It's the first day of the holidays and my daughters are already winding each other up...

[Jourdain11]

I honestly thought I was safe from this till they were teenagers, but I got home from work this evening to find elder daughter in tears and younger daughter in a strop. Apparently they've been at each other all day and I've got a horrible sense of foreboding that this is going to continue for the whole holidays.

For context, they're very close in age (14 months apart), DD1 is 10 and DD2 will be 9 in August. They've always got on pretty well, but DD1 has severe OCD and health issues and DD2 is very bubbly and confident, and lately they seem to wind each other up. Today, DD2 told DD1 that she's embarrassing, which triggered a total meltdown. DD2 got it in the neck from DH and got upset because DD1 is "the favourite", whereas she gets told off for everything. They then both seem to have been as horrible as possible to each other for the rest of the day and I had to do an hour of peacekeeping negotiations when I got home to achieve a tenuous ceasefire.

I have a horrible sense of dread that they're going to keep this up for the whole summer. Anyone got tips on how you can get sisters to tolerate each other? I can't face this every day till September!!!

Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom because I feel the exact same way about my ds's aged 5 and 7.

I woke up with a positive attitude of how much fun we will have this summer and its been beaten out of me already.

I can't cope with 6 weeks of peacekeeping!

It's so soul-destroying, isn't it? I'm also a bit irritated with DH, who seems to have taken a bite out of DD2 (yes, what she said was not nice, but I think she said it out of frustration rather than to be mean) and then left them to niggle at each other for the rest of the day.

My dd's are 14 months apart and 15 and 16.
You have my greatest sympathy op. Sincerely..
Life is a living hell.
Holiday problems slightly solved by taking 1 and leaving one for a short break this year!! 2 cheap breaks - 1 caravan, 1 camping.
Added bonus of no kennels needed for ddogs!!

We found plan works well. So having some form activity to do every other day even just bike ride. I find I need to active parent more so board games, crafts.etc then nipping things in the bud before they get out of control.

Any chance dd2 is feeling a bit overlooked due to attention dd1 gets from her medical conditions.

Oh no, I have 3 daughters but the older two are 5 and 4
Their behaviour is shockingly bad, they wind each other up so much! 🤯
One has to look at the other wrong and off they are throwing tantrums, slapping things off the floor.
My head is melted

Why did we do it? 😂

Mine actually used to get on beautifully 90% of the time till about a year ago. Now they're just at each other constantly. DD2 does undoubtedly feel a bit overlooked, in that DD1 gets time off school for medical appointments, attention for her difficulties, etc. She's a very confident child, so I think we're not always as attuned to it as we perhaps should be. I'll try to do a shopping trip with her on her own at some point this week, which she'll enjoy. Trying to take them both shopping is hell because DD2 has the ability to window shop endlessly, while DD1 gets overwhelmed by the noise/people/displays/everything and frets about where the toilets are...

Mine are 5 and 8, and its common they they can't even get through breakfast without having to move one into a different room.

They can equally spend an hour or 2 playing together beautifully.

Could it be they are a bit burned out after the end of term and have less tolerance than usual? Don't know what their plans are, but separate activities with friends might be good?

Even dinner turned into a battle because DD2 complained that we eat "stupid boring baby food" because of DD1 and dressed her macaroni cheese with liberal amounts of hot sauce and about 10 jalapeño pepper slices. I think she might have slightly overdone it because she had to knock back a few glasses of water with it! Meanwhile, DD1 only ate about 2 mouthfuls anyway and then burst into tears.

Yes, mealtime battles are all too familiar...

I definitely think they're suffering from slight end-of-term burnout (as is DH, which isn't helping). DD2 is going to football camp tomorrow, which will hopefully burn off some of her energy! DD1 is very reluctant to do any activities at all, but I'm trying to find something which will pique her interest a bit...

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry a few months ago when DS1 and DS2 had a falling out and DS2 said he’d tried to kick his brother ‘because he looked at me funny’. DS2 is 6, so wasn’t aware that this was a trope at all.

Can you send them off separately for some time with either set of grandparents? My DM is having the boys separately for three days each which gives us almost a full week of respite!

Grandparents on DH's side are in Cornwall but have their hands a bit full with DSiL's brood - SiL has a 6-month old who was very premature and has lots of health problems, plus 3 very boisterous boys. DD2 and DS get on fabulously with them, but DD1 finds them a bit overwhelming. Wondering if I could ship DH and the younger two off to Cornwall at some point - I think the Grandparents might be a bit 🤔 about having the kids only, on top of all the other childcare responsibilities!

My mother lives in Paris and she and DD2 are kindred spirits, so that's a possibility! We've planned our summer atrociously (as in, barely at all) and I can barely take any AL from work as they've blocked loads of weeks, so it's all a bit of a mess...

We have very similar days in this house sometimes. Dd's 9&11. We find top and bottom step of the stairs for a time out fairly effective. Also as they share a room they take turns one being upstairs and the other downstairs, forced for a certain amount of time to ensure they have a bit of their own space. They usually complain to begin with especially dd2, she's bored and doesn't have anything to do, but I always have some jobs lined up for her and she'll find something to do.

