Tidy bedroom expectations

[HeleenaHandcart]

I’ll narrow it to about age 5 (when they are independent more) and 15 (not yet adults). Toddlers and adult children are excluded.

Children’s bedrooms:

Yanbu- I expect at least a vaguely tidy space

Yabu- It’s their space to manage as they wish, I don’t set rules

I’m no Mrs Hinch but I expect a tidy-ish space, eg having clothes for the next out is fine on a chair. Dumping a pile of clean and tidy clothing in a pile or scattered isn’t fine, dirty underwear is very not ok. Book out is fine, many books scattered is not fine. Toys out being played with are fine, all the toys out and mixed up not fine. Generally it’s kept reasonably easy to tidy as it’s kept ok, no food, nothing is stored in a way were it will be damaged or lost. I will help my children have a sort out every now and then or if it gets on top of them (they are kids and learning, I’m not a monster or that fussy), but the day to day expectation is they look after it themselves- I am no servant. It’s also tidy.

I thought I was really average (my children range from 6-26 and I’ve not really changed expectations or had fuss with the rules over the years). However among my friends and people I meet I’m starting to think I’m the outlier.

I’m wondering if I am out of touch…?

I expect it not to be a biohazard.

This.

Floordrobe and RoomOfDoom here.

I'm not bothered as long as the door's shut and there's no plates/rotting food/cups

I think after a certain age (10?) it's entirely the kid's responsibility.
A lot of wasted mental energy goes into trying to get kids to tidy their bedrooms. They need to learn personal responsibility.

But surely the way they learn that responsibility is by clear expectations and being called up on it if those expectations are not met?

Clean enough not to attract. Close the door and the shit is for their eyes only

You're entirely reasonable. When children aren't used to expectations around keeping a tidy bedroom as children it tends to be fairly unpleasant for their future flatmates once they fly the nest and head off to university or a career.

It depends what you class as reasonable as that will be different for everyone.

I do expect dd to keep her room tidy, change her bed (when she was young she had to strip it) take plates and cups out (I don't mind her eating in her room) and when she was younger I gave her specific tasks to do like - strip your bed, tidy up, polish and vacuum on a Saturday morning. I like Saturday morning cleaning. Bow she's 16 she does all of that off her own back but it does get messy sometimes. It doesn't ever get to the point where you open then door and it smells but at times there are a pile of plates and dirty washing strewn everywhere. I don't tend to get involved anymore as she doesn't like her bedroom being messy anymore. It was hard work 11 - 14 but now it's not. It's like teaching your little dc to tie their own shoes, fustrating and you know you can do it so much quicker.. but it pays off in the long run and life is easier.

Yes this - dirty plates, clothes, wet towels, food left around - no. They have to strip their beds and make sure carpets and surfaces clear the day our cleaner comes.

The rest of it I don’t care about much.

If it gets really messy I might storm in with some binbags and say if it doesn’t get tidied up everything goes in the bin. But that doesn’t really happen much.

As long as it’s just mess that’s fine, no rotting food and crockery.

I expect plates/mugs to be placed in sink and not have mould growing. Worn clothes in washing basket.
Otherwise expect them to shut the door, because I don’t care.

I’m exactly the same as you! Need to be able to Hoover round without destroying anything too!

I don’t insist on bed made but Dd likes to do it (mostly not as neatly as I would but I’m just glad she’s taken it upon herself to do, I didn’t ask her to). She’s 5.

incidentally DDs room is the most consistently tidy room in the house and that’s because there is enough storage, and so everything has somewhere to live. Yes there’s usually toys out that are being played with, various “creations” around as well as ordinary mess like hair bobbles and bracelets strewn about o. Top of her drawers. But tidy by your check list (and mine).

DS is only 2 and his room is tiny so will eb more of a challenge. Need to get super duper floor fo ceiling fitted wardrobe in before we take the sides off his cot! (Otherwise he will just keep getting out of his bed to play. We can use bottom part of wardrobe for toy storage when we have it). Anyway I digress. YANBU at all

Ps I have a no eating upstairs rule. I don’t eat in my bedroom and nor will the kids. Then we definitely won’t have mouldy plates in there

Total ban on food upstairs. Other than that DD had to sort her own room since secondary. I don't go in there.

Mine are 6 and 9, and I expect them to tidy up themselves. However, I don't expect it to be tidy at all times, the deal is that it has to be tidy when we check on Saturday lunchtime, and it's up to them whether they keep it neat through the week or tidy up on Saturday morning. We have recently had to reassess storage needs, and I help occasionally clear out old clothes and toys, as they were both finding it hard to put things away when there just isn't anywhere appropriate to put it all.

Mine are 9 & 11 (but with some SNs)

I expect dirty clothes in the laundry box.
A passable path around the room.
No biohazards (we mainly eat at the table, they can have water at night)
Space to sleep

Putting clean clothes away is a bit of a battle

They've got fairly easy rooms to maintain and I changed DS2's bed to get rid of the awkward dead spaces where clutter crawled off to amass which makes life much easier for all.

I can blitz them in 30-60 mins and they do increasingly keep it tidier after.

The creep of their possessions around the house is another matter...

They do the dishwasher- they unload a shelf each and have to load their half of the table. DS1 needs consistent expectations, but building a routine is a slog.

Their rooms,their concern
I just make sure the doors are shut

I mostly agree with you. Although I will confess to being secretly glad when there are books and magazines all in various stages of being read strewn around. I only move these/enforce tidiness of these once a week or so.

My DS is 5
He makes his bed each morning, he strips it on a weekend (and I make it with fresh)
I expect a tidy floor when I hoover on Saturday , so all toys and books away, but any other time the door is shut.
However he can't have friends over if his room is a tip , so generally it is tidy

My room was never tidy as a child but I make sure my boys rooms stays reasonably tidy. I think it's important they learn to keep organised and clean and to respect their belongings. It's taken me a long time as an adult to get on top of cleanliness so it's a skill I want them to have from an early age

I like floors and surfaces clear. Generally leave them to it unless we have visitors.

@user143677433 the way I see I see it they need to take responsibility for their own mess/life. I'm not going to be there nagging them when they go to uni/in later life. They should keep their rooms clean for themselves, not for me

I'm like you and will impose those rules on anyone in the house.

Oldest DS has been doing this since approx age 7

Washing brought down
Rubbish brought down
Any cups or plates returned to kitchen each night/morning
No clothes across floor etc
Make bed (I strip and put new bedding on)

DD's room was the cause for a huge amount of stress.

I try picking my battles now.

I hope she changes when she gets older there is a limit to what I can do as she has extra needs but I fear she'll never learn to organise or tidy her space.

I just have to keep trying to teach her.