To not want to take both kids out

[Greenwizz]

I don’t mean to the local park, feeding the ducks etc, but big days out by myself without DH just seem so hard, please tell me I am not alone, my children are 5 and 2

(My now exh, he wasn’t my ex at the time!)

It is entirely up to you, though with a bit of practise it does get easier! And once you have a few days out where both you and the kids know what generally happens where/when, then it gets even easier.

I had twins first, and travelled all over with them while on maternity leave (trains and car, U.K.), and then carried on travelling when DC3 and DC4 arrived. I do everything I'd do with DH without him if he's not available to come. We have had amazing adventures on our own, and I'll cherish those memories forever.

Ultimately, do what pleases you!

I did the occasional day out at that age, but only to places that were easy to drive to and strapping the 2 year old into the buggy was an option at least some of the time. I also trie to go with a friend and their children.

Mine are 8 5 and 1 and i actually prefer going myself rather than with DH as he is too stressful 🤦🏻‍♀️
Try lots of smaller days and build up to the big ones. Or do you have friends with kids similar ages who could come too?

Well I did it all the time but if you have partner handy then there should be more with all of you. But I think it's odd to not go out just you and the kids occasionally.

YANBU
I started to take kids out together when the youngest was 6 and the eldest 8

That seemed to work well . I don't mean parks or the shops etc . Big trips up to London or to Thorpe Park etc.

I have a 22m/o and a 3.5 year old and I don't do big days out either. If I can't strap them in to the double pushchair or were somewhere where they can run freely without me worrying about losing them or dangerous terrain, then we don't go. I took my DD3 to Peppa Pig world recently whilst my youngest was in nursery as it's not possible to manage two of them on the rides without reducing the rides we can go on to a teeny number!

I'm with you! I do think it will get easier - DD3 is much easier now and the younger children will get there - they're simply just too young atm imo!

Hang on in there! I'm sure they love the ducks and park trips.

Are you able to take them individually at all?

I have a 6.5 and 2.5 and it would depend on the activity. Swimming, no. Farm park, fruit picking, museum, yes.

However I basically trust DS not to mess me around and I don't think I would have done when he was 5.

Yanbu

Mine are 1 & 4.

We do "big" days out together & I stay local with them when on my own. I'll go for walks, park, lunch with them etc (we live in a small town).

I wouldnt like being out numbered far from home as they're both live wires! Atleast when I'm within walking distance from the house I can quickly wander back if needs be.

Absolutely not. I only have one toddler and I still prefer another adult going on outings with us. Much easier!

I have a 4.5 and 1.5 year old and also work 3 days. Our outing on a Friday is to the supermarket and even thats mayhem but i figure they have to learn to behave ( after a long pandemic!) And i have to learn to manage. Other than that its a drive to local playground or woods is all i manage. We are going to try starting to walk but the trouble is the 4.5 year old and the uphill walk home!
Don't feel bad, kids love to be at home! I never feel bad if we don't leave the house and garden. Those are the best days in my opinion.

I think it will get easier soon. My 5 and 3.5 yo are pretty manageable these days, such that I am willingly taking them on holiday this summer and leaving DH at home with the baby.

That said when they were 4 and 2 and the baby was born, I remember DH thinking he had the harder job - he was minding them by himself while I was in hospital having DC3 and he could hardly even visit due to covid. And I only thought he was slightly out of order to think that...!

At that age, at most of aim for things entirely geared at children - parks, playgrounds, libraries, soft play.

As PP have said, time will pass sooner than you think. My DC are now 5 and 8 and DH is happily spending the week taking them to various attractions in London (mostly the free ones like the Science Museum and British Museum). Oldest one is old enough to pop to the bathroom by himself, or mind a table or picnic spot while DH takes the younger one, both old enough to be trusted not to dart into roads, both have his mobile number memorised just in case, etc.

I feel like I could go anywhere with mine now but that’s a pretty recent thing. It will likely come.

Age 2 with the second one was TOUGH (and with the first one too actually.. but less guilt because there wasn’t an older one that needed taking places). Needs a pram but hates the pram, can Houdini out of the straps but then refuses to move. Gets tired and hangry but has outgrown naps. Bored at home all day but doesn’t get much out of things the older wants to do.

Also meant to say my kids absolute favourite thing is having a picnic lunch in the garden. Small kids really do enjoy the simple things. Big days, big queues, overtired, long journeys. I think they hate it as much as we do!

I was widowed with a baby and a 2 year old, so took them out on day trips ((and later, holidays abroad) all the time.
Swimming was a bit tricky, coping with two on my own, and I needed toddler reins for walking safely in traffic, but we coped. The DC are now in their 30s, and survived intact!
I made sure we got out of the house every day, even if just for a walk. And the non resident nanny took them out on her own for the days I was at work.
Just do it, OP - you’ll soon build up confidence!

I wouldn't bother with big days out at those ages. Just lots of fresh air and running around, kicking a ball, scooters/bikes, local farms and beaches is great.

I have a 5yo and a 3yo and I deffo wouldn't do a big day out without OH! Especially with my two. My 3yo still very susceptible to tantrums 🙈

If there is the option of another adult, then no, YANBU. Local stuff is easier (and the kids will still appreciate it)

I have four little ones and do take them for big days out alone but I’m a single Mum so don’t have the option of help from their Dad. When we were together he wasn’t interested in many days out and I didn’t want them to miss out so I’m use to it now. It is a lot of work/preparation but we have a really nice time too.

It's always just been the DC and me, so had to just get on with it, otherwise we wouldn't go anywhere or do anything.
Doesn't mean I wouldn't want another adult with me sometimes.

Generally it gets easier as they get older. I was a season ticket holder to the local activity park back then as it worked for both ages had decent coffee and soft play for when it rained. Easy to organise to play with friends too.

I booked the theatre last week for 5 year old and 1 year old. It took us so long to get there (… couldn’t get buses, nappy changes, toilet trips, collapsing buggy and booking it into the buggy park, ds sitting on bus with bucket because he gets travel sick etc.), that we basically missed the lovely play (It was the ‘Tiger Who Came to Tea’, and we arrived to see the tiger waving goodbye!).

I concluded that time sensitive stuff just isn’t worth it this summer. But I was gutted! I love that story!

(… but there are lots of nice posts here about special memories being made when it’s just you and dc - it makes me want to give it another go!).

We went to a huge outdoor play area with the kids on Saturday and DH went for coffee, that was enough to persuade me.

Well done you mums that manage it, I know I probably would manage but I don’t want to put myself through it?