH who complained last time that I was babying them and it wasn't a proper holiday). I can't find anything in their T&C's. You can't book a room if you're under 18 but it says nothing about children in a room together.

And yes you absolutely can interfere in his contact time if there’s a safety issue

Absolutely not if the rooms are separate.

Interconnecting rooms would be fine, as long as their exit door was locked.

We still had interconnecting rooms on our most recent holiday pre-covid, and the children were 15 and 12 then.

I think you need to coach your older child with an action plan, just in case the children are left alone in a separate room.