DH bored

[Sparklybutold]

So DH came home with our nearly 2 year old saying he came home because he was bored. I was both hurt and flabbergasted. He went somewhere with fantastic shops and a great park. I stated about the park and he said he forgot. WTF! Prior going out he said he was tired but took our daughter out as I had an interview this afternoon. I feel.he came home because he probably was bored! I completely understand how being the default parent can feel like groundhog day but that's why I try and go out and do stuff! For both our enjoyment! I just feel he came home, subconsciously knowing I'm the default parent and that DD would just revert to being with me taking the pressure off DH. I have told him to go to bed because I frankly I cannot stand to look at his useless lump just sitting there doing fuck all. I cope much better when I know I'm the parent on duty. I feel so alone at times. He's going to have to start doing more as I actually got the job so I can't carry on running everything at home too. I'm so angry at myself for letting this go on or so long. I've tried talking to.him about it and he just doesn't get it. He'll happily get on with what I ask him to do, but I want an equal partner and not a man slave.

So AIBU? He's tired, kids are boring, etc etc

DH BU - he should step up.

Congrats on getting the job!

Don’t let him make you default parent, start as you mean to go on.

I mean you're unreasonable to send him to bed. You've just done exactly what he wanted and taken over with your daughter

@SavingsThreads

By him staying awake would mean looking at his face. He has mastered the art of sulking, which then just makes me angry. To remain calm for the kids I remove him so I'm.not pissed off around the kids.

You sent your husband to bed?

@Meraas

Thank you. Things will need to change. We will definitely need to talk about this together. I feel he's had the privilege of me being the default parent for both our children, so much so that it contributed to.the stress of me leaving my first career path. I'm damned if I'm going to let it happen again.

Not everyone finds 2 year olds interesting though? Even when they are your own? Not sure why taking her round some "fantastic" shops would be an interesting day out (for either of them?)

@MrsSchrute

He was falling asleep on the couch downstairs. To keep my mind calm.i do better with things by not having him there snoring/sulking.

Congratulations on the new job
Make this the start of a new regime
told him to go to bed - win win 🙄

@cantcomplainabouttheweather

She's starting to enjoy stickers and loves bracelets. There's a few shops I suggested which I know id go to with her and I know she'd love it! Then there's a fantastic park. He did have choices. It just feels.he made the easier choice - bring her home for me to look after.

@cantcomplainabouttheweather

I feel.what angers me.is the assumption that I'm 100% ecstatic at being a SAHM, but I make it work because.i have to. I've adapted go.i am so.i don't get bored.

@pilates

Thank you

I know I told.him to.to bed. I feel like a.fucking walkover.

What was he expecting from a 2 year old? Witty bantz and tequila slammers? Little kids are pretty boring, it's part of being a parent

@HangOnToYourself

😂😂😂

Congratulations on the job! Just tell Mr bloody lazy that yes parenting can be boring but he shouldn’t hesitate to cope - just like you have to.

@HangOnToYourself

I think this is whats angered me. The lack of we'll let's make the best of this and DO something. He's always wanted a daughter and it feels as though sometimes he doesn't actually like the responsibilities that comes with it. He does it with other things too. Likes the idea, and focuses on it to the extend lot of obsession but then doesn't like the follow up. He also tends to.keep.himself.busy with stuff external.to.the home leaving me to do the homey stuff.

@MissyB1

Thank you - I'm pretty chuffed with myself but also anxious especially given DHs lack of just dealing with it today. I am so tired many moments in a day but I grab a coffee and get on with it. I go out and do something.

I think part of me is also a bit upset that he didn't seem overly congratulatory. I wonder whether he too.is anxious about what me having a job means. There's still a couple of weeks with paperwork.etc.

Just wanted t say thbkyoi for everyone who's responded. Apologies for typos - said DD is currently plasteirng me with stickers. Ironically smiley face stickers 😁

I also.womder whether he's being res because he doesn't actively see what actually needs t.b done. In the pst 2 hours

Wash load on
Dryer on
DD art exhibit from.yestetday (paint everywhere) cleaned and cleared
Some artwork.stuck up
Hoovered
Tidied
Dinner on
Potatoes sliced and frozen down
1 bill paid

This is just background stuff that happens on a daily basis that he just doesn't see (or appreciate even?)

He's bored that should read

He sounds like an arse. Toddlers are not going to be scintillating conversation. They are hard work, need close supervision and to be entertained.

Has he not realised that this is what you sign up for as a parent?

You'd probably get on better without his dozy arse in the way.

Children are boring. A lot of parenting is boring. But you just suck it up. Maybe craft stores and parks are not his thing but he a d his kid can come up with alternative that will make it a little less boring.

You are doing a smashing job! And yes, I think a conversation needs to be had with him about expectations. He is not the child to be entertained! He needs to think from a child's perspective, how can I make this more exciting, like ooh a bus! How many can we spot? Etc. Good luck with new job, I'm sure you'll be stellar there too.

@Topseyt123

😂😂😂

I think there I a status quo that has resulted in me being the default parent and I feel.sometimes my 12yo son is more attentive. DH can sit and watch a programme and be completely oblivious to what's going on around.him. Where I literally can't do the same, I am.always aware of where DD is.

@Piemam

Omg yes! This is what it feels like. It's like he looks after her from.his perspective and then misses opportunities. There's a degree of egocentric thinking that I find really annoying.