To slow down on my clearing credit card debt quest?

[Onlyrainbows]

We've got just below £4k in credit card debt. Can't remember how much there was originally but I think it was around £7-8k at the start of this year. The debt is down to my husband overspending over the years and a few months of redundancy last year (my end). We now have a decent joint income and live a fairly comfortable life, however I'm always stressing out that I want to clear them before the 0% ends (one is first of January 2023 and the other one is in a year or so). However, I'm always stressing that they need to be cleared and get a tad annoyed that I never get to "enjoy" my money, because the priority is always to clear the cards.

No wonder you're pissed off then. This isn't about money, really, is it. This is you being pissed off that he's taking advantage of you.

What's the rest of your relationship like? Is he respectful of your boundaries in general? Does he listen to you and care about your opinions and feelings on things?

For the most part he's a perfectly decent husband. He's sometimes over critical (and so am I) but it never turns into an argument.

Ahh

I see now the problem. I would be so resentful in this situation. I'd stop with the holidays and cinema etc and use that money on yourself, he needs to have some sort of consequence to his behaviour so he gets to sit at home bored while you use the "fun" money as "me" money.

Ps. If you buy a shark make sure he knows how to use it too.

My advice, bite the bullet and carry on paying off the £500 a month. I don't know how the debt is sit but make sure you pay enough on card that finished in December to make sure it is cleared. You can focus on other card afterwards. Just think how mice it will be next year with no debt. Don't give up.

Right, so it sounbds like you are just fed up. Like you ear 75k a year but you can never buy the things you want because of your DH's past. It's not really about the fitbit or the shark hoover or spending £300 on devices or glasses.

Here is what I would do - I would take one month off the cc repayment, paying only the minumum pyament. Buy yourself something nice with the money. then pick it up again - and maybe reduce it to £400 (meaning it will take 10 months to clear instead of 8, and prioritise the one that finishes first). that gives you a little more to play with, but without cutting down so drastically. You then need to talk to your husband about him at least helping to carry the mental load here and how he can help the situation. He needs to take responisbility at the very least.

Why doesn't it turn into an argument? Sorry to drill down here, but somethings up.

But I don't see how can he carry the mental load? Which would help for sure.

Ask him to take over the budgeting maybe. Might give him a better sense of responisbility over your financial situation.

If it's his debt, why aren't you just telling him to deal with it? He can contact his creditors and ask for repayment holidays and to make token repayments. What's it got to do with you?

It seems like he's got into a mess, and you've decided to take it on, and complain about it.

It's not HIS debt, he created this household debt by keeping not providing enough and spending it selfishly on himself. Like I said, if he had contributed enough, there would have been enough disposable income over the years to create savings.

If it has his name on it, why are you regarding it as 'household debt'?

Because it doesn't have his name on it. Simply put, if we have household outgoings of say 3000, he puts in 1000 (but could put in at least 1200 ) then those 200 over 4 years would have created savings... So we wouldn't be £4k in debt (as that would have paid for it).

Whose name is the debt in?

Mine and his. But all the debt in those cards is joint/household debt

The first thing I would do is go through your monthly outgoings with your DH, so he realises how much actually goes towards essential bills
If you're taking on the mental load( and I would be resentful too)
Especially as you're earning 75k
He maybe is choosing to remain oblivious. His attitude to money seems off especially knowing you're a family of 6
It's really unfair that you don't feel you benefit from your income although obviously it is joint income
As the debts are in his name, you are not legally responsible so I would also reiterate the approach should be joint
I would prioritise the interest free debt, otherwise you will be literally throwing money away
I think I would reduce payments by £100 per month which would still allow meals and cinema
I repeat,,, He needs to be fully aware of the monthly incomings and outgoings and agree a joint approach.

Cross posted that the debt is in joint names, not that it makes any difference.
I do hope you're able to alleviate the mental load soon. It's very draining

This seems less about debt and more about issues of balance in the relationship. You can clearly afford some "me" money if you do slightly fewer meals out etc. Your DH should be carrying the debt pain and if he isn't I would want to take a real look at that as a couple

However, I would definitely still get that debt gone asap for so many reasons.

And have a long hard look at the climate change threads before convincing yourself you "need" endless new gadgets. No one does.

He's very much oblivious to debt / outgoings he just is and that won't change (which is why I almost divorced him).

My ex husband was bad with money. He thought this was ok because “I told you I was bad with money from the start”. It was me who took on the mental load of balancing bills and trying to out his debt (when it was clear it was having an effect on family finances). It’s utterly exhausting to have a financially incompetent partner.

In the 4 years we’ve been apart, I’ve cleared all my debts and have some small savings. My credit score is now good/excellent. It is SO good to not have to worry about debt anymore.

For household purchases, I’ve got a “catalogue”. So things like the vacuum and airfryer were bought on buy now, pay 12 months later. In the past, I’d miss the deadline to pay and would be hammered with extra interest. Now I’m on my own and in charge of my finances, I’ll buy what I need and pay it all off well in advance of the deadline. Perhaps, if you do decide to reduce your credit card payments, you could buy in instalments so you can have the gadgets you want, whilst still making repayments (one gadget at a time!)

Ultimately, being debt free, having financial independence and some savings has made me happier than my smart watch ever has. I suspect your real issue is resentment rather than wanting stuff.

Don't do it. Keep the DD set at the amount you need to chest it by Jan 23. It's only 6 months. You can do it! You'll feel so much better.

It's not only 6 months it's about 8-9 (taking Xmas into consideration).

Reading your replies, it’s pretty obvious you only wanted people to tell you to ditch the higher repayment and treat yourself.

Have you got anything out of this thread?

Some posters did get that what I feel is resentment (and the splurging on myself is the outlet).

Have you told him how you feel? Because if you have, and he understood, it's not the debt he's oblivious to; he's made sure the debt is being paid off. The debt is doing just fine.

It's your feelings he's neglecting. Have you put it to him like that? Could you put it to him like that?

I think with 0% debt the advice generally is
to prioritise savings as the debt isn’t costing you any money in interest and with inflation the value will decrease over time. However, personally if I could pay it off in under a year and be debt free (without massively compromising my lifestyle) I would.