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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cried at work… again

50 replies

WaterWorky · 19/07/2022 22:05

Im going through a very difficult time at work just now. Trying to resolve issues I’ve had with being bullied. A lot of blame is being placed on me with little concern for finding out what actually happened. Bully and manager are pals. They’ve closed the ranks and I have no chance.

im mortified that again I have cried during a meeting at work. Help!!

HR and union no help. Lots of pressure not to formalise.

but here I am again feeling so embarrassed

OP posts:

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 19/07/2022 22:10

In sorry this has happened to you,

Can you take a deep breath and try to explain what’s happening what made you cry today, before, and who you’ve spoken to about it? There would have been witnesses so all is not lost.

Original poster

WaterWorky · 19/07/2022 22:12

They honestly don’t care. This was with my boss trying to give my account. I wish I never raised the issue.

OP posts:

audacityofpoo · 19/07/2022 22:13

Sending hugs OP. Sounds like a horrid situation. It's ok to cry at work; I'm a manager and have a) had a lot of people cry on me and listened to understand why and b) have had cried a few buckets myself. Sounds like you could do with someone independent to talk to - do you have an employee assistance programme or could you do steps to well-being? Take care

Hawkins001 · 19/07/2022 22:15

All the best, op, as for assistance, what about writing down your concerns and using the notes ?

Original poster

WaterWorky · 19/07/2022 22:19

Thank you. I have a few ways of getting support and have used them. It’s helpful in the moment but not effective with the actual issue. I’m lost. I feel so needy and insecure. This isn’t me.

OP posts:

Original poster

WaterWorky · 19/07/2022 22:21

Desperate not become unwell with this again and appreciate a hand hold.

OP posts:

OhGoodnessItsSoExhausting · 19/07/2022 22:33

I personally think the only way to manage workplace bullies is to leave. I know that sounds defeatist, but grievance procedures, HR processes etc.. never end well for the victim.

Can u just leave OP?

heartbroken22 · 19/07/2022 22:34

If it's really bad why don't you leave for your own sanity? This happened to my sister and I told her to get the fuck out of there. Just for her own sanity and mental health. She found a job elsewhere and she's happy now. I hope you're okay. Nobody should be allowed to treat you like this.

RainCoffeeBook · 19/07/2022 22:36

You just need to leave. Start looking for something else. None of it will change. Mentally check out.

Cherrysoup · 19/07/2022 22:37

Formalise it, what do you have to lose? Don’t be afraid of them, OP, bullying in the workplace is disgusting.

Mariposista · 19/07/2022 22:38

bullying at work is absolutely awful. I left a job 5 years ago where I was bullied to the extent I developed a serious thyroid condition triggered by the stress, and my MH was rock bottom. I am doing a job I love now. Please find alternative employment OP asap and put these nasty people behind you.

Fluckle · 19/07/2022 22:41

Can you write it all down. Firstly, for your benefit - doesn't matter about grammar and spelling or readability, just get all of it out. Then either edit that version or start again laying it out more clearly. Show someone you trust to make sure it's all clear. You could then email your HR department with it or a solicitor, depending on which will be more appropriate for your issue.

Massive hugs though, and I've never said that in years of being on here. It's absolutely shit when you're so upset you can't get your point across and the systems are against you.

Sittingonabench · 19/07/2022 22:41

I hate to agree but the quickest way out (for your own personal benefit) is to leave. If it hasn’t developed too far then they may try and help you to get out. It doesn’t address the rot which is problematic but your priority has to be yourself.

PinkButtercups · 19/07/2022 22:42

Remember you don't owe your work your soul. You don't sign your soul over in your contract.

It's easier said than done but try not to let the bully get to you. Cannot stand the bullies in the work place, always seem to cozy up with the manager also. Is there anyone higher up you can go to?

Agapornis · 19/07/2022 23:09

I had the same, after 8 months of trying to resolve it (no hr, they didn't want to formalise) I quit.
Guess what? They radically changed the job description and gave what was my role to the bully.

Get out asap, it's not worth it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 19/07/2022 23:44

You really have nothing to lose now.

Make a plan to get out;
Take a friend with you to any future meetings;
Negotiate to leave with a settlement... or you'll stay (even if you won't);

Don't make it easy for them. I'm so sorry, it's really crap. It's not forever though and you will get through it. Do you have a friend that you can make a game-plan with?

Original poster

WaterWorky · 20/07/2022 16:36

I’ve done it. I’ve left. Awaiting response but what a sense of relief. I’m frightened of the response but did what is right for me. Thank you all.

OP posts:

ShippingNews · 20/07/2022 16:43

Good for you, op. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Verbena1 · 20/07/2022 16:59

This happened to me many years ago. It was totally unexpected, I had never experienced anything like it. I tried to reason with the bully; I tried to ignore it. I tried in vain to get help from my manager. In the end I took a chance and applied for a job in a sector I would never have imagined working in, and the rest of my career was fine. At the time, I would not have used the term ‘bully’, because it really wasn’t part of how one thought about work, but it was soul destroying. What it taught me, and you need to focus on, is that the problem is with the bully, not with you, and that you deserve better. It is most unlikely that you will be able to change their behaviour, and moving on is not failure, it’s self-preservation. Good luck.

Heyisforhorses · 20/07/2022 17:12

Did you hand in your notice or walk out today? I would formalise and then go sick with stress. They need to be held accountable, I'm so sorry you have gone through this and don't dwell on crying, if you're crying about it you're at breaking point. Hugs to you x

hattie43 · 20/07/2022 18:15

Life's too short .

Even if you win any bullying tribunal what are you going to win , still work there ? No leave now with your head held high , no job is worth your sanity and bullies stick together .

heartbroken22 · 20/07/2022 20:17

Well done OP. Hope you have better luck in your next job.

Original poster

WaterWorky · 20/07/2022 20:22

Thank you. I have given my notice. 4 weeks left :) xx

OP posts:

GroggyLegs · 20/07/2022 20:26

I hope you feel like a weight has been lifted OP.
You don't need to be frightened of the response - what's the worst that can happen?

You're out of there!

GroggyLegs · 20/07/2022 20:26

Got any holiday left?

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