DS is 3 years old (since June).
He is intelligent, active, curious but he is also very stubborn and constantly pushing boundaries and misbehaving.
I read a lot of books and tried to implement a lot of gentle solutions. I try to be consistent but also caring and open to listen and understand.
But he is starting now to have a lot of tantrums. More or less everyday. He does better when he is with me, with DH it is a bit crazy.
Tantrums can last several minutes, with non stop screaming and crying. tantrums are always "issue related". Meaning that he consistently cries for a specific thing from start to finish.
Daycare thinks he is doing fine and with a normal development, but today he was out with DH and SIL and he had a big tantrum, and SIL suggested they are not normal anymore at 3 years old - and we should speak with a specialist.
AIBU to think tantrums could be also part of normal development? Or do you think something is strange?
AIBU?
SIL thinks DS's tantrums are not normal
Annaritanna · 19/07/2022 15:55
Am I being unreasonable?
305 votes. Final results.
POLLEV117 · 19/07/2022 18:08
Stated in OP that he only turned 3 in June. He doesn’t need to learn to deal with his emotions alone at 3 years old, or ever in fact.
A temper tantrum is not just a display of emotions though - it’s a boundary pushing exercise. The extent of the tears and screaming is not indicative of the level of distress. A child may want a particular cup that is unavailable, get tearful and cry. Another might be in the same situation and start screaming blue murder about it. They are both equally distressed - one is pushing boundaries. A three year old is old enough to learn that feeling sad over a cup is of course ok, so is crying, but screaming aggressively over a cup is not.
Annaritanna · 19/07/2022 21:17
DH is unfortunately the opposite, which i agree works really bad for our DS.
He engages in the tantrum, trying to stop it instead of letting it steam off.
Meaning saying:
Stop immediately - i am not listening to you - i give you 3 seconds to calm down
You get the idea
It drives me son MAD
I will try to discuss with him implementing the "singing/chatting away" method read here on the pages
Marvellousmadness · 20/07/2022 08:04
Maybe a good time to give up on "gentle solutions" ..
Why sit on the floor with a tantrumming kid???? That makes him think it is good behaviour. He gets attention for being bad.
Tantrums at that age within reason are ok. Not all the time and for no reason.
He might lack the intelligence to be able to vocalise what he needs to say. He needs to learn a thing or 2 id say. Stop enabling his behaviour.
InChocolateWeTrust · 19/07/2022 21:19
I never gave in to my kids but why would you ignore a child in such distress
Because that level of distress over a missing cup is a crazy overreaction and they to learn that's it's not socially acceptable behaviour.
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wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 19/07/2022 20:29
I never reacted to tantrums. You cannot reason with such a young child whose having a tantrum.
Cuddling them confirms to them that they'll get the attention they need to get what they want.
It'll pass. Be firm.
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