To be annoyed she made me move?

[Chandlerrice]

I’m quite new to the corporate world. On Friday suppliers took us out for lunch as they are trying to win a big deal with us.

We all sat down (long table not round) and when one of the women from the supplier side realised she would be sat at the end (next to me), she said “sorry Chandler I’m going to have to move you” - so I had to sit at the end and she had my seat.

Maybe I’m being sensitive but I feel as I’m in a junior role and maybe because I’m female she wouldn’t have done that to the manager there who happens to be male.

This.

Please don’t deny other women’s lived experience . That really doesn’t help.

That statement isn’t other womens lived experience though. It’s a trite saying most often trotted out by women who haven’t been anything other than a student and they go into the workplace thinking this is some rule of thumb.

To be honest if you Are in a junior position I am surprised you were at the lunch.

think of it as a meeting. People are asked to move seats lots to ensure the right people can be heard and engage in the discussion - in my work junior people are often asked Not to sit at the table but at seats around the edge of the room.

this is a meeting we’re there was food - dod you have a lot to contribute? Did your new seat mean you could cover the points you needed to make?

You got moved because you are junior, not because you are a woman. I think it's quite rude, but I don't think it's personal, and claiming sexism on this type of thing where the reason is fairly obvious is one of the reasons women aren't taken seriously.

I'd also suggest you need to get thicker skin for what you will experience "in the corporate world" if this sort of thing has you so upset.

If you are new to the corporate world how do you know this is the?

I remember many years ago having a new graduate join my team. She very earnestly told me she hadn’t decided yet whether she would pick a career or a family - because obviously you can’t have both😂.

I honestly think she had watched too many 1990s movies!

YABU, most snr people from the supplier will want to sit next to decision makers at outings such as these.

You're going to need to grow a much thicker skin

As you say you are a junior, as another PP said you need much thicker skin, as a junior you were probably there to learn not just about the client but how your colleagues interact and build networks. Instead you were focused on how you were made to move - you missed a vital learning opportunity.

Let the responses from your post be another learning opportunity and don’t ignore the messages you are being told from posters

I think she was a bit rude to move you but these meetings have a business purpose. If you were not integral to that you should have expected to be on the periphery and put yourself there rather than someone else having to force the issue.

I've been 40 years in a professional career and definitely have had to work harder than my male equivalents. Many of them are lazy, rude and disorganised.

Those threads on MN where women complain about their male partners being useless at home, and others posters say, 'I bet he's not like this at work!' Well actually, yes - yes he is.

Yes, I have had lazy male and female colleagues that I have had to work harder than.

But that doesn’t mean all women must work twice as hard as all men just to be taken seriously.

Surely you can’t have this little grasp of the dynamics op? Of course she’d not do it to the manager,she’d not have done it to you if you were the manager. It was the manager she wished to talk to

she moved you as you were junior and had no decision making ability. Not becayse you were a female.

Not every workplace drama (or any other drama) always boils down to sexism or some other -ism. It's not nice to feel shoved to the side, but it seems she had a legitimate reason for wanting/needing to be closer to the conversation, and sometimes being moved further down the table is part of being at a junior level. You could have asked her why she needed you to move, if you felt it was unfair or rude.

You compared yourself to the male manager, suggesting she wouldn't have asked him to move, but the salient point is that he's a manager, not that he's a man. If the roles were reversed (female manager, male in junior position), the situation would probably have played out exactly the same way.

Exactly. That’s why she wanted close to the decision maker.

are you upset becayse you’re junior and don’t like that folks know it? She had to work at that lunch, yes, to convince and build a relationship with th manager, what work did you need to do that was hard?

There is some assumptions that OP is low level admin assistant with no investment in what ever the supplier is doing. Presumable the OP’s role must have some relevance to what was being discussed and therefore could make some input.

Personally I wouldn’t be happy if a supplier as a member of my staff to move seat. Surely if that person was that significant their management would of seated them at a more central place at the table?

How many people were at the table OP?
for example 12 people on a long table would allow for amply room to hear what was being discussed in the centre.

Whats your role? And do they suppliers know your position/ how long you’ve worked there

Exactly! Bit silly of the OP to cry sexism, but she doesn't deserve the pasting she's getting either.
People have also assumed that the supplier's staff was important.
However she could have been equally junior, and:

• Wanted to be closer to the action, to be noticed
  


• Didn't want to be separated from her colleagues


• Looked down on talking to 'irrelevant' people.

If you're important enough that your input is needed you will be seated with the managers. Otherwise you can always talk to the entire team. But some people have an over-inflated sense of their own importance.

OP didn't say she wanted to be sat in the middle, just that she was moved which I find quite rude unless there was an obvious reason.

It’s not denying the lived experience of a young person who’s just joined a firm for senior female staff to point out that their généralisation is wrong.

As with the posted above, I’ve never seen this claim to be true.