To return to work FT

[mumguiltwork]

I've name changed for this just so it doesn't tie to other posts

I'm looking for some advice and experience from others who have done the same
I'm due to return to work from maternity leave in a couple of months (on a part time basis), however have been approached about a new job
This new job is substantially higher pay that the one I would be returning to - 3.5x the current salary. It's a contract role also but with a decent length and potential to extend.

The logical side to me says to take the job. The money would be extremely handy right now, help me clear a bit of debt I have quite quickly and then I'd also be able to build a good savings pot during this time as well and put us in a much better position for buying a house. If I return to my part time role it could take me a few years to pay off the debt and thus even longer to save

However I'm really worried about working full time and leaving my 8 month old dd in childcare/with grandparents. Will I lose the bond I have with her? I'll miss out on so much time - getting home in time just to do bath/bed with her. I have a hobby I do twice a week also, so I would essentially need to give that up as well because it's in the evenings and I don't want to add even more time away from dd

As it's a contract job it does mean once the contract is up I could take on another job part time again elsewhere and get more time with my dd back and be in a better financial position. Everything points to taking this job but I'm just worried how this affects my relationship with dd and if I will cope

Anyone else gone back full time and how do you manage it?
Should I even consider this role or do I take the time with dd (money can always be made etc but time can't be bought back).

I personally wouldn’t work full time whilst I had babies/toddlers. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford to work part time and really enjoy taking my now two year old to playgroup, park etc on my few days a week off. My older children are in school now and I really value that time we had together. That is just my opinion though and I think it an entirely personal decision.

I assumed it was a fixed term employment contract with a potential to extend? Might be wrong though.

@EtnaVesuvius

So is it your contention that you can't have a good relationship with your children as a working mum?
Where does that leave me, as a mum who is forced to work FT?
I'm sure you'll back-peddle in a minute and say "oh its different if there's no choice".
But what you're saying is essentially that women who work damage the relationship with your children. Whether they have a choice or not.
What is your actual evidence for this?

@FunDragon yes that's right :) fixed term with potential to extend

I agree with this post so much. Sometimes I feel like an alien on mumsnet as so many think putting your baby into childcare 8-6 five days a week has no impact on their child or the relationship. Of course it does!

I choose to work FT, I could choose to SAH or go PT. I struggle with energy and motivation for work at times, but my children are great and have a great bond with me - and an equally strong bond with their equally involved and hard working dad.

OK so to be crystal clear, this is a fixed term contract of employment on a salary, and you will be employed and paid by the business for whom you will actually be performing the work?

In which case, most of the comments continue to apply. Be aware that you’ll lose the employment rights that you built up in your current role: for the first two years in any new role you can be dismissed for any reason, and in the probationary period notice can be as little as a week. If you are confident of walking into another role in your industry easily, that might not be a problem though. But, that’s where your head should be at, rather than childcare and how often you will see your baby.

Can you be more specific about what you think the ‘impact’ is, though? And why it applies to mums not dads?

What is the impact? What’s your evidence for making sweeping and fairly offensive statements like this?

You’re not coming across as rude at all. Some people here are just over sensitive and confrontational.

TAKE THE JOB OP!!!!! Please take the job! It sounds brilliant

It's pretty obvious why there are questions over guilt, level of guilt and impact, if any, whether positive or negative on the relationship with DC if the mum works FT.

The OP asked and people have responded.

I cannot fathom why people not in that situation then have to be so offensive towards those who are. It is possible to respond citing your own experience without slagging others off.

Last year I made the switch to a considerably higher paid contract job, no regrets. I am able to save enough to mitigate any breaks in employment.

Whether or not you regret going back to work FT you don't know. You might regret it and you might regret it if you don't take the opportunity but remember your decision can be changed.

pros and cons of changing your employment status

Absolutely this. I work closely with a mixture of permanent and contract staff in a pretty relaxed environment.

However

While overall we treat everyone equally, expectations of contract staff are very, very different to those for permanent staff. Contract staff are expected to 'hit the ground running'. While there is some flexibility around start/end times for everyone around eg childcare, if a contractor needed a lot of time off for a child's illness or disability, they would not be expected to renew their contract.

Contractors are absolutely paid significantly more however they fund their own pension, health care and holidays.

It's not unusual for younger 'hot shots' to work all the hours for a while. All IT so there is some overnight working required on occasion. I've known contractors to work overnight for a change followed by a normal days work (and importantly been highly productive throughout)

We would not allow a permanent member of staff to do they. They are 'forced' to take holidays, too.

When their family responsibilities increase, the very good ones are offered a permanent role, often in a more managerial role.

In our environment at least, it would honestly be madness to go contract straight after maternity leave. YMMV

I braced myself for these comments! As I said in my previous post, working full time is a personal decision and every family is different, however as a teacher and also a Senco I have had lots of training in Attachment theory. The science tells us that without a consistent and present primary care giver (male or female I may add!) attachment difficulties may arise and only present themselves in later childhood or even adulthood. I don’t want to derail the OPs post and so won’t be commenting further but the science and research is ‘out there’.
I am extremely lucky that I have the choice to work part time and that I actually enjoy spending time with little children, again I understand that not everyone does and have friends that chose to return to work full time when they still had babies. I would never voice my views to them unless asked specifically, Thor children are older now and several do have behavioural/MH issues.

Ft from dc six months
All fine
Great bond
Still go on holiday with dc in early 20s
Youare still the parent
Be present at weekends
Get acleaner etc

@Ilikecheeseontoast I'm asking specially please. I'd like more info on this before I completely screw my children's life up any further, plus I think it is extremely relevant to the decision the OP is on the verge of making, so please do share more, it's not a derail.

Go for it. You'll be grateful when your child is older and you have the money. You might feel a bit odd for a month or so until you get into the swing of it. If you don't like it you can always leave

Also look into parental leave to see if that helps?

Its had a positive impact for me. I get to think about something other than my toddler and get "me" back. Use my brain differently. See people who don't just want to talk kids. My evenings and weekends are precious so admittedly I don't go out as much as I did pre baby. When I do have time with my child is more special. I can think of an activity for the time we have together but I wouldn't be able to cope day in day out. They learn so much more at nursery and with their nana.

John Bowlby was the principle pshychologist who developed ‘Attachment Theory’. www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html

For the record I didn’t mention mums or dads.
Yes of course, every situation is different. If you have doting grandparents or a really responsive, attentive nurturing childminder/key worker to be there when you can’t, then it can really work for everyone. Not all grandparents, nurseries or childminders are equal though unfortunately.

I understand that not everyone does and have friends that chose to return to work full time when they still had babies. I would never voice my views to them unless asked specifically, Thor children are older now and several do have behavioural/MH issues. tell me about your sample selection methodology here. I know two people whose mums didn't work and they had mental illness from a young age. I wouldn't claim that as any proof of anything though.

@Ilikecheeseontoast

I am extremely lucky that I have had the chance to work part time

Indeed you are lucky.

But you have chosen to parrot a mixture of 1950s psychology (which is largely discredited) and anecdata from a pool so small as to be irrelevant by way of evidence that something which many women have no choice over is damaging their children.

Hope you feel good about that.

The funny thing is though, there’s pretty indisputable evidence that children of mothers with higher socioeconomic status have better outcomes in life.

As a SENCO you’ll also know that children who spend time in high quality early years settings are less likely to be diagnosed with SENDs later in childhood.

And attachment theory is a theory. It’s not undisputed.

So it seems to me that the evidence on this is mixed at best.

I didn’t post to start a fight, simply to voice my opinion. People are allowed to have different opinions yes?