Am I BU to want to include DC in birthday celebrations?

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It’s my birthday this weekend, DH told me MIL has offered to look after the DC so we can go out for a meal but I said I would rather they came too as they’ll want to celebrate with me. DH got grumpy and said that was typical and I’m all mother, no wife. He hasn’t already booked something so I know that I haven’t ruined his plans. AIBU to want to include the DC? What do other people do?

Yanbu. Both dh and I can't imagine celebrating a birthday with the most important people, being each other and our dc. It is your birthday so you get to decide.

I meant celebrating without all of us.

It’s your birthday so it should be completely up to you to decide who you want to celebrate it with.

Can you do both?

Book mil for a different night?

I think your husband has a point. He wants to take you out and spend some time alone with his wife without constant interruptions . There's nothing at all wrong with that.

How often do you and DH have a child free night out?

Its your birthday, your choice is YANBU in that respect, but it’s important to have child free time too!

A bit of both - it sounds like he'd been nice and tried to arrange a DC free evening to take you out and wine and dine you. If you don't want that it's fine, but it's not wrong of him to want to spend time just the two of you!

Can't you do both? We generally have a low key family meal and then do something just as a couple.

Do you often choose to do things as a family rather than as a couple?

I think you are ruining his plans tbh. He’s so obviously arranged for his DM to watch the DC so he can take you out for a special meal.

If you want a big family meal too, then by all means add that in.

I was thinking about doing both but his comment has really annoyed me. It’s not a fair comment and I’m getting so fed up of pandering to his moods that I’m not sure I really want to. I’m extra annoyed at the moment though so may have to take a couple of hours whinging on mn.

We would try to do both. Lunch and birthday cake or a day out with the kids. Dinner & wine with my husband.

sounds like there’s bigger issues at play here than the birthday- how much time do you spend as a couple?

So its not really about your birthday?

Sounds as if he was trying to do something nice. How old are DCs?

You weren’t thinking about doing both when you shot his Childfree dinner plan down in flames. So I think his comment was a fair one imho. Obviously not nice to hear, but warranted.

@Discovereads if I thought for a moment he’d made plans I’d be so happy. He hasn’t done anything, it was probably mil giving him a nudge to do something to mark the occasion that made him even think about it. My DM makes my cake and my DC choose my presents, the only birthday he cares about is his own sadly.

Do you do much just with him?

It's your birthday, you should choose what you want to do. It sounds as though your husband is behaving as though it is his birthday. You are not being unreasonable but I think he is.

What do you mean? He’s made plans. Plans are intent to take you out for a child free dinner and he has secured babysitting. So he did make plans, which you shot down in flames. You were the opposite of happy, you were critical and dismissive.

@Shoxfordian no I probably don’t do that much just with him. That’s as much on him as me though, he spends full weekends doing his hobby and often disappears in the evenings too. I have tried to show an interest and I come along about once a week but it’s not really my thing.

I probably have given up a bit so maybe I should give him a chance on this occasion.

Tbf his comment of “you’re all mother and no wife” is pretty telling. Is this his way of saying he wants more sex?
From your updates, it doesn’t seem like a date night with him is very appealing at the moment.

@Discovereads i really wasn’t dismissive and critical to him. We were having a conversation where he asked but he should say to his DM and I said that I’d like the DC to celebrate too. He was critical and rude, not me. Things I’m saying on here are not things I said to him!

So, when it's HIS birthday they can go for a child-free meal if that's what HE wants. This is HER birthday so she should have whatever celebration SHE wants.

Ok fair enough, I thought you’d said those things to him. Sorry x

It's your birthday, you should be doing what you want.

You can do what he wants on his birthday or any other non birthday days between this birthday and next.

People that try and guilt and make birthdays all about what they want and not what the birthday person wants are imo selfish nobbers.

I misread this and was thinking, “Well, if he’d prefer to go out to dinner as a couple for his birthday then that’s fair enough.” He’s pulling this shit about your birthday!

Not wanting your DC there sounds like an extension of his checking out of family life to me if ’he spends full weekends doing his hobby and often disappears in the evenings too’