Strategic incompetence

[Animallover87]

On holiday abroad. Yesterday we ran out of Sun cream. In shopping centre, I needed the loo so I asked DH to get sun cream and I'd meet him back outside the shop in 5 mins.

Just sat down on loo and got a text - 'i don't know what factor to get. You'll need to come and help me."

I replied with " that's strategic incompetence."

Lo and behold he manages to get factor 30 (what I wanted) for our pale British skin.

I am so determined not to fall into the trap of doing everything or carrying the mental load - we don't even have kids yet!

So I've started pointing it out anytime it happens! Can anyone relate?

Ha ha, well done. They know what they’re doing. Sun cream is such a silly one to pretend not to know about- all he had to do was get the same factor that you were already using, or read the labels!

You're on a good footing there OP, keep up the good work!

I wish I had demanded more competence from DH when the kids were younger - it's less of an issue now but I shouldn't have carried so much of the weight.

I'm just so determined not to be the one in charge all the time, lol. He's 38 FFS 🤣

Yes, my mother does this. She’s perfectly capable of filling her own car up with petrol or topping up the tyres with air but she always gets my dad to do it because he ‘knows about cars’.

Let him get things wrong, don’t get cross and make sure ask him to do things again, straight away. It’s the only way they learn. I’m sure my DH fucks things up on purpose so I never ask him again.

@NightmareSlashDelightful just realised I'm guilty of this too! There's a whole tonne of tasks I refuse to learn anything about. 😮

If you wanted 30 why not just ask him to get 30 - why did he have to try to guess what was in your head?

I love that phrase!

And yes, plenty of examples from DH. Usually around things like loading the dishwasher.

He'll say "you'll only complain that I do it wrong." Ummm, well.....if you've put two bowls in on top of each other, and a plate that jams the spinners, then turn round and tell me you think the dishwasher's full already, then yes, you might have done it wrong. But it's not difficult to do it right, FFS! Don't just do a crap job so I'll take over. <fumes>

If he could text wanting help surely he could have just asked what factor would be best? Anyway well done for calling him out on it.

Haha I think we’re all a bit guilty of it occasionally.

It's more the fact that... How did I know what factor to get... and he couldn't figure it out? What if i was just as confused?

(Not the first time something like this has occurred - I booked insurance and covid tests so asked him to book airport parking and he wasn't sure which one to book)* *

Nice work OP! I have to say that my DM and DF were like this - but roles reversed. DF did everything (cooking, shopping, choosing, banking) she didn't want to do anything. I found this out to my cost when DF died and she expected to be waited on hand and foot and wouldn't even get a prepared sandwich out the fridge for her lunch!

Nice one 👌How would you have responded if he hadn't done it how you would have?

I knew this would be about a fully grown man 😆

Does he not know what Google is?

That's an excellent question, I really don't know actually! I don't want to micromanage him but I suppose it depends how far wrong he was - factor 20 fine, factor 5 oil maybe a different story lol

Why are you dating a manchild instead of an adult?

Men really are the most ridiculous idiots.

Do they think women are just born with such knowledge.

I want to smack collective men in the testicles at times. Sorry if that's harsh, it's just too bloody hot, and we're expected to do everything. Absolute muppets.

I still think, 'I don't know what factor to get' is entirely excusable. If he expected you to rush back though, rather than saying, 'I want factor 30 please', then he's being a dick.

Personally I'd have then bought the one I wanted and made him use the one he's bought 😁 he'd soon learn which factor was best

I'm not dating him - we are married! He's great in all other ways and I'm doing my best to stamp out the occasional manchild behaviour as I think he's at it 😂

@happinessischocolate I like your style

Speak for yourself. There's nothing appealing or attractive about incompetence, strategic or otherwise.

Not about a man, but my ex boss. Apparently she lost the ability to type while doing collaborative work. I had to do all the "computer" work because she was so computer illerate...strange how she managed it when by herself.

She had a huge turnover of staff. They lasted at most 2 years (often months) because of high expectations coupled with her inability to carry out her own demands, doubling our workload.

The most gob-smaking moment was when she put a pen in my hand to make me write a number for her.

I read that other thread about strategic incompetence and was going to comment but thought actually i cba.
No I don't have a husband that does that because I just don't stand for it, simple as. How people let their partner pull this shit just absolutely baffles me.

I trained mine out of mild SI. I can tell you how you respond if he buys factor 5 oil - "oh thank you darling but my skin will burn if I use this so I'll go and get my own factor 30" and you make him use the one he bought. Whatever stupid decisions he makes, you cheerfully make him live with. Call his bluff and make him suffer the consequences of his faux "incompetence".

Mine started to think for himself extremely quickly when it was him at the centre of it all ("do i want to burn to a crisp? No i do not" "do i want to eat crappy meals all week because I didn't write a list before going to the shops? No i do not" )