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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate having people to stay

30 replies

Rollonautumn2022 · 22/07/2022 11:15

Parents are staying with us for a couple of weeks, love them and spending time with them, but hate having people stay this long.
Just really want to sprawl out and relax in the heat, but feel like I have to be doing things. Also have a crazy 3 year old and managing behaviour and tantrums with them sat watching is pretty awkward
Anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
PrisonerofZeroCovid · 22/07/2022 11:18

Yes- most people I think. I quite like house guests but not for more than a week. Managing grandparents and kids in the same house can also be tough if they don't normally spend a lot of time together. My DF complains the kids mutter (they don't, he's deaf).

Original poster
Rollonautumn2022 · 22/07/2022 11:20

@PrisonerofZeroCovid Its really hard as she wants to play with them all the time and they obviously can’t all day…but I can’t stop her playing in her own house

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 22/07/2022 11:21

Encourage them to take her on a day trip!

Original poster
Rollonautumn2022 · 22/07/2022 11:22

@girlmom21 They never do 🙈they don’t have a car here, so I’d need to drive

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 22/07/2022 11:23

Rollonautumn2022 · 22/07/2022 11:22

@girlmom21 They never do 🙈they don’t have a car here, so I’d need to drive

Find them a nice bus route nearby to an attraction and tell them you've booked their tickets Grin

NickyNora · 22/07/2022 11:31

I can only imagine. I had my sister to stay for one night recently.
It was draining and I absolutely love her!

I have never had any other house guests, actually I rarely have visitors at all!

AryaStarkWolf · 22/07/2022 11:32

Agree with @PrisonerofZeroCovid I think most people would feel this way

Original poster
Rollonautumn2022 · 22/07/2022 11:34

I feel so guilty for feeling like this though..but kinda just want my house and space back..then I’ll feel sad when they’ve gone

OP posts:
CookPassBabtridge · 22/07/2022 11:43

I'm like this, I only have mental energy to talk to people for an afternoon/evening whatever and then I go quiet and want my own space. I'm very bubbly and chatty but for short and sweet increments. Used to hate my exes family staying but thankfully don't have that anymore. Mine live close by.
When I had small kids it was even harder, as I always had to be around and couldn't retreat to my room for a break or go out, and having to manage kids around other people.. and yes always having to be busy. 1 so people don't think you're lazy, and 2 to get a bit of alone time!
Then you have to have your house perfect, can't relax properly.
My FIL always used to ask where I was if I went for some time alone 🙄
I like to end some time with someone on happy terms, not a relief to have them gone!

I feel for you! A good compromise for overnights are a hotel and doing things by themselves.

HonHey · 22/07/2022 11:48

CookPassBabtridge · 22/07/2022 11:43

I'm like this, I only have mental energy to talk to people for an afternoon/evening whatever and then I go quiet and want my own space. I'm very bubbly and chatty but for short and sweet increments. Used to hate my exes family staying but thankfully don't have that anymore. Mine live close by.
When I had small kids it was even harder, as I always had to be around and couldn't retreat to my room for a break or go out, and having to manage kids around other people.. and yes always having to be busy. 1 so people don't think you're lazy, and 2 to get a bit of alone time!
Then you have to have your house perfect, can't relax properly.
My FIL always used to ask where I was if I went for some time alone 🙄
I like to end some time with someone on happy terms, not a relief to have them gone!

I feel for you! A good compromise for overnights are a hotel and doing things by themselves.

OMG, I think you're me!! I feel 100% the same!

OP, YANBU, I hate it too, for all of the reasons above. I'm a happy and sociable and chatty person but can only uphold it for about 5 hours before I really need some alone time so having people in my space constantly and having to constantly feel like I have to socialise is just argh.

Blackmoggy · 22/07/2022 11:50

girlmom21 · 22/07/2022 11:23

Find them a nice bus route nearby to an attraction and tell them you've booked their tickets Grin

Show quote history

Don't do this OP...It would be so rude.

girlmom21 · 22/07/2022 11:50

@Blackmoggy it's not a genuine suggestion - it was light hearted. Hence the Grin...

FiveShelties · 22/07/2022 11:53

Guests, like fish go off after three days.

I would never stay with anyone for longer than two nights - that, to me, is as difficult as having people to stay.

Original poster
Rollonautumn2022 · 22/07/2022 11:58

@CookPassBabtridge Exactly the same!
Then I feel bad for sitting quietly, not talking much, but I really don’t have the energy
Today I’d love to sit in my pjs on the sofa with my dc and have a chill, but feel lazy in front of other people

OP posts:
Original poster
Rollonautumn2022 · 22/07/2022 11:58

@FiveShelties I wouldn’t either. I think my maximum would be 4 nights with my parents

OP posts:
Imabitbusyatthemoment · 22/07/2022 11:59

Totally agree.
When my family would visit for weeks on end from abroad I would end up frustrated and grumpy with them. Stressed the whole time due to having no space to myself and just having people THERE every time I turned around.
The last time they came I took a deep breath and said that it wouldn’t work for us to host them in the house anymore as our work/school commitments make it too difficult to have additional people in the house.
So much better all round. We could plan when they visit, no more having to cater for them the whole time.
I got over the guilt by reminding myself it’s actually a pretty big imposition of them to expect 3 or so weeks accommodation and if the shoe was on the other foot I wouldn’t expect it of them.
Id suggest finding your own obstacle that means that they can’t stay.

GreenManalishi · 22/07/2022 12:01

@FiveShelties has it, two nights is ideal, any longer and it all starts to go south. Two weeks? You are a saint if you haven't had murderous thoughts at least hourly.

Original poster
Rollonautumn2022 · 22/07/2022 12:03

@Imabitbusyatthemoment What did they say when you said it to them?

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 22/07/2022 12:05

YANBU. An added bonus of DH working from home is that our spare bedroom has been turned into an office. This means we can no longer accommodate overnight guests "unfortunately".
It doesn't matter how much I love someone and enjoy seeing them, I've never been able to fully relax when we've had people to stay. I'm more than happy to host people for lunch, dinner or drinks etc but I enjoy socialising more knowing that when it's over I can relax in my own space with just DH and the DC.

zingally · 22/07/2022 12:09

I'm the same, but after about 3-4 days, I want my house back. I want to be able to wander around in just knickers and bra again!

Original poster
Rollonautumn2022 · 22/07/2022 12:12

@zingally Thats it, it’s great the first 3 or 4 days but then 😩it’s exhausting cooking, sharing tv, not being able to lie down on the sofa if you want to etc

OP posts:
Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 22/07/2022 12:24

Never ever have guests over. Our home is our little space of peace. The spare ‘bedroom’ is becoming an upstairs sitting room/office for this very reason.
we do have plenty of campsites/bnb/hotels within walking/10min drive.

Imabitbusyatthemoment · 22/07/2022 12:24

They were fine about it. I’m obvs not aware of the conversations between themselves. I’m sure they would have preferred the free accommodation but I knew we would all get on better for it.

ihavenocats · 22/07/2022 13:26

If we have guests I know I'm going to be "on" the whole time. Cleaning after everyone all the time constantly. And that's okay, I just tell myself it's only for however long they're here then things are back to normal. But I just resign myself to it and things go much better than if I were sat wishing they weren't there.

11Hawkins · 22/07/2022 13:30

Yes, my mums staying for two weeks from next week.
I can cope for a week but two weeks is a lot.... she doesn't drive and we live pretty remote and I'm having surgery so won't be able to drive for a week of it. I don't know how I'll cope. 😂