To return to work FT

[mumguiltwork]

I've name changed for this just so it doesn't tie to other posts

I'm looking for some advice and experience from others who have done the same
I'm due to return to work from maternity leave in a couple of months (on a part time basis), however have been approached about a new job
This new job is substantially higher pay that the one I would be returning to - 3.5x the current salary. It's a contract role also but with a decent length and potential to extend.

The logical side to me says to take the job. The money would be extremely handy right now, help me clear a bit of debt I have quite quickly and then I'd also be able to build a good savings pot during this time as well and put us in a much better position for buying a house. If I return to my part time role it could take me a few years to pay off the debt and thus even longer to save

However I'm really worried about working full time and leaving my 8 month old dd in childcare/with grandparents. Will I lose the bond I have with her? I'll miss out on so much time - getting home in time just to do bath/bed with her. I have a hobby I do twice a week also, so I would essentially need to give that up as well because it's in the evenings and I don't want to add even more time away from dd

As it's a contract job it does mean once the contract is up I could take on another job part time again elsewhere and get more time with my dd back and be in a better financial position. Everything points to taking this job but I'm just worried how this affects my relationship with dd and if I will cope

Anyone else gone back full time and how do you manage it?
Should I even consider this role or do I take the time with dd (money can always be made etc but time can't be bought back).

Full time nursery was such a good thing for my daughter who was 9 months old when she started there. She is bright and really benefitted from other children being around, organised activities and a wider world view.

If you think the job's for you, go for it. If it turns out great, that's great. If it doesn't, you can re-assess. The only thing you can't do is turn back the clock, and it sounds like you might regret missing the opportunity.

(Although it’s quite concerning to see someone who’s supposedly a SENCO presenting attachment theory as fact).

Have you actually read Bowlby? Because I have, I have a master's degree in social, emotional and mental health (also a teacher). Attachment theory and attachment parenting are very different things, Bowlby does not talk about women going back to work full time, it's about a breakdown in the relationship at the most foundational stages. Attachment parenting, which is an offshoot developed by an American pediatrician, is the one that says women shouldn't work until the child is three, it's a completely different thing, just someone's interpretation and in my opinion a stick used to beat women with.
It's fine to not want to go full time, it's not fine to quote Bowlby as evidence that women who work full time are setting their children up for serious mental health problems.
As I said, I have a master's degree which primarily focused on attachment theory, I have seen the effects of genuine disrupted attachment and I think the theory has a lot of merit, but I don't subscribe to attachment parenting and am going to be returning to work full time shortly with a toddler.

Thanks for the link @Ilikecheeseontoast People are entitled to opinions but you posted it as if it was fact at the same time as claiming to be a professional in the area which of course affects how people view what you say. I take on board that you have seen some examples of issues in later life which may have been attributed to their mum's working FT.

Helpful alternative view points from @seasidemum1 and @FunDragon too!

@Ilikecheeseontoast

They are indeed entitled to different opinions.

But when you go onto a thread populated by a lot of women which has been by someone with the username "mumguiltwork" who is clearly anxious about the prospect of leaving their child, having half understood the fairly controversial opinions of a man writing in the 1950s and whose opinions have been used (usually erroneously) to prop up theories about women's places being in the home etc, it's a bit like throwing a grenade into a restaurant.

You can voice your opinions. Others can scrutinise these, conclude that you haven't fully understood the subject you are opining on and that we would all benefit from a period of dignified silence on your part.

No surprise the people saying do it have no regrets working full time.... obviously biased because it's more palatable to believe there was no downside. Of course you miss out. It's literally someone else teaching your child to count, name colours, paint etc, let alone the really nuanced stuff like label and manage emotions if you're only about 2/7 days. But in terms of whether that bothers you, it's personal and some people wouldn't care or would prioritise (or need to) income.

ifstudies.org/blog/measuring-the-long-term-effects-of-early-extensive-day-care

There are lots of journal articles if you look up social and emotional development and full time childcare, which may provide less biased responses than a forum thread. From what I have read formal childcare is really good for little ones, not full time though.

You don't mention a DP. If there is one, could he go PT? My husband went PT in an industry where that was extremely unusual and he absolutely loves it, the man will never be FT again!

I would tell you to be cautious, is this job full time or full time plus? After mat leave, I took a new contract at a company local to me rather than part time with my original job but 1 hour commute each way.

The contract was a nightmare, I worked full time, got an hour max with my son on an evening then logged back on to work until 11pm. I travelled to and from London regularly as well. I was completely exhausted and wasn't far off a nervous breakdown.

I ended up finding another job after 10 months, but I was willing to walk it was making me that ill.

The money sounds great but I'd also say you'll never get this time back. I eventually moved to a four day week which was the best longer term working pattern for me.

After taking time out of the workplace, don't underestimate how hard it is to both work and be a parent of a young child.

Wish you all the best with it though

I didn’t go back full time. My kids are older now. I wish I had

I don’t believe our bond would have been effected and the financial benefits to them would have been enormous.

I Suggest anyone looks carefully into the Institute of Family Studies in the US before giving this post any credence.

Imo full time or part time doeant really effect the child or bond. It's more how the mum feels. I went back full time and hated it. Went pt after dc2 and found I was much happier in myself

No back-pedalling needed. I’ll remind you what I wrote:

FT mums who think it doesn’t affect their relationship with their child are mistaken. Saying ‘my kids are fine and we have a great relationship’ is all good and well, but it simply cannot have no impact at all.

I didn’t say you can’t have a good relationship, and I didn’t say that women who work damage their relationship with their children. I don’t need to quote evidence because I didn’t say those things. I said that we can’t kid ourselves that it has no impact. It has to change things.

"we can’t kid ourselves that it has no impact. It has to change things."

You cannot compare realky,
But if your adult kids are largely happy and have a good bond with you
It must be ok

Poor outcomes can be due to many factors

If op needs /wants to work
And puts effort into positivity
And being present with her dc
When with them
Seeks good quality childcare
It will be ok

Having a positive no-guilt outlook on the choices count for something
Being the constant in the dc lives (childcare teachers etc change over the years...parents dont)