Should you could and clean for a 19yr old

[Lillady26]

my partners son lives with us and is 19 year old just recently started working so not yet paying any rent it’s very frustrating as he isn’t to messy but also no tidy he doesn’t clean after him self or doesn’t wash his own cloths or dishes ect actually does nothing at all round the house and expects things like his cloths to be ironed and his dinner to be made he doesn’t eat the same foods as we do and I used to cook 2 diffrent meals a day for us all but I recently got annoyed and stopped this and only cook him food if we are having food and he is having the same thing I feel cruel and he gets annoyed at the fact his dinners are not made aswel. It’s akward conversation as I am not his mother but if he wants to live with us he needs to act his age and start looking after himself I don’t feel I should be doing his cooking and cleaning ? Sorry about the rant

I don’t think it’s your job to sort this out but your partner needs to be aware that raising a young man with a sense of entitlement to free female labour is pretty much setting him on the road to poor relationships and divorce.

Being able to sustain a long term partnership/marriage is economically advantageous. We invest in our dc’s education to enable them to get good jobs and earn well. As parents we also need to teach our sons, in particular, the skills of maintaining a relationship and pulling your weight in the household is about 75% of that.

For comparison, my 12-year-old DS does more than that - he cleans his room and does his own laundry.

He also cooks his own meals if he wants something different from us.

Maybe just stop being such a door mat.

My 18 year old son did his own washing and cooking (the latter because he is always on a special diet, I'd cook if he wanted to eat my food), all his own ironing and was responsible for his room and any mess he made (in the kitchen for example).
I'm happy to put laundry on if it's in the basket, but as and when I do my own.
I would not cook for him if it was outside my regular dinner times.

TBH it's an OP problem too. She is the one actually doing a lot of the cleaning, cooking and ironing.

She can just stop. 💁🏻‍♀️

You get this through to him without argument by refusing to argue. You say that you have house rules and task sharing like any other HMO and his jobs are xxx. I would also start requiring a cash input as well "only just started work" isn't an excuse except maybe if he is in his first month. His father should be supporting you in this. It should be a joint front which you present and if its not then you have got a bigger problem than a lazy entitled stepson.

its your boyfriends job, nothing to do with you, don’t do anything for the grown man, the fact that you have been doing basic life skills for this man is ridiculous. Stop. If questioned, laugh ‘eh? Why would I do your laundry? 😄 here’s mine, cheers!’

If the actual parent wants to pander to his adult child, he can fill his boots.

I could do everything for my DS and I enjoy doing things for him but it's a huge disservice to do everything for an adult.

Good grief. Man child in the making right there. DS(16) cooks for himself if he doesn't want what we're having, puts his own wash on, tidies his room etc. MIL brought her boys up to be able to look after themselves (one of the reasons I bloody love her) and we've done the same with DS.

Of course she can just stop doing it for the 19 year old.

The husband can explain why.

If the husband doesn't like it, he can be the doormat.

Stop doing all that work for him! And if he doesn’t like what you’re cooking, give him the run of the kitchen.

Whst does his father say?