For those who comment on posts that maintenance must be spent on the children

[WeeHaggisFace]

I'm going to try to dispel this notion that people have about child maintenance and how it should be spent, first I'll tell you what I've previously spent mine on.

Getting my hair and nails done. Paying for a holiday, spending money on holiday. A night away with friends/husband. Wine. My dogs. Nice socks, some clothes for me. My car. Savings. Basically the "nice to haves".

Time and time again I see posts when someone mentions that they do similar met with how very dare you, that money is for the children. Every penny should go on the children, what about the children comments.

My ex is currently paying 10 years worth of arrears. Please read that again, he did not pay a penny for 10 years and also hasn't seen her. I pay for my child, clothes, Christmas and birthday gifts, furniture, toys, school trips, childcare. Not to mention actually putting a roof over our head and ensuring she's fed and has a heated home etc.

I spend more than his standard monthly payment in her chosen sports clubs fees. I deliberately ring-fence that money in a different account for the nice to haves simply because it cannot be relied upon. Mine and my husbands salaries can be so we pay for everything for our children, and yes my eldest child is included in the "our" because he is her Dad as far as she is concerned and vice versa.

I actually seethe when someone spouts some what about the children shite. Some people do unfortunately have to rely on their shitty ex's measly and often sporadic payments and I bet you it throws them through a loop they shouldn't have to jump each and every time it's missed. I'm fortunate enough now (because there was a time I was on the breadline and really could have used that money for the basics) that I don't have to rely on it so I won't pretend that he's making any meaningful contribution to her life.

We will set up our kids with equal financial help/support when they are older. Will I fuck be beholden to some idiot who's fatherhood journey expired within weeks of her being born.

Please, next time you read about someone spending maintenance on something other than the kids, think about why. Think about how. In my experience, those children aren't going without a thing. It's the parent who went without and tried their best. If even one person reads this and thinks twice about making a nasty comment to someone then I'll be glad. If not at least my little mumsnet rant has made me feel a bit better 😆

Happy Saturday 🍷 (cheers with wine bought from my maintenance account)

I have never seen a woman on MN say this to a woman recipient of maintenance on MN.

I have seen recipients here post, “is it OK to spend it on…” usually because some arsehole ex is complaining. In those cases, I have never seen anyone on MN say no.

The only time I’ve seen this attitude on MN is towards the ex of someone’s boyfriend / husband. New girlfriend usually. So I don’t think it’s a prevailing or even common attitude here. Just that little subset of foolish new girlfriends who I just mentally roll my eyes at for being too desperate for a man to see past that shit. I’ve always assumed all the (majority!) sensible women on here do the same eye roll!

I've seen it is mostly those people who originally post but the responses, not necessarily. I have seen it on SM as with a few PPs and also in real life.

Unfortunately the opinion is held alot more widely than just a small group.

I've seen many posts in MN commenting on 'the ex' getting her nails done etc in a negative tone, so I get what the OP means absolutely.

But you're not spending maintenance money on yourself. You're spending the arrears on yourself having spent your own money when you weren't receiving what you were meant to.

I doubt there are many people who receive more CM than their children cost to be honest, bearing in mind you have to maintain a larger property to house them; have higher utility bills; have to feed and clothe them; pay for school trips etc etc.

The maintenance money (both arrears and current) goes into an entirely different account. I spend both.