Cried at work… again

[WaterWorky]

Im going through a very difficult time at work just now. Trying to resolve issues I’ve had with being bullied. A lot of blame is being placed on me with little concern for finding out what actually happened. Bully and manager are pals. They’ve closed the ranks and I have no chance.

im mortified that again I have cried during a meeting at work. Help!!

HR and union no help. Lots of pressure not to formalise.

but here I am again feeling so embarrassed

OP, so happy for you. I stayed in a job I hated for years. Recently I heard a guy got trained in there and two weeks later he upped and left. I was so jealous of his bravery! Well done.

I'm so sorry OP. Having to work in an environment where people treat you badly can really make you feel, like you said, a shadow of your real self.

Hope you take time off and don't work the whole 4 weeks xx

Well done, I was bullied at work about 6 or 7 years ago and I was too chicken to say fuck you. I stuck it out and then they didn't pass my probation because I wasn't ''a good fit''. I got the silent treatment every day from the people I sat beside but I stayed polite. I should have ''honoured'' my self my telling them to fuck themselves. I thought you couldn't get job seekers if you chose to leave but they just disallow a few weeks I think

Ah well done!
Formalising anything against a manager (or their friend) would never work as they just up the bullying.
You have room for a door to open now.
Life will get better

Well done OP! You've done the best thing you possibly could for your health and wellbeing, and without that you have nothing.

I wish you every success in the future!

Honestly OP, get on Indeed and find a new job...life is far too short to put up with adults acting like 5th formers. Been there myself, believe me, finding a new job rebuilt my confidence so much. I now have a boss worth far more than the arrogant prices I had before. I'm doing so much better!

Prices?? PRICKS!!

I know there are things I could have done differently too but now I can’t help but think what if I’ve been too sensitive or hard to manage. I suppose that’s all part of the way I was made to feel. Did anyone else feel that way?

They made me feel completely incompetent but the reality was I had a proven history until they took the reins.
I could be bitter and twisted but it won't achieve anything so I'm letting it go. I'm happier away from the toxic environment.

Good to hear you have made a decision to liberate yourself. Don't let them make you feel guilty (that's a trick narcissists use). I'd suggest keeping a diary of events between now and when you leave so that you have written evidence in case you need it. You need to consider who will be writing a reference for you for a new job.

Seeing your post has just made me realise that I haven't cried at work for a year and a half. Which is exactly the amount of time since I left my old job where I cried about once a fortnight! Work is not worth such unhappiness.

OP congratulations on your decision, it is often the only way.
In your shoes i would write down what happened, and how you think they should have handled it. If you have an exit interview you can hand it over, instead of telling them. If you don't you can email it to your boss with cc to HR and possibly your union rep.

Good luck for the future!

Good for you!!!

If you can do without references and don't want to go back strongly suggest asking to be allowed 'gardening leave' so you don't have to go back or getting Dr to sign you off sick so you don't need to work the notice period.

On another note a work coach talked me through NLP approach of trying to visualise someone really strong when I started to get emotional, well up and/or start to cry at work - my go to is Kate Adie (as was the coach's). Thinking about whether Kate would cry or not in any given circumstance would generally make me realise that my current situation wasn't worthy of my tears. Still use it now, it helps a lot!

CongratsOP for leaving. I had a similar situation and as the advice you have been given to just leave. It isn't worth the stress of HR. My HR did nothing did just enough to make let think they would do something but ultimately they were just as toxic as the main culprit and he was protected.

I think you made the right choice that level of stress can make you sick and I think it has effected my health.

Don't feel guilty or like you are hard to manage or it is your fault. I had the exact same thoughts and it's how they treated you that makes you lose confidence, self esteem. I left that job feeing completely inept and incompetent despite outperforming everyone on my team consistently with the appraisals to prove it. It really knocked my confidence despite the evidence to the contrary. You are not the problem they are.

Best of luck for the future!

And now you go off sick with stress. Get paid. Use these four weeks to find something bigger and better. Fuck them!

I've just been in this situation, it is soul destroying and I'm so glad you've escaped.

Go off sick. Make sure your reason is work related stress.

Made up for you OP, life’s far too short and precious to waste on scum like that. Remember they’ll never be happy because deep down they know they can’t trust each other and they might be on the receiving end themselves one day. Fly high and leave those losers behind. Best of luck to you.

You shouldn't have left
You Should have stepped up op
Kicked their ass. Would have been way more satisfying.
People only bully an easy target because they know they can get away with it unfortunately

if someone is being bullied to the extent that they cry at work, their union and HR and other managers are trying to get her to drop it all and just suck it up, @Marvellousmadness - what on earth makes you think OP is in a position to go in there and kick their arses?

Sometimes you have to put these things down to experience, write the review on glass door and hopefully bring it up at a (post references being given) exit interview. We all do what we have to do, but my mental health would have been much better over the years if i hadn't tried to suck it up and/or kick arses.

omg they are raging. Said I have never told them about this. That’s not true. I’m worried this will get turned round onto me somehow.

Well if you have spoken to HR - I think you said they were useless - there must be evidence you've raised this! Looks like they're not going to turn into reasonable people, but so what. You've a right to leave. Any annual leave to use up?

Go sick for the remainder of your notice. They’ll gaslight you in fear of you making a claim against them. Best thing I did was get the hell out of a toxic workplace. The bullies ‘won’ but my victory lies in being much happier, much better paid, with kinder colleagues, better opportunities for progression. I can’t believe I stayed so long in such an awful place. You are definitely better off out.

Just smile and nod until you get out. If you wanted to stay then it is worth arguing whether you said something or not, if you are happy to leave then head down and run when you can.

@WaterWorky what do you mean they are saying you haven't told them anything? HR are claiming you didn't raise anything to them?

Do you have your emails or notes? Does it even matter anyway it sounds like a nightmare place to work and whilst some people might say stay and fit the company and the rotten people if protected always have the upper hand. Don't forget that escalating is stressful and sometimes you don't need the stress.

Good for you for getting out!

I wouldn't work the notice period - go sick if you can, or just don't go in. Not much they can do, and if they'd sacked you there'd be no notice period!