It's the first day of the holidays and my daughters are already winding each other up...

[Jourdain11]

I honestly thought I was safe from this till they were teenagers, but I got home from work this evening to find elder daughter in tears and younger daughter in a strop. Apparently they've been at each other all day and I've got a horrible sense of foreboding that this is going to continue for the whole holidays.

For context, they're very close in age (14 months apart), DD1 is 10 and DD2 will be 9 in August. They've always got on pretty well, but DD1 has severe OCD and health issues and DD2 is very bubbly and confident, and lately they seem to wind each other up. Today, DD2 told DD1 that she's embarrassing, which triggered a total meltdown. DD2 got it in the neck from DH and got upset because DD1 is "the favourite", whereas she gets told off for everything. They then both seem to have been as horrible as possible to each other for the rest of the day and I had to do an hour of peacekeeping negotiations when I got home to achieve a tenuous ceasefire.

I have a horrible sense of dread that they're going to keep this up for the whole summer. Anyone got tips on how you can get sisters to tolerate each other? I can't face this every day till September!!!

I want you to know, @Jourdain11, that my sister is seven years older than me and we had plenty of fights when we were young.
I think it’s more girls in proximity than it is age.
And my mum threatened many times to run away from home - you could try that. It worked the first time or two with us — the next 200, not so much.
In twenty minutes your girls will be grown and you’ll be longing for “those long ago days” when your girls were little and your hair wasn’t grey (completely forgetting who gave it to you).
Deep breaths & good luck. ❤️

'She's mature for her age' has me concerned tbh. So was I. Have spent years looking out for my mum whilst my sibling throws tantrum after tantrum. Why would I keep missing about how hurt I was when mum asked me to stop. I'd already told her so she knew. Except she seems to have taken my then silence as a sign I was really OK when the total opposite was true, and now we barely have a relationship and she can be understand why.

Just because your middle child isn't drawing your attention doesn't mean she doesn't need it.

All sounds familiar. I have DD 10 and 8. The 10yo has ASD and is jealous of her little sister, who finds life easy and is good at everything, as well as being smaller and cute so getting a lot of attention, has more friends etc. It is hard to balance as in a way we expect more from DD2 because she is more mature and able in various ways. We try to find things that DD1 excels at, but alternate who chooses what to do, and have one on one time with them both. We don't have family help unfortunately - gp are elderly and never even have one dd to look after for a couple of hours.

We both work so the dc will be with the childminder together on work days in the summer holidays, so they really will be together a lot of the time. They felt poorly at the weekend and were actually too tired to squabble, which was nice!

Sounds like you are doing v well at balancing their different needs and also with pick your own mealtimes.

When I say mature, I mean more that she is confident and she's very comfortable speaking to adults. Sometimes too much so. (I opened the door to a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses on Saturday and she appeared within seconds for a chat. "Are you Mormons? Is it voting or drinking coca cola that you're not allowed to do then?" They may not come back!) I think it's partly that she and DD1 are close in age, so she did a lot of activities and stuff with DD1 and other 4 year olds when she was 3, etc. A lot of people assume that she's old for her year when she's actually one of the youngest. I'm not saying she's a wonder child or anything, she's just quite articulate and "confident in expressing her opinions", as her school report put it 🤔😀

I feel your pain.

My DSs are 12 and 9 and it's bloody hard. Ds1 has ASD. He's a quiet kid and hates noise. Ds2 can chat about anything and everything, LOVES shouting and singing, has a really loud whacky laugh and enjoys jumping around as he has tons of energy.

I've ordered some noise ear defenders for ds1.

Our dynamic is like that and it's so hard to balance their needs and I can't keep supressing one in favour of the other whichever way round it is.

They love each other dearly, they'll snuggle like cats then DS1 hits his threshold without warning. Admittedly in the past year DS2 has also become more aggravating and it's so hard to disentangle who did what or intervene while the going is good because they don't see the situation brewing.

DS1 likes personal space, and it's hard to give that without worrying that I'm being distant. I think I'm doing OK because he comes to me when he wants to be affectionate.

It's hard to be equally fair to children with different needs. At least being aware of it is a good start.

Just spotted this on my 'active' while scrolling. It has improved, if only slightly. I think the nadir came about 2 days after I posted this, a bloody battle involving pulled hair and copious amounts of jam 😳 DD1 has been very anxious and (to be honest) quite difficult this summer, so it has been a balancing act. DD2 has enjoyed her football and grandparents (my in laws) have been up for a week and have done various things with the kids in different combinations. I think DD2 and DS have now seen every museum exhibit in London, but they've also eaten a lot of ice-cream!

DD2 has her 9th birthday in a couple of weeks and desperately wants a 'grown-up' party. This is apparently going to involve having people over for 'dancing', eating baked camembert, sushi, GREEN olives and hot doritos (what have I raised??) and having a sleepover, then going to the cinema the next day. Pretty tame really, but she doesn't want DD1 to be 'invited' because she thinks she'll get overwhelmed and there will be an awkward scene. Bit tricky. I think I'm going to propose that DD1 can have a friend over (and they can join in the 'dancing' if they want, which they probably won't) but that she doesn't need to join for the rest of it, since it's only probably going to be 3 of DD2's friends anyway. I don't want to be unfair to either of them..