DH showing my sister personal texts

[yellowsubmarine7]

Myself, DS and DH are very close with my mother & sisters. We live close by and my DH and sister work together and travel to work and back together, so spend a lot of time with each other. My sister doesn’t have children/partner and lives at home with my mother.

There has previously been an issue where DH would share details with my sister of private arguments we’ve had and my sister would sometimes use it against me after. I told DH a while ago that it needs to stop and as far as I knew/know, it had stopped.

Myself and DH had a very heated disagreement over housework, dinner etc via text today. My sister came over this evening and could sense there was an atmosphere, so she went into another room and asked DH what the problem was, in which he passed her his phone and showed her all of our messages.

At first, I was very, very angry but now very hurt, especially to do so in such a short distance of me in my own home. DH doesn’t see the issue at all and is making out like I’m overreacting. I admit I probably could have handled our disagreement better in regards to the housework and dinner to begin with.

So, AIBU? Would appreciate honest thoughts :)

Why did your sister come round your house when she had been at work all day with your husband? Does she not have any friends or hobbies or other stuff to do in the evenings?

You’re right to be annoyed, it’s so child like showing messages. Why couldn’t be just say there’s been a disagreement and leave it at that? Inappropriate

Your DH needs to stop involving your sis in your marriage.
If your DH works with your sister and travels to and from work with her, and then she comes around to your house in the evening it sounds like she spends a extraordinary amount of time with him.
Can you not create some space betwern your and Dh and your siblings?

That's not on. Is your family toxic/complicated at all? Because your sister is a twat for looking, as well as your DH being a twat for showing. Both these people should value their relationship with you higher than the one they have with each other.

I do get pretty arsey so I would have got very cross at this, have you considered telling your DH to fuck off until he is willing to listen to how upset you are?

Is he sure which one of you he married?

I wouldn't have any conversation with him via text again tbh

Of course you are reasonable to be annoyed. He needs to respect the need for boundaries in a relationship

When you told him it upset you before, he agreed to stop and did stop for a while, but now he doesn't see why he should stop?

Yanbu. He is supposed to be on your team, not hers.

Their closeness is a bit suspicious, no?

This. He clearly can’t be trusted. He sounds quite childish and insecure to need to look for backup from your sister all the time.

How bizarre. Are you sure their relationship is strictly platonically brother and sisterly?

Your sister works with your husband all day and then comes over to spend the evening with him too?

She interferes in your marriage and uses information about your arguments against you.

You and your DH need to create some distance in your marriage and home life from your sister, and she needs to get herself some hobbies/friends/a life.

He is using her as his confidante. Very dodgy. Why did she come round when they spend all day together? He has disrespected your boundary about this and you’ve already raised it. I’d be extremely angry.

I would be very suspicious of their relationship. Even if they're not having an affair, he doesn't have your back. He's an arse.

Are they fucking?

Reminds me of my first H and ex Sis. They were sharing more than texts!

This needs sorting quickly. Your emeshed, codependent sister wife set-up isn't working.

Sorry. They are shagging.

You just haven't figured it out yet.

My sister would ask me what was wrong not my husband. Why is your sister your husband’s confidante and not yours? She should be closer to you than him. Really strange.

Dodgy

Why is your sister asking your DH what the problem is and not you? She sounds emotionally closer to him. I’d be concerned about that

To be fair, just to add another perspective... I was very close with my in-laws when I was married, especially with one of my ex-husband's brothers and sister. Me and his brother were very good friends and spent a lot of time together. We even lived in the same house at some point and I invited him yo various work events because he was looking for work in my field. There was absolutely ZERO romance there. When my husband was an arse I would sometimes share my frustration with his siblings and use them as confidants. I have been divorced 10 years and I am still very close to my ex-husband's brother and sister. We meet up and his brother used me as a job reference a few months ago to get a new job. I still complain about my ex-husband to them. His brother is now married with two kids of his own (as is his sister) and we are still close. There has never ever been even a hint of anything dodgy between us.

Does he remember who he married?

That's a breach of trust. I wouldn't want my husband showing our private messages to anyone. And they're ganging up on you, which is shitty.

I would be very very annoyed at both! Sister is overstepping and OH is being inappropriate and disrespectful!