Bit of a long one, sorry.
I am pregnant, due to get married soon and I’ve just had enough of my DP’s family.
For as long as I’ve known them (6years) it’s been super turbulent and dramatic. If there is no drama or upset, they will create it, particularly MIL. They will fabricate things or do/say things which 99% of people would never do as they would know they’d be inflammatory. Over the years I’ve been accused of having said or done all sorts by MIL in particular, which my DP has always believed and I’ve had to go to extremes at times to prove my innocence E.g. she joined a group which I was already a member of and told DP I had excluded her from meetings but she was never supposed to attend said meetings and I had to get superiors involved to prove this wasn’t true as DP had said I was bullying her. She said I’d called her a number of nasty names over email but then couldn’t back this up as it wasn’t true.
Recently, the drama has been too much/too frequent, and the most frustrating part is that she constantly lies and fabricates information to make things seem worse (?). DP has now started to realise this but still engages in the drama and is often exasperated by it. Another big issue is that she says very peculiar, inflammatory things to me and DP. We recently announced that we were having our baby to be met with a story about how she miscarried a baby at 20 weeks and it was horrific (last time we heard the story it was a 12 week loss so who knows) ….. when she is aware this is my first successful pregnancy almost 2 years after an ectopic that saw me go into cardiac arrest and have to be resuscitated. Everyone else just congratulated us and said how happy they were as they know we’ve been through a tough time TTC/with my health and health anxiety since what happened last time. (Also, regarding my ectopic and cardiac arrest she told me and DP that Cardiac arrest happens to loads of women who lose babies and that it’s very common and that it wasn’t anything to be concerned about. All my consultants at the time and everyone I’ve seen since with this pregnancy have clarified this is complete BS but DP believed it at the time so wasn’t as supportive as he could have been. He now realises it was very rare and could have been fatal and is a concern in this pregnancy too).
I have distanced myself by removing myself from group chats and no longer visit their house or see them in external settings. They do not visit us at all. DP is finding this very difficult and is not handling this well. Whilst my MH is better for this as I’m not longer being spoken down to or having strange things said to me, DP does not get why I can’t be around them anymore. He thinks this is just what families do.
Today is DP’s birthday and he has gone for a meal with them. I said I did want to attend when he told me about it on the weekend as I really cannot bear to be around them and he said that was fine, although he was disappointed. This has however now turned into a bit of a row because he thinks I should support him on his birthday. I disagree because he’s been made very aware of the years of shit I’ve put up with to be with him and that I’ve grown tired of it.
So AIBU or is it fair enough?
YANBU - they sound difficult and it’s better for your MH if you don’t have a relationship with them
YABU - DP is right and you should put up with them for his sake