Controlling Inheritance

[NameChange5643]

One of my GP’s recently passed away. My P whose parent is was has been sorting out the inheritance - I have received around 10K worth.

P asked what I would spend it on - just a general conversation I thought - however they then started saying how they would hold onto it and if I send them the invoice then they will pay it off for me. I didn’t want to spend all my money on this though, and wanted to keep some back for savings and bits and pieces.

I feel really awkward having a conversation about money, especially after a bereavement. There was no official will - these were only the verbal wishes of GP because I am the only grandchild, so I feel like I don’t have much of a leg to stand on?

How should I handle this? Does P have a say on how it is spent? They said they don’t want me to waste it - which I wouldn’t anyway - but I’m a 32 year old woman so surely even if I did, it’s nobody else’s business anyway?!

You aren’t getting the money so I think you need to decide how to move forward.

You GP didn’t leave a Will so that’s that. They’re wishes are irrelevant in legal terms.

Your parent has likely stolen from them and the money isn’t there.

So you decide your course of action.

You could report then to the police. You could confront your parent. You could do both and sever ties.

But you aren’t getting the money.

*Their wishes

ffs

My Aunt was leaving 1k to each niece and nephew. This was in the 1970’s so was at the time a decent amount. My Mum bought an entire house for 4k in 1972. Anyway she changed her will and said she knew her children would give us all something. Of course they didn’t, she lived till 94 and only died 5 years ago.

Get quotes for the building work, just make sure they pay you the money before the work commences if you don’t trust them.

An ugly green washing machine "chosen", for you?

Yes @RockandRollsuicide & to this day I have absolutely no idea why she chose a dark green one

It was worse than that TBH, as I hit a problem buying a flat, in that I couldn't get a bridging loan released to replace derelict or non existent, kitchen, bathroom etc. it was years ago & my new address turned out to be blacklisted. For the first time in my life I asked them for a loan for a few months & was refused. This meant I had to move into a flat with no bathroom, kitchen etc at all & replace it with no money at all. A very difficult 4 months or so that could easily have been avoided. She bitched like hell about my aunts & uncles doing as grandad had wanted & sharing out the inheritance though & bought fir herself & then gave to my my DB a whole new houseful of furniture & appliances... non of which were bloody dark green. It killed what was already a difficult relationship tbh

Sorry your grandparent has passed away.
Sorry they didnt leave a will.....because as they didnt, you are not entitled to a penny.

Your grandparents money goes to their children in equal shar- thats the law of intestacy

One of them is gifting you , you think, around 10k. I think thats pretty generous myself. They are gifting it to you to payfor something specific, and i would be grateful.

i really dont think its appropraite to say ''just give me the money and i'll spend it on what I want''

Rocking, how atrocious!

I am not surprised it killed the relationship.
I know someone else who is extremely controlling like that with other people's money 💰.

However, you had that extremely difficult experience and it seems like you managed to solve the issues without her help? Doesn't that feel empowering and amazing??

Jessbpow...they aren't gifting her though!!

As you have already mentioned i suspect the money is no longer there and would be concerned if you had the work on the house done on the premise you would get the money back on presentation of an invoice you wouldnt see anything and as it wasnt a legal will you dont really have much of a leg to stand on. As others have suggested try the stocks route but i dont hold out much hope afraid. Good Luck OP

You gp never left a will so the inheritance is your parents. The POA thing is crap and shouldn't have happened, it will be difficult to prove and the money would have gone to them anyway so probably not worth pursuing.

You need a blunt conversation with your parents to see if they are going to respect gp unoffical wishes and ask for the money to be transferred. You can't do anything else if they say no other than draw a line under it and reconsider your relationship with them.

Tell your family to write wills!

Yes they are, she is not entitled to any part of late grandparents estate.

if they are not GIFTING it to her, what are they doing?

I don't find it odd to leave an estate to your children with a small request to your grandchildren. I do find it odd that you said you'd be unhappy if your parents didn't do it this way and left more to their grandchildren, which i some they'd do as they'd benefit more. I really wouldn't care less if my mum/grandparents decided to reduce my share/cut me out to give to my kids.

Presumably you have a good relationship with your parents and don't need the money yourself then? You maybe also have either no siblings or siblings with less children of their own.
You only have to spend a small amount of time on here to see how leaving money outside the norm (to your own children) can be ...

• hurtful.
• perceived as unfair (one 'side' gets more as they have more grandchildren)

As we can see from this post, the grandparent decided to let her adult child decide what to do with the inheritance. Following the usual pattern of things.

That is controlling and it is not how building works. Tell them you need to have control of your budget and to be able to disperse tranches as you supervise. And you can ask bluntly why they think the alternative is better. See whether they can find an answer.

get them to buy you 10K of premium bonds with YOUR NAME ON THE ACCOUNT, then you can take the money out later, they wont know

You GP didn’t leave a Will so that’s that. They’re wishes are irrelevant in legal terms.

This. If they wanted to leave you a share they needed to make a will to do so.

'No thank you, just transfer the money over'

I think you need to forget this money. It's not an inheritance, it's your parent's money. £10k is very generous but it doesn't sound like you're going to see a penny of it. I would be reluctant to have any building work done because the invoice may not be met by your parent.

It’s a gift from your parent not an inheritance from your grandparent. They can decide how they want to pay it, you can decide whether to accept.

If you think they’ve actually spent it, not much you can do.

You were left nothing and are entitled to nothing.

Your parents are offering to pay for some building work for you out of their inheritance. That's pretty generous of them. I'd thank them for their kindness and take them up on their offer.

If your grandparent had wanted you to have some of their money, they would have made a will or protected money legally in a trust. Instead they chose for all of their estate to pass to their children, your DP. It's now entirely your DP's money and up to them what they wish to spend it on. You don't have any entitlement whatsoever to a single penny.

If your grandparent had wanted you to have some of their money, they would have made a will or protected money legally in a trust. Instead they chose for all of their estate to pass to their children,

From my experience that is not necessarily true. In my GFs case he told all of us grandkids "there's money there for you, your Ma/da will see you right as I've left to them for ease & I've asked them to share it out" I was more interest in GF than his money ofc, but he trusted his kids to do the right thing... they all did bar my DM

No legal will = No leg to stand on.

This is why people should have proper, legal wills drawn up.

My dm did similar, although she had a will, but left everything to me, with a list of "gifts" to distribute. Obviously I did this, but legally I didn't have to.

You can't rely on the morals of people when money is involved, sadly