Or is my husband? (Drinks after work)

[Rishiscreditcard]

I've been at home all day with a sick toddler (diarrhoea). It's been 38 degrees outside and I've been inside all day as toddler sick and too hot for her out there. All day at home and no planned activities. DH picks this day to go for drinks after work and skip DD bedtime. He says it's important because they won a big project and as one of the team leaders he can't be seen not to.

Would you be fed up or AIB a grump because my days been shit?

If this isn't a normal occurrence, I think you need to just deal with it.

Yabu although he’s the one with a hangover in 38 degrees tomorrow so you can be smug then

I'd be fed up, but also understand and try not to be shitty.

The balance is hard. As long as it's normally ok, you gotta take the rough with the smooth.

If it was me, I'd take the toddler up to my bed, get the fans on, some cold towels,.cold drinks and camp out with the athletics on, it's soothing TV noise, that you can doze to or get completely into.

Hope the toddlers better soon.

Absolutely crap timing, but depending on industry that can be a really big thing (especially in the current climate). Similar with my DH when I was ill, secured a massive contract and took the team out to say Thankyou - I felt crappy home alone, but his team had been putting hard slog in for months to win the contract and definitely deserved the meal out.

Can you get some light relief via takeaway for tea and a chilled something?

could you cope without him? Did he ask you if you’re ok with this? What time did he come back?

He's not back yet. He often misses bedtime due to work anyway but today has been a particularly hard slog as he knows. He could have made it back to help with the busy bit round dinner and bath if no drinks.

Yeah I'll just have to suck it up. Just feeling grumpy as tomorrow will be a repeat of today - child at home all day with no planned activities, probs still sick and outside temp predicted 43

I can understand him going but I bet he's also secretly chuffed he's got a good excuse for a cold pint rather than a diarrhoea bedtime.

If your DD is asleep when he gets in walk right past him at the door, or car and say,
"I'll be back soon, I'm going for an evening walk to clear my head, back soon"

Tell him he's on next weekend (or whenever) so you can get a break xx

I get it OP. I'd be pissed off too, but really I think it's just one of those things.

If there was no real reason to go out and he just fancied a few drinks or if your dc was dangerously poorly, then yes, 100% you would be being reasonable, but as others have said, I think you need to just deal with this one and move on.

Hope your dc is feeling better soon 🙂

Your DH could have used the weather as an excuse to miss this, or days ago suggested moving the celebration.

If that is looked down upon, then perhaps time for him to look for another job.

I don't think he should have gone - on occasion I have gone to the pub, bought the first round and then gone home if my DS needed me.

Especially if he often misses the hard bedtime routine then not fair to go out for drinks when it's been a really hard day for you.

How was he supposed to know days ago his toddler would be ill?
Did they find out today they had won the contract?

Maybe reasonable to show his face for one drink but should then come back as even if past bedtime at that point a sick child will probably have unsettled sleep.

I would be fed up if I were you so don't think YABU

If your DH is a team lead I think he almost has to be there for drinks if they've won a big project. Sorry OP, I think you are being a bit UR. I do get you've had a horrid day though - could he compensate and you do something at the weekend for a few hours by yourself?

Sick kids are exhausting but if he doesn’t do it often I’d let it go.

What do you mean by planned activities? Given the illness and the heat I’d stick to surviving.

"He says it's important because they won a big project and as one of the team leaders he can't be seen not to."
Or - as one of the team leaders he should be setting an example by saying 'have a drink FOR me, my daughter is unwell and I really want to do bedtime with her today'.

What's with the "planned activities?" It's going to be hotter than hell. You should just stay home anyway.

This. Or if it's too late get him to do dinner Bath and bedtime tomorrow
You will be desperate for a break by then and it ought be a bit cooler.
Hope dd is better soon

It's shitty but I can see why your husband had to go. It's part of being a team member
Hope your LO feels better soon

YABU

You’ve been able to stay at home all day out of the heat whilst he’s been at work all day in the heat and you’re annoyed because you want a break - that’s pretty selfish.

I don’t understand why you’re upset that you’ve got no planned activities.
What activities would you normally do?

I would be happy staying indoors in this heat.
Let your baby just rest, there’s no need to plan any activities.

@Aquamarine1029 I just meant that the day is so much harder without planned activities and getting out in the morning and afternoon when you have a toddler. Being stuck indoors in a flat for a day is tough even when she's feeling her best.

Er, he's been in an air conditioned office and then an air conditioned bar. I've been in a boiling hot flat!

She’s probably lonely. Activities mean seeing other adults.

OP, it’s tough when they’re small. It usually gets much better. I think your husband could have bought the first round and then left but maybe he felt he couldn’t. You need some time off soon: don’t be arsey about tonight but be very clear you need a break asap, and then do something really nice for yourself, catch up with friends, get your needs met.

I hope tomorrow goes better than you expect.

Correction: DO be arsey if he deserves it! If he lets you do the bulk of the parenting even when he’s there too. I regret saying that!