They seem to bicker about everything at the moment, even over breakfast cereal 😒

We are organising friends to come round and dd1 is starting to meet up with her friends sometimes which seems to help.

We're now half way through the holidays now, I think? I hope so anyways!

dd13 is driving me up the wall, no ones allowed to look at her or even care enter the same room. The dts are 7 and of course think this is hilarious. It REALLY is not hilarious.

Can't afford to entertain them endlessly and the weather's so crap, but they need to get out and about so no one kills the other.

They're usually all so good together, annoying ages?!?! Maybe.

you have my sympathy anyway.

Well we're on holiday in paradise and the problems follow us wherever we are in the world. DD2 (13) isnt interested in most things we want to do. She hasn't been out of the apartment alot of the time. Just wants to talk to her friends all the time. Today she told dd1 to die so I confiscated her phone. I told her if her behaviour continued there would be no days out or treats when we get back home. She criticises everything we do. Wish she was old enough to be left at home for 10 days while we go away!

Don't panic! Mine are always awful the first few days then they settle. If you can hold your nerve, I find it helps if I don't get too involved with the more minor squabbles - the last thing my kids need is me fed up and grumpy as well.

I find it works best all round if I'm a bit selfish with my time and energy (like, I listen to a podcast in my room for 20 mins even if they're low-level bickering downstairs) and then I have the energy and head space to try a set a more positive, forward-thinking atmosphere in the house.

(full disclosure : I don't always achieve this! Sometimes I end up yelling at everyone, and we all end up sulking by ourselves in different rooms. But I do find that often my own mood sets the tone for the children)

TheCanyon I'd leave her to it and take the other LO's out! I've a feeling I'm going to have alot of time to myself these 6 weeks. Dd1 will be off with her friends and DD2 either doesn't want to spend any time with anyone or is being a little horror!

I really need a new hobby. 🤣

It always took my sons about a week to decompress from school. Always loads of arguments and whining. They just struggle to have a change in routine and relax a bit. It drove me quite mad. But the weather is good. If you are able to get outdoors and plan few interesting things that's don't cost the earth it helps.

Mine are on their 2nd week of holidays now & have had about 23 minutes in total of not fighting 🤯. Ds2 is very reactionary & will lash out whereas ds1 says things he knows will upset or wind people up. Their behaviour is so bad currently DM & MIL (who will normally swear they are angels) refuse to have them together.

I sense a kindred spirit in your DD2.

You definitely need a stash of flavour additions she can have to her food. Everything feels better if your food tastes of something other than sadness the way you want it to.

It sounds like your younger daughter is feeling the strain of her sister's MH issues. I know from experience that it can be crushingly difficult to live with a mentally unwell sibling - have you thought about getting her any therapy so she has a safe space to vent?

Meals do take a bit of planning, because DS is a bit picky (normal, 6 year old boy not liking skins on cooked tomatoes or whatever picky), DD2 has quite an adventurous palate and likes to try new things, and DD1 will barely eat anything. So meals can easily be a battleground. We have a few things that work well, like wraps with multiple fillings, but you need to keep an eye that DD1 eats something other than just one plain wrap.

DD2 is going to a really good peer support group for siblings and I think she enjoys it and gets a lot out of it, but it has stopped for a month. I guess the people who run it need a holiday as well though!

I feel so sorry for your DD2. Largely because I have been in that position and still am with my parents. My sibling who had anorexia is still the golden child who gets everything done for her while I have to fend for myself. And we're in our 40s. But apparently I'm OK cos I have a partner I can lean on 🙄

My eldest has autism and I'm acutely aware of making sure my youngest child never feels the way I felt.

Separate your kids as much as possible and find somethings for DD2 to do that she actually wants to do and enjoys for herself instead of having to compromise for everyone else.

My DDs are 12 and 14. They are either the best of friends or the worst of enemies. It can go from zero to 100 in two seconds.

You have my sympathy ,I've no advice though.

We got 55 minutes into the holiday before DS1 was sent up to his room...
DS2 was sitting on the end of the sofa and DS1 crammed him into 25% of it. DS1 occupied the middle third and couldn't possibly have shuffled up into the remaining space on the other end. DS2 carried on gaming, but DS1 got aggravated because DS2 kept nudging him 🙄

They're 11 and 9. DS1 has ASD so can have a different perspective on sibling justice and logic. He also has dyspraxia.

The holidays can be long...
I also get no break from DS1. I can get a change of dynamic by sending DS2 to a few days of sports camp.

I really hope I never make DD2 feel like this - it is tricky, because DD1 sometimes needs so much time and attention and I am conscious that the other two could easily be sidelined (especially DS, actually, who is a remarkably self-sufficient boy and is capable of taking himself off and entertaining himself by building elaborate constructions for hours!). DD2 is funny, she's mature for her age, she's smart... it's very easy to enjoy her company and I hope she never gets the feeling that we can't be bothered or take her for granted.