Was I being too overprotective

[lollipoprainbow]

Took my dd 10 and her friend to the beach today and they wanted to go in the sea. My dd is autistic and only has basic swimming skills while her friend is six months older and a very competent swimmer. The tide was in when we got there and the girls were happy paddling and sitting on the edge of the water then as the tide started to go out they got a bit bolder and went out a bit further. The waves were quite choppy as there was quite a sea breeze. My dd and her friend were having a good time catching the waves but I felt they were going out a bit far. Cue me screeching like a banshee at them to come back !! My dd said I ruined her afternoon as she was having so much fun. Was I being mean ?

Screaming like a banshee while they were jumping waves probably was OTT. Maybe you could have gone into the water near them to keep an eye on them?

Were they out of their depth? Was there a lifeguard? Were there other people in the water?

YABU

screaming like a banshee, how fucking embarrassing for you and your poor daughter

@ChateauMargaux I feel a bit silly now, I tried to go on in but my dd shouted at me to go back as I was embarrassing her. They weren't out of their depth but was scared a big wave would come and drag my dd under and she would not remember how to swim. There aren't lifeguards on the beach but loads of people in the water.

Why could you not have just told them nicely how deep you were comfortable with them going?

I don't think so. I can swim and am not afraid of the water at all, but as soon as kids are in the sea and it's a little choppy, I get incredibly nervous.

Well no because the sea can be dangerous obviously. But it’s fine to convey that in a firm and controlled manner.

Screaming at them was probably really embarrassing for them. Maybe you should have gone and had a quiet word. But I don’t think you can ever be to careful near the sea, conditions can change quickly and I’m always more cautious with other peoples children than my own as I don’t know how competent they are.

@Hellocatshome I tried they didn't listen and the waves were carrying them further.

So your solution was to embarrass her even further?

Next time it might feel safer to swim at a lifeguard beach

@hungupagain thanks that's my feeling too. @alphapie thanks for your super polite response

To be honest I probably would have done the same. I'm not a strong swimmer and terrified of the sea. Not saying that it wasn't unreasonable but I get it.

I'd get nervous having my kids too far in the sea as well no matter how competent swimmers they are.

I'd have a word with your daughter and maybe agree on some kind of signal between you that tells her that she really needs to listen NOW because otherwise the next step you'll take is banshee screaming.

Rather embarrassed than dead. You did the right thing 100%.

I would have done the exact same thing. I would rather scream like a banshee with her flange on fire than risk my child drowning.

It's a good job it wasn't an emergency because screaming like a banshee won't help. You should've called or motioned for them to come over calmly and explained you're concerned they're going too far out and tell them how far you'd like them to go at most. Embarassing a child will only make them less focused on the situation, it won't make them any safer.

@Carrieonmywaywardsun don't you think I tried that first ??

How deep did they go and how far did they have to go to get that deep?

If you were panicing while they were up to their waists 10 meters from you, that is a bit unreasonable
If they were chin deep, and 50 meters away, less unreasonable

If they didn't listen to you, they should have been told to come out of the water.

The sea can be very dangerous, especially if there’s a rip current (that you probably can’t see). People who aren’t strong swimmers have to be especially careful. My dad lost two friends who drowned in the sea when they were all teenagers, he managed to swim to shore. It happens very quickly and unexpectedly.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to be concerned about safety in the sea. Maybe talk to your DD about the dangers and how to deal with them.

I tried to go on in but my dd shouted at me to go back as I was embarrassing her

Rather embarrass her than watch her get pulled out to sea and drown.

If my kid shouted at me because i asked them not to go any deeper into the sea when they're a crap swimmer, they'd be sitting on the beach for half an hour at least until they remembered they don't get to shout at me.

Yanbu. The sea conditions can change in seconds and they could both be swept away.

I would be grounding her for a few days until she learns to respect the sea, and respect you

I got the impression that's what OP did though?

I'm a strong swimmer, lived by sea all my life. Kids are all strong swimmers. I wont let them go beyond knee/mid thigh if I'm not in the sea and then only up tummy. I'm very wary of them in the sea.

Iv seen how quickly adults can get dragged out or under

@Monoandsix correct