Partner out until 6am disagreement

[Ljh89]

I don’t think it’s acceptable to have regular nights out until 6/7am with a child, especially a baby under 1 (do this in your 20’s!!). Am I being completely unreasonable to say this, honesty pls? Bare in mind this is on top of working in the office 4 days a week, wanting to go for work drinks every now and then, playing cricket 2/3 times a week and wanting to be able to have a “normal” social life AS WELL as every month/two months going out until 6/7am. It’s something he’s always done and I want it to stop! Am I the only one going through this?! Should I leave him?

My ex husband is still the same and he is 60 next big birthday.....

You are souding more and more unreasonable each time you post.

I mean, I am impressed that someone can be up all night and carry on as usual the next day - fair play to him - but that takes away any reason why you should have any objection to hi meeting up with friends and going out once in the 6 months since the baby is born.

You really do sound very controlling and are now coming across as a bit weird. I mean, usually when posters don't get agreed with they try to make their version of the story sound better / the partner's sound worse but you are making yourself sound controlling and your partner sound more reasonable with every post......

I wouldn't put up with that. Where is he even going? Where is open until 6 a.m.

So it's happened a maximum of 7 times in 3 years and once since the baby was born? Since it doesn't affect him the next day I'm not actually seeing an issue with this tbh. Your relationship may well have other issues and you're just focusing on this but as a stand-alone I wouldn't personally care.

You can leave your relationship for any reason btw, you don't need to find a justification for it.

The fact that he does it 6-12 times out of 365 days wouldn’t bother me tbh.

How often does he go out for drinks?

How often do you go out?I think it’s important to continue having a social life after having a child but you both need to be having equal amounts of free time.

It sounds like he goes out a lot more than you do which is definitely not fair.

If it isn't having any actual impact on you, you're being unreasonable. You can't give a grown man a curfew because "I don't like it"

Exactly this!

The OP, like ever other person has the absolute right to decide what works and doesn't work for her, and to end her relationship if behaviour she finds intolerable continues.
Just as her partner has the absolute right to choose to stay out until 6am and forego his relationship with the OP if that's his preference.
She's not chaining him in the cellar, he's in complete control of his choice.

Just got to jump on every thread and be THAT poster, eh Carl?

@Ljh89, I'm interested in the "playing cricket 2/3 times a week". Cricket is quite a lengthy game, isn't it? Does this mean he's out 2/3 nights a week, or the weekend, or - what?

Yabvu. You knew before you even got together that he likes going out until 6am on a regular basis. He has cut this down but it’s still not enough for you.

This was one of the many areas in which my ex likes to control me. Having tantrums every time I wanted to go out clubbing all night.

Sorry, he's done it 6 times in three years, this is the first time since having a child, and it doesn't affect him, or your day the following day as he still participates in family life, but you don't like it.........very different from the feckless man you portray in your initial post. Instead you sound kinda controlling, and the unreasonable one.

It’s fine for him to have nights out, just ensure you get time to yourself to compensate. Your DD doesn’t need both parents with her every evening, it’s seems a bit controlling on your part

There are lots of clubs open until 6am and even later. There’s one I occasionally go to that doesn’t open until around 4am and closes at 11 am 😂

It's very selfish behaviour. I'd leave.

Sorry, he's done it 6 times in three years, this is the first time since having a child, and it doesn't affect him, or your day the following day as he still participates in family life, but you don't like it.........very different from the feckless man you portray in your initial post. Instead you sound kinda controlling, and the unreasonable one.

I completely agree.

Sorry are we only supposed to post when we agree with the OP?

Pointless have an AIBU section then seeing as we’re only allowed to reply when the answer is YANBU

Well I wouldn't have considered having a baby with someone who still wanted to behave like that. I want a grown up who wants a family life not a selfish man child who would rather be elsewhere and still wants to get completely wasted and be out all night long randomly.

Some people think it's fine of course - probably because it how they behave. It's not controlling to have things you find unacceptable in a relationship, and those things are going to change as you get older and have kids. You need to be clear about exactly what you find acceptable and unacceptable though if you're going to give him one more chance - and he can decide if those things are acceptable or unacceptable to him. I'd recommend some counselling.

It sounds like he gets a lot of time to do things he enjoys - work drinks every week (?), cricket 2-3 times a week (does that include a full weekend day during the summer?) and a big night out every 5-6 months or so. How much time do you get to do things you're interested in, or to go for a swim, or out for dinner with friends?

I would sit down and come to an agreement along the lines of the below:

• you each get a certain number of evenings per week/fortnight/month to do non family things. If he uses all those up on work drinks then there's no cricket practice
• he gets one 6am night out per six months (or agreed time) but there will be no drugs at all

Hopefully if you have some time to do your thing, you will both be happier. It sounds like he's willing to try.

I would be more concerned about the drugs than anything else. No issue with anyone doing them when single and childless but think it's completely irresponsible once you have children.

How much alone time to do get? Focus on that and the drugs rather than the night's out.

The once every 6 months wouldn't bother me, especially if he just gets up and on with it the next day rather than lie in bed hungover, but out 2-3 nights a week would irritate me.

Do people really think doing drink & drugs is compatible with happy family life? Blimey.

OP - your husband plays cricket 2-3 times a week during the season, which isn't a an hour at the gym.

He periodically goes out and stays out.

He's probably a high earner, especially if he's entertaining clients and drugs are on the scene.

He may love you and his family, but he's not a generic family man.

He will have been like this when you met him. He's probably unlikely to be happy with hum drum life so you're going to have to make a choice, I imagine.

I agree.

Drugs would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.

@ihatethefuckingmuffin
Ha! The only ones I remember are from the 90s where you could only buy water because everyone was pilled off their tits

What’s the difference between drugs and alcohol?