To tattoo "you have kids" on his arm??

[Womeninthesequel]

Light-hearted, because this is genuinely the only thing he does that makes me consider putting him under the patio...

For the past several months, at least once a week DH has come over to me and said "there's XYZ (pub trip, party, cocktail night, club social etc etc) going on tonight, do you fancy going?"

Well yes, DH, I'd love to, but WE HAVE TWO SMALL CHILDREN and you've only given me an hour's notice so no, I can't go!

And then he looks at me like he's been hit over the head and goes "oh shit yeah, of course not!"

He works part time and does the vast majority of the childcare, and yet it seems that an invitation to any social occasion makes him forget their existence. I can't decide whether I think it's hilarious or enraging.

Enraged. Go with enraged. Idiot 🙄 What planet are these men on?!

It depends. Does he still go and is, in fact, only pretending to invite you?

So he is looking for you to say 'oh darling we both cant go but you go and have fun'. Sensibly you haven't bitten and he seems to have enough wit not to suggest it

He will sometimes go without me but will always be sad I'm not there. Occasionally he gives me enough notice that we can get a babysitter and on those nights he will mention multiple times how nice it is to have me there with him, so I'm confident he's not pretending to invite me.

How come it is either he goes without you or you both go? Why is it never "yes I'd love to, have fun with the kids, I'll be home at midnight"?

I'd reply - oh I'd love to, thanks for looking after the kids, see you later

The answer is clearly

'yes, I would love to! The kids are having x for dinner, and you can have whatever you'd like except the chicken because that's for tomorrow. See you when I get back. Love you!'

Cross posts 🤣

@jackstini @KeyboardWarriorsUnite because these are events with his mates, I'd be his date, not invited solo. I go out plenty myself, and sometimes last minute, but if I want him to come with me I book a babysitter in advance!

Is this just a post to brag that your husband is lovely and that you have regular babysitting available and a wonder social life?

In that case
'oh thanks, but I don't fancy that. But if you really don't mind being home with the kids, maybe I'll see if Jane is free for a catch up over a bottle of wine'.

Lol this is the trick DHs friends use to get their partners/wives to agree to them going out.

He will sometimes go without me but will always be sad I'm not there
Oh, come on...

Great trick that some men have come up with to get themselves a free pass for a night out!

And why is it you arranging the babysitting whichever of you is going out?

Yep. Do this the next three times and magically it will stop.

I would start changing my answer to “sure I would love to go, thanks for letting me know so you can look after the kids”

I was going to say this. This is the universal trick and it obviously works.

This. He is playing you like a fiddle.

Why do you have to arrange the babysitter

He will sometimes go without me but will always be sad I'm not there.

Living his best life and saying to his mates 'mine's a pint and a tequila chaser, just nipping to the toilets to send the missus a sad face selfie'.

It would really annoy me that he’s pretending to forget about the kids.

Why does he not just say X and Y are going to the pub on Saturday is it alright if I go along too?

Obviously he doesn’t need your permission but it’s polite considering you have children.

I’d also do the same too.
Instead of beating around the bush just tell him that your friends have invited you out and is it alright to go whilst he looks after the kids.

You could even have set days where you take in turns going out and then once a month get a babysitter so you can go out together.

Aww OP really? I mean it’s obvious to anyone what he’s doing! You must be a lovely and extremely trusting person but I’m afraid he’s using that to his advantage! Which makes him a bit of a twat unfortunately (I’m sure he’s lovely in other ways!), and of course he says he misses you and it’s better when you are there- he’s hardly going to say he prefers his nights out without you, is he?! He’s worked out how to play you and he needs to keep it up, even on the odd occasions you can go with him to these things.

Also, adults don’t regularly organise things last minute- occasionally of course but most people have jobs, hobbies, families, lives, responsibilities and plan things in advance- cocktail nights and club socials, he’s known about for weeks or months and just not told you so that he can go alone! No way have they just “popped up” and he’s just “forgotten about the kids”

I might believe it slightly more if he worked away usually, worked long hours, barely saw the kids etc (although even then no, I wouldn’t) but as he provides most of the childcare, I promise you he does not just randomly forget he has children…

If he does the vast majority of Childcare he hasn't forgotten about the kids. The question Is why he doesn't just say "James asked to meet me at the pub tonight" and just go?

My friends husband used to always complain why he had to ask for permission yo go ot when she went out. She told him that if he starts taking the kids when he goes out then he can just go without saying anything. Then it clicked with him that she indeed takes the kids with her unless they have agreed beforehand.

I do think he may be doing this last minute because he knows you can't come. he isn't magically just forgetting you have DC.
And funny as his friends give zero notice for all of these things, isn't it?

Thing is, he probably does want you to go too, but isn't that bothered if you don't, as long as he gets to go. Which it seems he gets to do, as suddenly childcare is totally up to you.

I think next time it happens, instead of saying you can't because of the DC. Say, oh no that sounds good, but WE can't take the kids to that and its a bit late to get a babysitter. Never mind, maybe another time. Anyway, what shall we do for tea? Oh, and can you do bath time tonight? my backs really aching today....

99% sure this is strategically done to trap you at home and ensure boys night. Careful how you play it as he could move on to just calling you to let you know he's gone straight out after work if you seem too wise to his trick.