AIBU to expect DH to have tomorrow off work to look after DD due to covid.

[Wonderingmum77]

Last week my husband was Unwell all week. We put it down to hayfever.

Last night our DD (14weeks) had a temperature

this morning I work up feeling horrendous. DD still has temp. I done covid test and confirmed I have covid. Presuming DD does too.

all day I’ve been feeling worse and worse. Husband said that he’ll stay off work tomorrow but then was shitty. When I agreed he said “well that makes things difficult”. I really appreciate it makes life difficult but I genuinely don’t think I can look after DD. Family members can’t either look after DD as they care for older family members and can’t risk passing on COVID from DD.

Husband has been so shitty with me all evening for asking him not to work tomorrow?? DD isn’t herself, but is drinking and having wet nappies. Just has a temp and v moany.

i tried to feed DD today (FF) and we were both SO sweaty it wasn’t comfortable for either of us.

DH has made comments about how I’m being dramatic and need to pull myself together. I have temp of 40. Am vomiting and are very unwell.

DH has moaned how he’s going to get no sleep tonight? I do all the night feeds with DD as DH works, I do sympathise that DD is unwell but I genuinely look after our daughter rain or shine (well for 14 weeks)

DH said DD is going to get unwell more than this and I can’t expect him to drop everything each time. I do agree, but I honestly feel worse than any illness before?

AIBU to expect DH to have tomorrow (possibly Tuesday as well) off work to look after DD due to covid. Or shall I just ask DH to do night feeds so I can sleep & then look after DD tomorrow

Why is everyone saying yes he had a week off when OP hasn't been back to clarify either way?

Will you be a SAHP or go back to work after maternity leave? Now (or shortly after you’re feeling better) seems like an excellent time to discuss illness and how to handle it. Your DH is right that it’ll happen again.

If he took time off for himself last week he’s being a hypocritic not allowing you the same. However it also means he’s in a difficult position to have more time off.
That’s why you need to discuss how the whole family handles illness in the future.

I hope you feel better soon.

Absolutely agree with @CredibilityProblem - you wouldn't be asking him to take time off if the baby was ill but you were fine!

I really feel for you OP as I had similar but fortunately had outside help - I managed to catch COVID and Norovirus at the same time, and so did my then 7 week old baby. It was absolutely horrendous. I told DH under no uncertain terms that if my mum couldn't take the baby then he had to leave work as I was frankly unsafe to look after her. He would have had to close his place of work but was still prepared to do it (thankfully unnecessary). He then did all the evenings/nights/mornings for 3 days until I could function again.

Just as well he did as he came down with Noro just as I felt better, if he hadn't been so hands on while I was poorly I'd have left him still doing his half!

If you have a 40 degree temp I'd be arguing there's a safety issue here so he needs to step up. Even if that doesn't mean taking time off work because he genuinely can't, he at least needs to stop making you feel worse and take over 100% whilst not at work!

Ps hope you feel better soon

I would seriously be reconsidering the relationship. My dh would take the day off in a heartbeat and I wouldn't need to ask. He does have an understanding employer though and is largely wfh. In my job it is a lot harder to take time off for this sort of thing but I've learnt to be firmer over the years and tell them that I need to be off.

Considering your baby is 14 weeks you can't just lie on the sofa and leave her to play as is the normal advice on mumsnet for ill parents. So he might need to do a night-shift for the baby, bloody big deal,if baby is formula fed why isn't he doing his fair share anyway? I wouldn't be in a hungry to have any more kids with him put it that way.

I've been fortunate enough not to have knowingly had Covid. But did have flu when my children were a toddler and a baby.
It would have been dangerous leaving me alone with the children, I barely knew where I was. I was fortunately staying with my parents at the time because I wasn't capable of doing anything other thN feeding the baby when they laid her down in bed beside me. My husband was there too half the time... he always said it was a good job I managed to get ill when he was on leave!

Last year when DDs got Covid the first question his work asked (Army) was if I was ill too... if I had been he would have been sent home to isolate with us for 10 days. As I was well he couldn't come home for a couple of weeks.

Your husband just has to tell work you've all got COVID and he can't come in.

Obviously.

He is a parent too... you are incapacitated so its his JOB to step in a raise his own child while you recover, that comes above all else and if he thinks anything else he has his priorities completely fucking wrong.

Hi everyone.

Husband stayed in another room downstairs (live in a chalet bungalow) with DD as it’s much cooler so I got a full 9 hours. I feel a lot better this morning. So DH has gone to work.

to clarify, I’m not sure this constitutes as me needing to “rethink our relationship”. DH is a hard worker, he is a brick layer so works in a trade.

also he did not take any time off last week.

he’s going to do a half day, DD is sleeping more and only really waking to demand food so I think I can cope for a few hours.

we did have words this morning about why he would offer and then get pissy? Because if I was as unwell today as I was yesterday I genuinely couldn’t of looked after her. He apologised and said he felt conflicted as didn’t want to let down customers but then didn’t want to leave us. He also said he didn’t want too loose a days pay as things are quite tight with me being on Mat leave, but as I said I was unable to care for DD yesterday and if I was as unwell then we would have had to suck it up.

I said when I return to work if DD is unwell the expectation cannot just be for me to sort childcare. He agreed and said he was going to speak to his work about their procedures for taking time off when DD becomes unwell.

Pleased you had a good outcome after all @Wonderingmum77 and glad you're feeling a bit better. Well done for opening the conversation about looking after dc when they're sick and you're both working.

Good to hear you’re feeling a bit better and have found a way forward, plus have discussed future options.
needing time off (either parent) due to sickness of the child or parent can get very stressful. Thankfully mine are older now but we have had to find creative solutions in the past!

I've looked after a child while synchronised vomitting. And I still say yanbu. Felt horrendous with COVID. (Had it bad in 2020and looked after children while had low oxygen says and recently where I felt very fluey) definitely not unreasonable.