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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to look after nieces?

32 replies

TheLostNights · 23/07/2022 13:57

Sister can't leave them with the babysitter anymore as keeps getting bad reports back. Yet she doesn't believe it's true and wants me to have them every Friday over summer. To be honest, I'm not convinced they won't play up for me and it's my one day off a week which I use for housework /catching up with life etc. Don't mind having them here and there but every Friday for 6 weeks is not something I want to do. Aibu ?

OP posts:
Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 23/07/2022 14:00

Agree to 1 trail shift at the babysitter rate. And you will be recording any bad behaviour and reporting back.
It will be a one off won't it?
Quids on and dsis can stfu about her precious (feral) dc...

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 23/07/2022 14:00

She can’t pay people to look after them any longer because they behave so poorly. Why is it your job to solve her childcare issues?

Georgeskitchen · 23/07/2022 14:09

Yanbu. It's your only day off. How old are they? Why only one day a week. Does she have someone else the other days?

galacticpixels · 23/07/2022 14:14

That's a ridiculous expectation. Totally fine to say no. My nieces are well behaved and I voluntarily take them for the day when I can but no way would I give up every Friday night to look after them.

ToastedCrumpetwithCheese · 23/07/2022 14:18

Don't do it. You don't have to have your nieces at your sister's convenience, especially if they're poorly behaved.

The older I've got, the more comfortable and familiar I've got with saying 'sorry that doesn't work for me' and leaving it at that. If she needs childcare then she needs to sort her children's behaviour out. Why should she bother doing that if others will pick up the slack?

Tiani4 · 23/07/2022 14:19

You're not her default childcare

She needs to sort her own childcare out as you're busy on those days

I never expected my Dsis to do my childcare (3 full on DCs!) but sometimes she offered for a day here and there over holidays - at my house- and It cost me more than sending them to holiday clubs! (Since she took them out on bus, to expensive play places and theme parks- charged me for her travel, dinner & entry as well as all theirs each day, (that I would love to have done but can't afford to do each day ! Grin but they all had fun with Auntie and I paid up no question )

No way would she have volunteered to have them in her house one day every week! And I think she was an extremely helpful sister to me 💕

TheLostNights · 23/07/2022 14:20

10 and 7. In kids camp now for the remaining days but eldest not happy about it so sister asked if I can do Fridays.
She said she thinks they will be fine as always happy at home and so she assumes they will be with me as well. She very much seems to think it was the sitter in the wrong but I'm not convinced.

OP posts:
sunsetsandsandybeaches · 23/07/2022 14:20

So they're so badly behaved, people won't be paid to care for them, yet she expects you to do it for free?!

She's a CF. Say no. Or, charge her an extortionate hourly rate for the first Friday, then tell her they're too badly behaved and you won't be doing it again!

pictish · 23/07/2022 14:22

Ha no. And that’s a concrete no. It’s your day off. Too big an ask.

SpiderVersed · 23/07/2022 14:22

Hell no!

TheLostNights · 23/07/2022 14:22

Because they are happy at home and great at school she thinks the sitter was exaggerating the behaviour she was reporting back. I'm not convinced so will just say no.

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 23/07/2022 14:25

It's your only day off and she knows that , would be a definite no from me .

Penguinsaregreat · 23/07/2022 14:26

I would say you will have them on x day but you will be cleaning/gardening/clearing the garage all day so it might be pretty boring for your nieces. Try it once and see how it goes. I’m guessing the will be bored so won’t want to return.

KangFang · 23/07/2022 14:34

Tell her no.

Tiani4 · 24/07/2022 12:35

Yanbu OP as Regardless of whether they are well behaved or not, - (and the babysitter seems to indicate they are not )- it's still giving up your one weekday off a week to do childcare and is a huge ask.

Children still require attention. And you can't disappear off for hours doing the errands you want and need to do on a weekday - nor meeting up with your friends. The whole day becomes exhausting and about DCs. And they get hot bothered, bored and tired, which is always risk time for bickering.

If they go to club on the other days, Dsis can just extend club to Fridays as well. It's not for you to fix if her DDs prefer to be at home but won't behave enough for a babysitter.

My Dsis was lovely and helpful but would never have agreed to have my DCs one day a week over summer holidays !

Don't be afraid to answer your Dsis the way mine used to if anyone tried to do a CF ask
"No I can't, I'm busy then. (/I have plans"). Good luck with it".

My Dsis made it really clear that just because she was childfree, it isn't that she doesn't have an already busy life, her sibling's childcare issues are not her problem to fix -"You're their mum, I'm sure you'll sort something out"

Topseyt123 · 24/07/2022 12:45

Hell no!

A paid babysitter found them too poorly behaved. It would be a hard and uncompromising rebuttal from me.

Her children, her responsibility. She needs to stop burying her head in the sand about their problematic behaviour.

MajorCarolDanvers · 24/07/2022 12:49

I would.

But I like my nieces and I like my sister and I'd be happy to help her for 6 weeks.

Dnadoon · 24/07/2022 12:51

I'm going to go against the grain here , I would have them, families are supposed to help each other out, holidays are beyond tricky for working mums. She needs to address their behaviour though.

user1471538283 · 24/07/2022 12:51

You have to tell her no. It really annoys me when people use my time for their own. You have a day off to do what you want to do not to facilitate her childcare.

The rest of us parents had to and have to manage. This is not your problem

herecomemydemons · 24/07/2022 13:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Goldfishmountainclimber · 24/07/2022 13:12

Help your sister out, op. It’s only 6 weeks. I agree with the poster above about families helping each other out. But I would give honest feedback about the behaviour.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 24/07/2022 13:15

I would agree if she's super stuck but she had a babysitter and now has camps- are you the alternative to camp?

DelphiniumBlue · 24/07/2022 13:17

I'd offer one Friday to see how it goes. Once you know whether they behave with you, then you can decide if you want to have them more. If they are nice, then it would be a kind thing to do to help DSis out.

Ilikewinter · 24/07/2022 13:19

But her DSis is not stuck for child care, the kids are in camp but the eldest isnt happy about it, well tough unfortunatly it is what it is....and no I wouldnt be giving up my 1 day off either, if shes expecting you to be at her house when do you get your jobs at home done?

StClare101 · 24/07/2022 13:22

No can be a complete sentence. No.

Its your day off. Don’t do it to yourself.