Cheating

[Tilly8875]

If your partner has been on live sex web cams would you consider it cheating?

Wouldn't class it as cheating if he hadn't met up in person but I'd be disgusted.
It would definitely give me the ick and it would be over for me.
Porn is one thing but cam girls are live shows, I think with interaction with the viewer. 🤮
Plus he's paying to view, I assume that money could be better spent elsewhere?
I couldn't forgive it as it would just put me completely off him, it's just grim.
Hope you're ok

You have 100% put my mind at ease, thank you. My first thought was it was cheating and it's over.

But before I go absolutely bananas is 'flirt4free' and 'bongacams' a pay for thing? I've googled it at apparently it's a pay for view thing but just want to make sure. Thank you x

This would be a total dealbreaker for me. The point about whether its technically cheating or not is a complete red herring.

The point is that its grossly disrespectful to you and to women in general. He's paying to watch other women simulate sex. It's a massive insult to you, it suggests he is comfortable with paying for sex and it's a fairly short step from this to paying for prostitutes. He's also wasting money which could be far better spent on something else.

Raise the bar, raise your self worth and dump him.

I agree with previous posters - this isn’t behaviour you should somehow “endure”. This is a dealbreaker for many. You’re well within your rights of course.

Its hard to comment more though as this is out of context. What is he like ordinarily when it comes to sex together and are you happy with that? Are you both still having sex that you’re both happy with? Does he have a “porn” mentality to a lot of sex, and this is an increasing of that vertical and way of being?

I totally agree, it's unbelievably disrespectful to me. I've had people say to me, it's ok, it's not cheating, it's not an affair!!! Well to me it's cheating, extremely hurtful and unforgivable! ☹️

I don't think that the context of their sex life matters really. It's a insignificant detail.

It's not about him finding ways to meet his needs, (hello, right hand!) it's about him interacting with other women for sex, about him paying for sex and the secrecy around it.

And I absolutely would be throwing him out.

Well I thought everything was beyond excellent in the sex department!!

Sexual interaction with another person is cheating in my book, virtually or in person.

Some see web cams as an extension of porn but it's absolutely not! The difference is like watching a meeting on TV or being in a Teams meeting... you're there.

Why do you think you have to pay? I’m certainly not an expert but I’ve been on a site to have a look what it’s about and you didn’t have to pay anything. If you’re paying you’re making a choice to do that but you can watch for free with no interaction with the “performer” at all.

My DH did (or maybe still does who knows) but for me the interaction wasn't the problem, was the money spent.

I wouldn't consider this cheating, but I would consider it an issue that I dont l now of we would survive - regardless of if he paid or it was free.
And to be clear we have pretty flexible boundaries in our relationship, I.e. strip clubs, porn and only fans are all ok in moderation. With sex cams you may not be physically with them but you are still engaging in sexual activities 'with them'.

But are the websites I've put on here "pay" sites?? I'm so confused because I googled them and they say they are paying sites but I know he's going to say they are just porn sites. I need to be certain! Thank you everyone x

Why don't you try and sign up for one of the sites? You'll soon find out if it's free or not.

I actually did, and you do!! I'm an idiot x

I don't know the answer to this, but he could lie anyway and say free trial or watched in free mode, or something like that.

It feels extreme but you could ask to see his online banking - to see his reaction?Some would argue if you have to go to these lengths there's little foundation for a solid relationship. Good luck x

Also checked the bank. He's been using his company card and it's a payment called Stripe

Surely that would class as misconduct for his work? I'd imagine he could get in trouble for that.

It's his company.

Using his company card to keep the payments secret?
Nahhhh

Yes I would class it as cheating actually and wouldn't forgive them.

It's like the virtual version of seeing a prostitute to me. So no emotional relationship there, but if you'd be upset if he did what he did with someone he knew and would consider that cheating, then I don't see why it doesn't qualify just because the woman is a stranger.

regardless to me this would be really offputting and exploitative and I wouldn't want to be with a man who did this. Even if I didn't consider it cheating (which I personally would do).

I've just confronted him about, he has no idea what I'm taking about, even though I've shown him the evidence!!! So cross and frustrated

Of course he doesn’t and he will hold the line on this position until he no longer can deny it.

What do you want from him OP? Apologies and remorse? It’s not going to happen.

He doesn’t respect you and he isn’t about to start just because he’s been busted.

It’s up to you. Take back control

I've shown him his iPad with the black and white evidence on it. Still denying it., how????? Does he think I'm stupid. He's saying, I didn't look at that!!!!!