To be annoyed she made me move?

[Chandlerrice]

I’m quite new to the corporate world. On Friday suppliers took us out for lunch as they are trying to win a big deal with us.

We all sat down (long table not round) and when one of the women from the supplier side realised she would be sat at the end (next to me), she said “sorry Chandler I’m going to have to move you” - so I had to sit at the end and she had my seat.

Maybe I’m being sensitive but I feel as I’m in a junior role and maybe because I’m female she wouldn’t have done that to the manager there who happens to be male.

Can admin assistants make that level deciisions on big deals? Doubtful

But I would guess the manager can. So yes you will be treated differently

I don't know, did she NEED to move you? I mean was there a reason? Like she needed to talk to the people further up the table or something? If she was there to pitch something she presumably did need to talk to those more senior/be able to talk to most people and be more central to the group.

If she moved you for no practical reason YANBU. I would have asked her why before moving though. Don't just be bossed about without at least asking why!

You're new to the business and junior level so yes the supplier should sit with somebody more senior.

Why would she move you because you are female when she was female? Make no sense.

The point of the meal was an informal, it makes much more sense for her to be beside a decision maker. Siting between you both meant she was sat next to 2 people from your company rather than 1. The fact that you can’t see that properly goes hand in hand with her decision.

When business is discussed during the meal, the key stakeholders need to sit together. It isn't about you, it's just logistics of making sure all the conversations can happen that are needed. Sometimes it's easiest if the juniors get moved to each end and another time you might find the seniors are at one end. Possibly your boss had already poured a drink or something that committed them to a seat, or there were a few people needing to be included so the middle of the table was the only way to make it work. Same way as in workshops you might be asked to go into specific teams, or your boss might ask you to follow up with the supplier at your level while s/he talks with the senior ones. Most likely you would have been moved as a junior male, but probably not as a senior female, it's about status not sex.

The literal illustration of the fact that there is no such thing as a free lunch!

A lunch paid for by a supplier is intended to be a networking opportunity for them to build relationships with an existing or potential client with the specific goal of getting more business. If you aren't a decision maker in the awarding of business then you were included as a courtesy and you should take the win. Completely reasonable for the supplier to want to sit near the more senior members of your team and not something you should take personally at all. Your best move would be to smile, enjoy lunch and take the opportunity to watch and learn how your more experienced colleagues handle themselves in this situation, one day that will probably be you.

Being at the end of a long table, and next to you (saying you're new to the corporate world / junior role and not understanding this is making me assume you don't have much experience of this?) would be harder for her as a supplier trying to win work. She'd be further from other people (perhaps key decision makers) and more isolated from other company members. As someone trying to win work it would make sense for her to be one seat in rather than at the end. If it was your manager, she might still have asked him to move, unless he's a key decision make in which case I'm sure being sat next to him would have been beneficial.

As a junior employee surely you are there to observe and input if needed, rather than being a key player? A seat at the end of the table is appropriate regardless of gender.

The manager was already sat with three of the other suppliers,

Where she would have been sat she would have been surrounded by three in our group. So still able to talk.

Yes of course I understand the need to talk to the manager but as he was already surrounded then I don’t think she should have asked me to move.

Because women have to work twice as hard as their male counterpart to be taken seriously.

Well she may have had things to talk to him over lunch. You're only junior so can't do that talking. Makes sense you were asked to move.

She moved you because you were junior, not because you were female.

If you say she wouldn't have been disadvantaged to sit in the end seat, then why do you think you were?

Or maybe it’s more the case that some of us are drama queens who need to go on line to seek validation for not getting to sit where they wanted at a company lunch and so who are more trouble than we are worth.

Because women have to work twice as hard as their male counterpart to be taken seriously.

Have a read of your thread and wonder why that might be.

So who else was sat next to you, that she could actually have spoken to?
If it was just another junior as well it makes no sense

Surely the very fact you have to ask this question means you shouldn't have been seated where you originally were.

Also while it's not a male/female thing, I'm unsure as to whether it was rude.
While the seniors are the 'decision makers' the juniors don't have zero input.

My boss is the main 'decision maker' in my work, for million dollar, multi-year software contracts. But my team and I do all the analysis. We have quite a bit of sway, more importantly we are the technical experts so being told to move wouldn't bode well for the product.

Because women have to work twice as hard as their male counterpart to be taken seriously

Please don't just repeat this and believe it because you heard it. I have been in my career for 40 years (2 years to retirement - yay!) I can count on 1 hand the times where I have found this to be true and I've worked in a male dominated industry and in several different countries/cultures. It goes on ability and attitude in many, many places. But if you want a drama - you can find one.

I’m quite new to the corporate world.

Yes, we can tell. Or you wouldn’t have asked this question.

Ooh get you

She may have different skills and experience than the other three, or be pitched for a critical role. Relationship building mighty not sound like business, it might sound like funny little stories being told, asking who people know and exchanging gossip. Obviously it's new for you, but it will all make sense when you have more experience and know what's going on.

And that's what she was doing. Working twice as hard so your male boss would take her seriously.

YABU,

The meeting was clearly set up for some negotiating to occur. In which case you have the buyers personnel all together with their lead facing the suppliers lead with all the supplier personnel all together. You wouldn’t have random seating where a suppliers person is surrounded by three of the buyers personnel.

Generally the lead negotiator (not always the manager/boss) is in the centre and their support personnel radiate on either side in order of usefulness to the negotiation. I used to lead negotiations and I’d have the chief engineer on my left, and lead scientist on my right. Next to them would be the finance person and union/labour representative. Next to them would be legal and procurement. Then we’d have junior people to the end of the table and often seated along the wall behind. Whoever was recording/stenographing the minutes always was at the end of the table.

This!

YANBU, I have a corporate job too and we would never move clients.

We are the more dominant/ powerful company but we still arrive early to the restaurant and sit ourselves to ensure our clients are treated well.