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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are people so bitter?

49 replies

LottieZ · 21/07/2022 09:37

Ok so I’ll start from the beginning. The other day a friend of mine made a comment and it has kind of been eating away at me since. We were chatting away and she asked me if I had anything planned with my dc over the summer. I explained that we didn’t have much planned as of yet just a couple of days out in August. She asked where we were off to so I told her. My local council have a scheme called HAF that provides activities and days out for dc. For years we weren’t eligible to access these as they were only for kids who receive free school meals, however this year they’ve opened up the criteria meaning that dc who attend a specialist school or have an education health care plan are now eligible.

So, when another friend (who’s dd has Sen) of mine messaged me to tell me about it I was like oh fab I’ll take a look. I managed to find two activities/days out that my ds would enjoy. Ds is 9 and is autistic and he loves things like climbing centres and trampoline parks and these are some of the activities on offer so I booked him a place through the council’s website.

I mentioned the scheme to my friend and she got all uppity about it saying “oh that’s nice I work full time and get sod all” she then went on to talk about dc who get free food in the holidays. My ds doesn’t get this but I’m thankful the scheme is in place for dc who do need it. My dh works full time in a physically demanding job, I work part time and we have 2dc to care for the including our youngest who has challenging behaviour and multiple needs, yet as my friend carried on talking it was clear she thinks we live the life of luxury which is far from the truth. AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
AmbushedByCake · 21/07/2022 09:39

The scum media in this country profits from making people believe that anyone who receives something from the government is fucking over people who work. It's an insidious erosion of support for more socialist government policies. There's no profit in kindness or reminding people that it isn't an advantage if you start off disadvantaged.

Samcro · 21/07/2022 09:42

does she have a child with sn?

Original poster
LottieZ · 21/07/2022 09:42

Yes I agree the media definitely play a part.

OP posts:
Original poster
LottieZ · 21/07/2022 09:42

No she doesn’t.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 21/07/2022 09:44

While YANBU I wonder if she made the mistake of letting the voice in her head out.

Don't we all have that slightly whining 'it's not fair' voice in our heads sometimes?

I know I do! I try to keep it bottled up though.

Samcro · 21/07/2022 09:44

LottieZ · 21/07/2022 09:42

No she doesn’t.

sadly you will have to get used to this, I have had a family member being jealous as we got respite for our severely disabled child. their kids were all nt!!

lazaro · 21/07/2022 09:44

Unhappy people tend to project and blame, OP. Maybe she hates her job? Too many people under pressure at the moment. Anyway, you are not responsible for this. Enjoy your days out!

pictish · 21/07/2022 09:45

Well I hardly think it’s an attack on you…just a shoot from the hip moment on something she’s clearly not knowledgeable about. I wouldn’t let it bother me.

Original poster
LottieZ · 21/07/2022 09:46

Wow really. If you’re entitled to respite then grab it with both hands. We don’t get this but I would never begrudge another family getting support. We never get a minute on our own and my ds won’t sleep overnight with family or friends and it’s hard work at times.

OP posts:
Original poster
LottieZ · 21/07/2022 09:47

I hate my job too lol but for now at least I need to stick with it.

OP posts:
SexyLittleNosferatu · 21/07/2022 09:49

Aren't friends allowed to whinge to their friends? Maybe she is struggling with working full time and balancing child care and the associated costs. It doesn't necessarily mean that she is begrudging you anything, does it?

londonlass71 · 21/07/2022 09:51

I don't think it's bitter. She is entitled to an opinion, that said I agree with the previous OP that one should try and keep it bottled up. I have no kids and I'm not married and sometimes I feel like I oay tax which goes towards education and many other things I don't really use. Married people benefit from tax breaks etc and I don't. But it is what it is.

Original poster
LottieZ · 21/07/2022 09:51

Yes of course. She complains to me all the time and I sit there and listen smile, nod etc.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 21/07/2022 09:52

Where’s she been bitter? She’s not saying she wishes you couldn’t access it. She wishes she had the same opportunity for her children.

Original poster
LottieZ · 21/07/2022 09:52

I get that everyone is entitled to have a moan but lately she just seems bitter about everything. I don’t exactly have it easy yet I don’t bang on about how unfair my life feels at time. I just get on with it as moaning changes nothing.

OP posts:
11Hawkins · 21/07/2022 09:52

"Yes but you don't have a child with SEN." That's what id reply. Sometimes you need to fight fire with fire.

phishy · 21/07/2022 09:52

I think you're being unfair, OP.

We're all human and even though logically we know that equality doesn't mean everyone getting the same thing, it can be a bit wearisome hearing what other people are getting.

A lot of people are just above the threshold for help so not rolling in money.

I don't think you're much of a friend if you can call a friend 'bitter' for a pretty innocuous comment.

LuckyLil · 21/07/2022 09:53

I can understand it seeming a little tactless but unless she's always like this 24/7 I'd probably put it down to a one of whinge and let it go. Life's too short.

Thegreatestshowoff · 21/07/2022 09:55

She’s probably part of what many would call the squeezed middle. Just over the threshold for any help, no council tax rebate, tries to do all she can by working full time BUT still struggling. Life might feel unfair to her! I heard a mum at school talking about the cost of living payment she received the other day and she was going to spend it on a holiday! I did judge! She smokes like a chimney, works part time through choice and claims all she can. Meanwhile, we both work full time, kids in wraparound care and still don’t have much to spare.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 21/07/2022 09:55

Agree about the media.

There are many wealthy people who tend to have power or access to power through the media and their funding of politicians.

It suits them to promote an ideology that says it's unfair for those with very little or significantly greater need to get support from the rest of society YET it's the 'politics of envy' if you say it's unfair that wealth is overwhelmingly concentrated in the hands of a small number and that once you have wealth it's much easier to multiply it.

That's why we end up with the richest 10% with average assets of £2m and the poorest 10% with average assets of £15k. The difference is eye watering.

But the status quo is maintained because people in the middle are fed poison about those at the bottom so they think it's ok.

BiggerthanIusedtobe · 21/07/2022 09:58

I haven't voted, because I can see both sides. Accept the help and enjoy, but I've been in the position of working in a job I hated, kids not entitled to anything, and suspecting I'd have been better off NOT working, but I wouldn't have been given benefits for umpteen weeks if I'd resigned. I think the bitterness is at the system OP, not at you, you're friend was just a bit tactless in the way she put it.

DowntonCrabby · 21/07/2022 09:58

She’s a narrow minded dick, with I assume NT DC?

Enjoy the days out OP Flowers

Choopi · 21/07/2022 09:59

I wouldn't pay any heed. Some people just have a chip on their shoulder about this kind of thing.

Where I live they announced that the school bus will be free this year for everyone that uses it, it usually costs €350ish. Under articles about it there were loads of comments saying things like 'once again the working people get nothing'. They didn't even bother to read or process the fact that it is free for everyone without jumping in with their bollocks. I don't know why they do it but I wouldn't take it personally.

Footbal · 21/07/2022 10:01

She is not being bitter. Maybe she is struggling financially herself. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. She could be dealing with work or relationship problems and could be feeling down. She didn't say anything about your SEN child just that she gets sod all and works full time. I doubt this comment was aimed at you but it can be very sickening when you work pay taxes so as other people/children can benefit and you and your kids get nothing.
.

InsolentAnnie · 21/07/2022 10:01

AmbushedByCake · 21/07/2022 09:39

The scum media in this country profits from making people believe that anyone who receives something from the government is fucking over people who work. It's an insidious erosion of support for more socialist government policies. There's no profit in kindness or reminding people that it isn't an advantage if you start off disadvantaged.

This is, IMHO, the root of a lot of problems in this country at the moment, and why we’ve ended up with a load of self-serving twits running the country.